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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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HELP! I feel like shit! Im just a teenage boy, how could my life suck? Ill tell you. My whole life Ive been treated like crap. First by abusive adults, and then by my peers because I wouldnt tell anything from my past which made me feel so weird. I havent really thought of myself as gay, or straight, or bi which is what I am if Im anything. But all that I really want is someone who will love me, accept me, and understand me. I just cant talk to people very well. I want to know who I am and what I should do. All I want is a normal life. I just hate my life and am now starting to hate myself which is why I need answers and maybe even someone else who is going through what Im going through. Someone just answer me, and Ill answer back as best I can.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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hi garret
im sorry u feel that way...i was just like u not 2 long ago with the orentation thing...lol about a week ago really. i kno it can be really hard to find love...or even someone who can love u...i dont think i can provide you with many answers but i am willing to talk with you...everyone deserves a friend! if u have aim holla back at nelio87x...im online alot.
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Hey man.
Sorry your past hasn't been so hot. How old are you? Im 15. Doesn't really matter what you call yourself (gay straight or bi or whatever) as long as you can be happy with who you are. Damn I understand all about the having toruble tlaking to people. I normally ont talk to people cuz it's easier. I think you hsould relax and just work on doing stuff you can do not what you don't have control over. Oh wells some guys here are odler and can probably help ya more. My names Andy btw
Peace and Trees
~Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Im 14 by the way, 15 in a couple months. Thanks, I really appreciate that. This is really the first time Ive talked to anyone about this. You're right Andy, it is easier not to talk to most people, especially the people around me everyday. They just go on and on about nothing, so I just block it out. Heck, sometimes I even do it to teachers. You see though, the way that people talk about gay people or even bi people, I just cant stand my self because I start believing them. They dont usually direct gay and bi insults at me, because they dont know, most people around me dont know. But the way that they say stuff behind my back and even to my face because Im almost never around people, and when it is doing sports or classes and even then I dont talk. That just makes me feel like shit. Plus I really would like to speak with people my own age or around my own age. I just dont trust to many adults. And Angel, I really dont know if this just going through my orientation. But I think part of it might be.
I just need some one now, you know.
Garrett
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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like i said garret i will be here for u... you kno were to talk 2 me. lol dont worry i dont bite im a good person really...ask andy! lol ne ways i hope this forum can be of some relief to you. i has been a great place for me... well i hope we can maybe chat or sumthin...like i said cant have 2 many friends.
and just in case your thinking im not really ur staritypical uh "specail" person. hehe i dontthink any of us are really. you couldnt tell i liked boy at first glance...lol that is the last thing u would be able to notice about me. ne ways enouff bable. this is an awsome place to share ur feelings...if u go down and read to monday u can see im fairly new 2.
Love Peace and Hair Grease!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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oh by the way
i wnet under a different name...its under ijusdunno and then i change it to maybeidokno and then to latino...then i get the balls to share my first name angel. so...
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Do you have yahoo or hotmail, Angel. I really would like to talk, but I dont have AOL. I would never judge anybody if the were obviously gay, I havent even ever met somebody who was obviously gay, the closest Ive ever seen was Jack on Will and Grace, and I dont think that there alot of people that obvious. I was just saying that like you Im not obvious. Well if you want to talk now or later email me at ynamregarrett@hotmail.com or @ yahoo.com.
Garrett
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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it actually at yahoo.uk.com
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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scratch that yahoo.co.uk
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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... This is all just part of growing up. The age you're at is tough, you just gotta keep on trying to do your best to survive, it will get better though, either through outside change or change within yourself.
Sorry to tell you this, though, but there is no such thing as a "normal" life, I do know what you're feeling though, I wished so much that I came from a stable family background and was the same as everyone else, then I started to get to know people, though, and realised that other people's situations aren't as good as they look at first glance.
