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A short while ago I stayed with a family with four boys aged 8 to 12. It's a long time since I've visited a family with kids and what struck me most about these boys was their spontaneous ability to play. Both on their own and with each other.
No sooner were meal times over than they were outside playing with a ball, or swinging on swings, or inside playing with toy cars or the Nintendo Game Cube.
I so wanted to join in the fun, but I simply couldn't. I just didn't know how.
Why is it that adults forget how to play? Sure, we can still do sports, play cards and play games on the computer. But somehow it's never the same as the spontaneous fun I saw that day when I watched those boys at play. It was as if they went off into a different world and then pulled the drawbridge up behind them.
God, they must think that adults are so dull.
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That's one of the many reasons that I love Thailand and Thai people. Playing is a virtue, for young and old. It leads to a lot of inefficiency in society...but I choose it anyhow.
And one of the reasons why I am leaving Hong Kong? The people here don't know how...comes from always having to worry about making their way in life, and many many of them come from refugee backgrounds in previous generations, so they never relax. Can't, somehow. Sad.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Hi David.
Certainly sounds like the Thai people have the better outlook on life. Economists can measure the GDP per capita of two countries and conclude that one group of people is "richer" than the other, but this never measures those many intangible elements that make up the overall quality of life.
In the late 1980s I made a lifestyle choice a bit like you when I moved to New Zealand for two years. Sadly there was no love interest out there for me, but looking back I have no regrets about trading part of my London salary for a better lifestyle which I remember with affection.
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Idunno. I kinda can still just drop on all fours and roll around with the kids whenever the time comes. I guess it's a matter of not just choices but identity. The kids identify with each other and the feed off each other's emotional states.
All higher animals engage in play, it's a fact. And the more highly developed the mind, the more urgent the need for play. Perhaps it's a part of the adult psyche that views play as a non-essential part of life that has us all so uptight, hyper sensative, backwards and wasted all the time. I guess it's something that we push aside without realizing that we need it so much. Personally, I make time for it in my own life, whether with my niece or the dogs, rolling around on the carpet, or just doing some mental play like role play or video games with my pals. It's my outlet.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Asking my Mama or my Daddy to play with me......"Please help me build the fort....Please throw the frisbee...Please help me build my Legoworld of the planet Tranquility...Please show me how,Daddy...Mama, just for a minute."
They love me but they didn't. Daddy was too tired or wanted to read the paper or had to work on the car or pay bills. Mama was always grading papers, cooking dinner, so tired she couldn't see straight. After awhile, I quit asking.
Grownups forget how to play and then one day, they can't. That drawbridge rope you see is held tightly in your own hands. I guess once the world shows you what you have to do to survive, you forget how to play. Remember doing dangerous things like walking on bridge rafters and climbing to the top branch of the tree, sitting on the roof thinking about flying, letting the undertow catch you and hoping you go to China? No weighing the pros and cons of safety? The joy of mud squishing between your toes, not caring if you're filthy. I guess it all has to do with responsibility but that word just seems to suck the fun out of stuff.
I'm in a funny place between being a little kid and being a grownup. I think I'll choose the little kid awhile longer before responsibility takes over.
Hi Nickie 
JJ
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I still remember. But I play much differently than when I was a kid. I no longer play with trucks or toy soldiers, but I still play. I still wrestle with the dog and watch sports on TV like I used to, but otherwise it's the internet, experimenting in the kitchen, building a computer, etc. I spend more time playing alone than with others these days.
Think good thoughts,
e
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What smith says are very true things, that a grownup really is a part in holding that drawbridge shut.
You see, I think someone who has forgotten how to play can learn again. He just has to do it slow, like asking the kids when they are bored to go toss a ball around. Anyone can do that, it's safe and easy. If they're reluctant, bribe them by saying you'll all go out for icecream later.
Once you get a hang of the ball tossing thing, maybe you'll move on to other stuff. Listen to them, what do they want to do?
Not saying it is easy, but there is a way.
My adoptive father was chronically out of touch with his inner child when I was little. I had this plastic mat with a few city blocks printed on it, and little toy cars made of die-cast metal that you don't see in stores anymore. I remember asking him to play with me, and he just didn't know how and refused. I think he was embarrassed, he's such a responsible, 'proper' person, but he can be very stiff and unemotional too.
He did read to me a lot when I was really little though, before I could read myself. Children's stories, faerytales and such, so it wasn't as if he didn't want to have anything to do with me at all when I was growing up!
Btw Nick, will we have that talk soon you think?
*HUGS!*
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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...the way we play just changes as we mature. Reality kicks in and we realise what is possible and impossible. We still dream, but we dream within the bounds of reality. For some people, reality has bitten them before, so they think it is a lot more strict than it actually is. I think a lot of it is to do with the pressure society puts on people to grow up, too.
For those that don't know, I have a job teaching kids from like 2-10 at an English school (though it is sort of like a play group type thing). The other day some 10 year old kids came to the class and were going to play with some blocks that were sitting around, but then one of the Japanese teachers was like "no, don't play with them, they are for babies", I was a little shocked, I mean I understand the teachers wanting to challenge the older kids with things that are on their level, but if they want to do something constructive with some blocks, who are we to stop them.
I've been learning a lot more about playing through being around the kids, I have so much fun with them, but it is on a different level, because I'm more aware, I'm not as innocent or naive as they are. When playing outside, I know there are potential dangers and look out for them, I know that it is an English class I am getting paid for, so I gotta do more than just have fun, I do need to try and teach them something. So, do we forget how to play- I think not, the way we play changes. Why- because we learn.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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What happens is that the game changes.
It transforms from a learning, motor skill, socially dynamic activity to a game called life.
It may not seem as much fun and it may sometimes appear to be a miserable drudgery, but that is the price for waiting to have kids.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Right on, smith! To the rest of us stuck perpetually in both the adult and adolescent worlds, forever shall we hold the banner high, high, high!
LOL
For the record, I'm not in my second childhood. I just never left it when I discovered responicibility as well.
Rock ON!
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I think you are right, Lenny, in my case, I've learned again, a bit at least. I wrestle with the kids, play games when we swim, ride bikes, give them piggy-back and "horsey" rides, tossing and flipping the ones that I can pick up. Board games and cards and video games are okay, too. The little tykes like to be growled at, nibbled on, etc. But, it's taken me a while to get there - I wasn't much fun when my kids were younger.
Granted, I don't climb the bridge trestles or dive into the river from them, but do climb the occasional tree. Oh-oh, just had a Michael Jackson moment, there.
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These thoughts have caused several songs to come to mind.
One is "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin, which points out the sad fact that in their zeal to be "responsible", adults all too often raise their children to make the same mistakes they made (and thereby perpetuate a serious problem).
Another is John (Cougar) Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane", which advises, "Hold onto 16 as long as you can; changes come around real soon, make us women and men." If I may be so bold, I would take Mr. Mellencamp at least one step further by saying "Never lose sight of 16" (or even younger).
If any of you grew up in the New York area during the '60s, you may recall a TV show for children called "Wonderama", which on just about every episode the host sang a song that reminded viewers both young and old of another important fact of life, "Kids are People, Too".
These are things which, I feel, we should never lose sight of (especially those who find themselves in that "cusp" between "kid" and "grown-up").
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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Re: Lifestyle choices 
Re: Nick...! 
