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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I still need answers and advice. But since Timmy cant get the previous post to the front(probably because of so many responses filled with good advice), Im starting a new post like he said to. Thanks Trevor, but Im really not that smart or wise, just confused and desperate for answers. Yes, Im definitly confused! Today, I found myself looking at a really hot girl, almost staring with excitment. Then two hours later, I found myself checking out this real fine boy with the same exact excitment. I know Im bi, but Im just getting so confused with my my hormones changing every hour. HELP! IM CONFUSED!
Garrett
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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sorry i got carried away with the advice guy,its just that i care..i remember all too well what it was like when i was 15..rob
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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This gets pretty deep.
First we are programmed to find all good looking humans appealing. Luckily we each have a different idea about "good looking".
When we have hormones racing, "Appleaing" can also mean hot enough to make us suddenly rock hard and raring to go. Gender has nothing to do with it. Doesn't make us gay to be erect with a boy, str8 with a girl or bi with either. It just makes us guys.
Orientation comes from how we are designed to seek out our "mate of choice". (Please don't hit me for the word "choice" here. I do NOT mean that orientation is a choice. It's just that words are of limited meanings, ok?). To make life even more confusing, even if we JUST consider the gender of the person we find appealing, this changes throughout our lives.
I'm going to stick to gender. Adding age, race, location, scent, music, ambience etc makes it FAR too complex. BUT in rela life all those factors and more come into play.
Sexual attraction to primarily one gender means one has a disposition to being perpetually, perhaps increasingly, attracted to that gender. Fantasies, especially during masturbation, about that gender mean the same thing.
100% gay men are also attracted to specific females, emotionally and sexually. Str8 men are attracted to other specific guys and get very confused, sometimes violent, because of it.
So an "answer" per se, that is not forthcoming. Look at me. I am 50. I am confident that I am gay. I was once "age limited" in my orientation and am now substantially different. I am also attracted very strongly to specific women. None of this makes me, in my mind, bisexual, or heterosexual, but I recognise the fluctuations and welcome them. It is perfectly posisble, it seems, that I wake up today as a str8 guy and tomorrow as a gay one. Except studies are starting to show physical brain differences between homosexual creatures and heterosexual ones.
Not deformities, not retarded areas. Just differences. So it is, after all, unlikely.
BUT we gay guys are able to function in sexual intercourse with females whatever our brians are telling us. Which means we will never find an absolute answer. We rationalise away a liking for the "wrong " gender (in our case females!) by allowing ourselves to beleive it is an aberration. But all is normal.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Hiya Garrett ~
I have been dating girls since I was 14 and I've kissed a bunch of them and snuggled around but if I close my eyes when I kiss them, I see that really hot guy in my math class or the cute shy one in gym. What everyone is telling you is true...Just let everything ride and do what feels right. One hour you feel so str8, you want to go hunting, the next hour you reeeeally think Avril is hot but then that third hour, oh, that third hour....you can't stop thinking about low riding sweats and arms stronger than yours. Feel it all...........You don't need to KNOW anything right this minute except that the frustration you feel is cause we kinda think about sex every 6 seconds even if we're looking at our sneakers 
(ps...I think my sneakers are gay.......)
Stay Cool Garrett !!
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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i know i promised to behave,but this i cannot resist timmy---is liking girls really normal??how yucky.....rob
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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ok, it may be brief, but it DOES happen
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Garrett;
I wish that we could provide the answers, but they are within you. We can only provide some help and a place for you to find those answers. What you are doing now is excellent, one of the things you need to do. Ask questions, seek advise, hear experiences, then apply them yourself and your environment. Nobody can really make decisions about you except you. But we are here to help, support, and provide a shoulder to cry on.
Responding to posts in the other thread. All licensed counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists in the US (or the US military, for that matter) are bound by a code of ethics and one of the most important points in that code is confidentiality. They cannot reveal any specific information such as client identity, diagnosis, treatment, or information imparted by the patient during therapy to anyone without permission of the patient or unless it is to prevent bodily injury or death by or to the patient. The case can be discussed generally with other professionals but only for reinforcement of therapy methods. As a mentor in one of the local schools, the first time I meet a child I try to make them understand that what they say or do when with me will stay only with me except to prevent harm to themselves or another.