As for your sexuality, just forget it for now, it isn't as important as you making sure that you are happy with the other aspects of yourself and your life. Anyway, I tried to add you to MSN, but you must be offline now, my email is sabenthe4th@hotmail.com if you want to talk more.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Why does life suck SO bad? I cant sleep, I cant eat. The only thing Ive eaten in the last 3 days was a carrot. But then Ive been able to chuge down a few of my dads beers. Thats the only thing Ive been able to do is drink(not just alcohol though). Usually Im always running because that usually makes me happy, but I havent been able to even do that in days. My dad doesnt even notice that I feel like shit, hes so busy to notice. But how would I tell him, "Hey Dad, Im feeling like shit. Just wanted to give you an update since youve been so busy. See ya later. Oh, and by the way, Im at least bi, maybe even gay." Oh yeah, that would work. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Garrett
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Keep telling yourself life sucks and it will suck, you stop yourself from enjoying things. Trust me, I know, I've been there! You need to tell yourself that life isn't so bad, and you need to believe it is going to get better, because it WILL get better, it will just take time, and you just need to let it. Just try to keep your cool and stay away from alcohol, it doesn't help a bad state of mind. Why have you stopped running, it sounds like it's a good release for you...
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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hey dude old guys here but your talking to some good dude in andy angle and saben.
keep talking and posting it cant hurt right?
peace
tim...of USA
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Garrett,
Being 14 going on 15 is a very hard time of life in the best of circumstances. I know what it is like to be 14 and believe me, it really does get easier and a whole lot better as time goes by. The main thing is to begin to make grown up decisions and begin making them slowly, little ones at first. One great way to begin is to not drink alcohol or do drugs.
Sometimes it is harder to walk through life to your own tune than it is to go along with the croud but believe me when I say that your friends will respect you for making good choices for yourself and most importantly, you will begin to feel better for them as well.
As far as the gay, str8, bi thing, none of that is important, not really. First it is important that Garrett begin to learn who Garrett is and where he is heading. Those other things will take care of themselves in their own good time.
I hope I was of some small comfort and help....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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attitude is wat its all about...a bottle of glass can be either half empty or half full, its all in the way u look at things. hey ill download msn messenger just to talk with you...my email is nelio87@hotmail.com and im going to get the messenger right now. im glad you came to the boards to chare your thoughts...i kno how hard it can be.
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Thanks marc
It helped a little. But i still feel like shit. Why am i feeling like this.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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haha a bottle of glass i meant a glass of water...also...uh msn messenger for mac isnt letting me download. i think its over some legal bull crap microsoft just decided to pull the plug on internet explorer and msn messenger (i think msn messenger) but now i cant download msn messenger...im sorry...ill try to pic up the yahoo one ok. wen i get it and sign up and all ill post my name for yahoo ok. THNX ttyl!
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Thanks, I emailed you latino at hotmail. I dont know if u got it.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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ok i have my yahoo chat up...my name is nelio87@yahoo.com 
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I couldnt get yahoo chat, but i do have yahoo email and hotmail.
Garrett
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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oh ok well wat ever...im a lil depressed right now too cuz of something this boy i like did with my other best friend...so...
well if u ever get those chat programs u can chat with me so...
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Okay
What happened. Was it the boy that ur in love with? E mail back.
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I know it doesnt matter if Im gay, straight, or bi. But why did I have to get stuck with this awful life? I just need to know what I did to be punished like this. With this horrible life. When I think of what my future will be like, I see no reason to live that future. WHY ME?
Garrett
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Good to get to know you, and I'm happy to see that you're staying around and making new friends, both here on the MB and IM'ing. I'll be able to join in the IM chatting after July 1st, so I look forward to that.
I suppose it's not really helpful to point out that change and life improvements usually takes time, and that nothing will happen over-night...telling somebody to be patient when they want change NOW usually sounds pretty lame...but that's my advice.
As others have said, keep trying for little changes and additions, teenie steps all add up to big ones over the long haul.