Many people, not just teens, live in what they see is a perfect world. Usually they are lying to themselves. They respond negatively to anyone that does not fit into their ideal world through words and actions, sometimes violence. They use such words as nerd, wimp, you're so gay, you dummy, you are always wrong, you're so smart, etc. Respond to that person by pointing out they do not know who you are, you do not fit their image of you, and you do not accept their verbal abuse. If they persist turn to a person you trust and repeat that the abuser does not know who you are and you do not accept their verbal abuse. Eventually the abuser will be recognized for what they are and will have to either return to the real world, or face the consequences.
I know that you face many challenges, and more to come. But please, continue to come here and ask questions. The responses will give you a place to start from, maybe some strength to take those steps forward that only you can take, and whole-hearted support as you grow and understand who you are.
Hugs, Charlie
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Charlie, you're right about confidentiality being a corner-stone of counselling, and in an ideal world that would just be plain and simple truth...
Unfortunately, there are many counsellors who, when working with adolescents under the age of majority in whatever location they work, WILL breach confidentiality in narrowly defined situations (such as to parents, especially).
This is definately true in the military/government service world, as Garrett has pointed out.
I have worked with some government service folks who were threatened with dismissal if they refused to sign a release of information/consent form. As a counsellor, I have also been harassed by government agencies to release information without having a release. My stock answer is, "Without a release of information/consent form, I cannot even confirm or deny that this person has been a client of mine at all, let alone disclose what was said in sessions".
But many times, this goes right out the window when dealing with parents who feel they have the right to know what their minor aged children talk about with counsellors. Parents sue, all sorts of things happen.
Those of you reading this thread who are parents, it would be interesting to hear your thoughts about whether or not parents should have access to what their kids talk about with counsellors...
So it's not cut and dried.
For everybody working with counsellors, psychologists, etc., whatever age, ask specifically what information will be released, and under what circumstances. "Will you talk to my parents?" is a prime question for youth to ask.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Hi,
Sorry I havent been here since yesterday, I was busy and interupted with things.
Timmy, it seems that you are suggesting (just what my crazy and confused mind is thinking) that there is no such thing as bi, just gay and straight with here and there feelings for women(if gay) and men(if straight). I really do think of myself as bi because I dont know what I am right now.
smith, Avril? Hehe. Im sorry but, Avril Lavine? Its more like(when I see these stars) Christina(Agulara)! But when Im in a different mood, younger Joshua Jackson.
And thats exactly what it is David. I dont trust, or even know, any psycologists that I have seen or probably will ever see(if I do see anymore). I always have the risk of my father finding out. Thats why!
Weird and freaky thing happened today, I went to this thing and a bunch of kids from my school were there, and I just walked by them, with a couple girls saying hi, and also by a bunch of germans. And after about 2 minutes, I left. Running out of there wanting to come home to be alone and to talk to all of you. I just relized something. You people have treated me better than anyone else before in my life. You people are nice, smart, wise, funny, loving, caring, and not judging. I didnt feel safe there, so I ran. I can no longer even feel safe, let alone happy, around lots of people. But I feel safe here!
Garrett
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I would not dare say "here is no such thing as bi". WhatI am trying to say is that there is an infinitely variable spectrum of orientation, based principally around attraction to male or to female. (Yes there are some who like ninhuman creatures too, but that is beyond this discusson). It is likley that at some point the attraction to each will be equal (a true bisexual?), but the main element is that orientation fluctuates daily, even hoursly, or minute by minute.
It's perfectly possible to have an orientation that's attracted to an age group, or each gender, and not gender specific at all. Or one that is only attracted to anyone at all when the band plays "yellow Submarine". Sexual orientation is a delicate matter, and we are predisposed to our own by factors that no-one yet understands. But we are starting to learn. Society now allows us to be non-heterosexual!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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"It depends"
The circumstances make it very difficult, and they vary with my son's age. He is now an adult, so my answer is hypothetical anyway.
If very much a minor, a child, not even a teenager, I would wish to work with the counsellor, as a part of the team, EVEN if i were part of the problem. It would become a mutual counselling session with my child the prime client.
As a teenager, I woudl wish the counsellor and my child to agree what, if anythingm they woudl involve me in. I would ask to be involved, but know I must respect an answer of "no".
In neither case would I expect to be told anything confidential unless my child had expressly given consent. And I would not expect to have been made aware of the counselling at all unless I had taken part in arranging it
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Im 14, how can i choose to be gay or straight? i cant. not yet.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Don't allow yourself to fall onto the trap of living a totally online life.
There are people out in the real world that will understand just as there are here....