Meanwhile, keep getting to know your new friends here. They're pretty awesome, both the Geezers like me and the young'uns, which you're already finding out...
Have a great week-end! What do you do to relax and kick back?
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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aww garrett u make me feel bad...
i dont mean to get all religious here but...God has a plan for all of us...and if you don't believe in God or in a god then that is fine 2. Everyone has there right to believe what they want.
I wish i was there to u know be with u...i wish i had someone here to be with me wen i have my hard times. garrett even tho u are having these feeling just chill listen to some party music...that always gets my mind off of the bad things.
I cannot say why you are living the life you are, but im sure what ever happens it will only improve your character and make u a better person in the end. Try and look at the good thing's in life...even if they are few and far between...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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This has gone on long enough!Marc gave you the best advice of all,but the nice guy was just too nice.Its time for a bit of tough love here.Not saying the resources here on this board are what is required,but I think you are giving short change to the resources you have close to home.First,check out your father or mother or some other family member that YOU CAN TRUST.Use your head and think that out.Cover all your bases to make damned sure that you can trust someone.Perhaps a trusted teacher or counciler.Ask intelligent questions that will give you a clue as to HOW THEY WILL REACT.When and only when you feel comfortable with someone,then procede to talk about your FEELINGS only at YOUR pace.Now comes the tough love part.Simply put guy,your gonna shit yourself down the toilet if you dont stop feeling sorry for your self.Just remember that other people have it a lot worse than you.Try spending a good part of your life in a wheelchair,your legs uselessand unresponsive.Consider that one member spent a period of his young life forced to endure Nasty adversion therapy to cure his gayness.Such therapy included electro-shock and mind numbing drugs.Today this man has endured and is a hero in my eyes.Please stop feeling sorry for yourself,taking some time to read Timmys Chriss and Nigel.Excellent story with good content and has ALL the elements that might impact a young mans life.Now I take off the kid gloves and hammer home a point.You sound like a kid that does not have many friends or has a hard time making friends.OK then-learn how to be a friend.Loyalty and a truthful nature are important.Sit down somewhere private and look inside your self for the good that is in you.THESE ARE YOUR STRENGTHS.----I am gonna monitor your posts for a while,because I care.But you can bet your sweet ass that im gonna climb your butt if you dont stop feeling sorry for yourself....rob
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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HYYA tiger,you sound like a guy I would like as a friend.I wanna be proud of ya so just ask for a dictionary so I can understand your posts--hheehehe.just kidding of course-hugs rob
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Because that GOD that your pissed off at has plans-big plans for you.When life craps on you,be smart enough to take that crap and make crap sandwhiches.The next smart move is to package those shit sandwiches and sell them all to the suckers out there.You will become a rich man.But then you are allready a rich man.you have our love and respect....rob
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I kno its tuff love but you gotta realize this is his first post...how do u kno u just didnt scare him? i would understand if this was going on for a few days or so but this is his first day with us...
how old are you robert? im sure when you were at his age the same thoughts were in ur mind.
hey garrett, he did make some sense. i would also try to just lay down and think or maybe go for a walk and think things over. I would probably try to talk to a teach like robert suggested...a trusted one...lol i cant really do that cuz at my skool all the teachers gossip...and its a christian skool...how ironic.
these boards are here for you so dont hesitate to post something...and if u feel like you cant you kno my email.
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First to Robert, PLEASE remeber the love in tough love. This is not a slam on you but it might be a good idea to realize this is a sort of cry for help. Deep feelings of isolation, discrimination or pain take time to sort through. It seems to me you mean well and really have his best interests at heart. But maybe a bit of support that seems to be lacking in his life is more appropriate. Of course, I could be wrong. (Happened once before ... hehe)
To Garrett, no matter who you are or who you will become, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You chose a good place to look for some support. Their is some great advice here, take what you feel is right for you. Personally, I agree with Robert that Marc had some very wise words (he usually does), and you might try those.