Granted,,, you may not as of yet met them....
Just don't exclude the opportunity if it arrises.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I know but I just dont feel safe. I just dont like being around these people.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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thats just the point,you DONT get TO CHOSE on this one.The choice has been taken out of your hands i think.The wonder of self discovery--who you are,what you are.Enjoy being a kid while you can.....rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Then watch for new people to meet.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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things are getting a little booring,as there are no stories being posted.so hows about causing some excitement--go to the px and get 6 cans of shaving cream and empty them in your fathers sack.when alls said and done and if you survive,tell us about it....rob
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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great idea. thatll be fun. hehe. thanx.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY..see there is hope..good luck and dont forget to tell us all the gory details....rob
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I relized that there are few cute girls in my school, but no cute boys. Well, theres only one. But hes a year ahead of me and I dont even know his name. Thats just so weird. Oh well. Hell probably turn out to be an asshole like the rest of them even though he looks so nice, and so cute. Schools over, so what does it matter. Oh well.
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I was just joking. Ill probably just put a stink bomb in his car. Thats all.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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In the end you will become comfortable with the set of orientations you end up with. Until then simply do not force it in any direction
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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I wont force it but how do know, when its time, weather im gay or straight or just bi and will always be bi?
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Tough to answer. I guess you don't. Except the day you choose a label that kind of sticks like glue. The label is the choice we get, not whatis underneathit
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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dont do the stinkbomb thingy,it could start a fire.but the shaving cream thingy will only cause a small fire--your butt when daddy catches you..If you will do this small thing,I will reward this board by being nice for a month....rob
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Let me think about it. Plus stink bombs dont cause fires. Where did u get that from?
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Most guys aren't assholes, even someone as chronically devoid of real-life friends as I realize that. You can't ASSUME he'll be nasty before you've even tried to get to know him, that's not a healthy outlook on life. You're still only in your early teens and you need many more friends before you're an adult. If you have the outset that people are only going to hurt you and it is thus better to avoid them, you'll only end up hurting yourself.
Besides. School starts again in september you said, you'll see him then.
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Thanx.
Thats true, but Ill never have classes with him knowing my luck, and if I do Ill probably never get to talk to him. And y arent u on MSN?
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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Thanx.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I used to think of myself as being bi, not because I was really attracted to females, but because I wanted to keep my options open. So, I said bi, but eventually the time did come where I realised my attraction to females was quite small and my primary attraction was to males. I think it was after I feel in love with a boy, instead of just lusting after one. Also, the fact that I nearly had a sexual encounter with a girl, but it just didn't feel right... Basically, you have no need to even call yourself bi at the moment, just go with the flow and one day you will be able to decide on your true orientation. As for me, my attraction bias is probably 85-90% towards males and the other 10-15% towards females (fluctuating daily of course) that is enough for me to use the label "gay".
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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just sit down with daddy and ask him if you can have a party with your BOYFRIEND and all his GAY buddies then write us and tell all ...rob....lol---hehehe
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Is it neccessary to have classes with someone to get to know him? Can't you just say hi one day, introduce yourself? Maybe ask about a common interest, or (after putting your watch in a pocket, ask him the time )...
And while it was awesome talking to you mate, I need time offline too, to do my strength exercises, write my stories, watch the telly ( ), and just be for myself for a while. Being alone is addictive, I can only take so much company with others you know. Hehe, kidding of course, but there is a grain of truth in there still.
I felt very confined as a kid, my mother was never interested in anyone else's problems, nobody was even allowed to have problems but her. My father's emotionally suppressed, I couldn't trust him to take any action (tried once and nothing happened), so there was no point in talking to him either. When I moved in on my own I had all the freedom I ever wanted even though it was very lonely. Initially I had a number of friends from my old home town but one by one they all moved out, disappeared. I still have my freedom though, and I need it.
I will talk to you again, soon I hope!
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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hes 15 lets give him some space
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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No Message Body
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Garrett
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 77
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it would just be to hard to talk to him. i just cant do it. it would seem really weird just going up to him and talking to him. thats what you do with girls in my school, not guys. And plus, I am only 14. I barely know how to talk to people, let alone a beautiful boy that i dont know one thing about.
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I STILL NEED ANSWERS, JUST STARTING A NEW POST! 
i am sorry that you got angry with me 
Join the "I'm totally confused" Club >>haha<< 
Re: You are wayyy too cynic for your age. 