As for me, I am one of many here. And as you can see we will be here for you. Take your time, try to work things through one problem at a time. Timmy has a great place here that may help a bit.
Also some of what Robert says is really good avice as well. Do find someone you trust to talk to, be yourself. Remember as tough as things seem right now, life gets better. You are a good person with value, people will see that eventually.
I reapeat, be yourself, it's the only way to learn to like yourself.
Hugs,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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hey sweetheart---you gain trust by being honest and truthful and one does not bullshit one with sugar milk and honey.A cry for help demands a response.That response was directed towards the person who needed it.Please reread my post.No sweet sugar to sour in the belly there....rob
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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if this kid wants to live,be joyous,happy and free,he will be back.and you can bet your ### ILL be back...rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Look at it this way...
You can defuse a land mind two ways..... One way is with tweezers, the other way is with a baseball bat.
The bat will get the point across quickly.....
But by taking your time, carefully using the tweezers, things don't get so messy.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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what are tweezers?
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Thank you all, but the whole finding someone that I can trust is really hard. You see my fathers in the army(U.S.), and remember, NO GAYS IN THE ARMY. Anyways, We live in Germany on a U.S. post thats really small which means that there are obviously no gay people here because all the parents of kids in my school had twisted everybodies mind to think that gays are freaks, the only reason why my mind didnt get twisted is because my dads all ways to busy to speak much. So I cant speak with any one, because the closest place where people speak english and arent homaphobic bastards is all the way in the UK. So basically Im screwed!
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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A baseball bat is capable of killing someone, especially someone fragile....
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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you are not screwed--just uninformed.I am x navy,having served 5 years in the regular navy then attatched an additional 2 years tad with special forces.but thats another story for another time.As a young man,still pretty stupid in the ways of the world,I got lucky.I found a chaplin that I could talk to.Remember,back in the 50s a gay man was outlaw.But like a doctor or lawyer,a chaplin has to keep confidential what you tell him.This discovery was a lifesaver.Flat out the man informed me that GOD does not make junk and does not make ANY mistakes and that I was just as much his creation as any body else.What I had to do was get quiet with myself and allow the process of self-discovery to procede Without fear.That was a tuffy.Full of self doubt and full of the religious dogma that church and parents fed me and not too far distanced from the memory of my soul-mate spreading his brains all over his bedroom because my parents wanted to split us up..Yes young man,you got problems,perhaps a ton of fears.You will find the answers that you need but you are gonna have to work for them.. My name is robert.Many on this board see me as an opinionated crusty and mouthy person.FUCK THEM!!!!!!! not one goddamned person listed a single resource to look up.not one goddamned one.I am ashamed.....there are on the net litterly so many resources that you can research that can provide some answers.not all of the answers,but a lot.This is really gonna piss some people off,but again I ask--how bad do you want to be happy joyous and free.Then dust off your butt and get to work! The greatest adventure of a lifetime is waiting.Discovering YOU.Good luck. robert
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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yes but honesty with out compassion is nothing more then brutailty.
just a thought
peace
tim...of USA
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Yeah,
But I still dont trust chaplains, I cant even trust a psycologist! Ive always had the fear of betrayal. I just cant speak to a chaplain. Its just all so unclear, I cant even think of half the questions.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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A little bit more patience is needed.
You are "only" going through the same shit those of us born to grown up in the 60s and 70s went through. Crap as that was, we survived.
There are no answers. Except, I think, to talk.
Growing up different SUCKS. Yeah, you knew that already. We've probably all thought about killing ourselves. only that seems so pointless. I mean why go through the shit only to die unfulfilled? So we didn't, even if we came close.
I've not read the whole thread. I read the bits that caught my eye. The bits that are immediatey important are that you have at least us to talk to. And you need to talk.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I NEED ANSWERS!!!!!!! 
Re: I NEED ANSWERS!!!!!!! 
Re: Why Me? 
Re: Why Me? 
Re: Yes a bit harsh! 
