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Not sure where else to turn for this one.
Now that it's summer, I'd love to have a boyfriend. I mean, who doesn't love a summer romance, after all? 
But, of course, as many of you know, an issue that stands in my way are my parents. I hate "sneaking out" and lying to them about things, because they pester me questions about where I go and who I'm with. And I told them about my love for Conor, but that was back in December, and we talked about that for maybe two days, and then it was totally dropped. We never talked about it again. Which is weird, because it seemed that they had some big plans for this, like seeing a councilor about it and stuff.
So, do I push the issue further or leave it be and wait? Am I even old enough to be exploring this realm?
Thanks bunches.
-Tom 
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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Dating is good. It doesn't commit you to love or gay marriage, or even going steady. It's just dating. In my view, if you've attained puberty, you're old enough to date.
As for the sneaking vs being direct, would it be weird to ask their opinion about whether they want to know if you're going out on a date or just out to hang with friends? Maybe they'll tell you what might be too much info for them?
I don't know the situation well enough yet...so keep telling us what happens as the summer unfolds...and I'm sure that the other younger members will have sound advice as well.
God am I happy not to be dating anymore! It's amazing to know who you're going to be with. I love that, I have to admit!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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And if that doesn't work then you can negotiate with the system discretely  You're more than old enough to do this though, your parents should understand and well, if they don't then you still gotta do what is good for you...
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Tom, sneaking around is never a good thing. It seems to me that your parents are in a state of denial over you orientation.
As for a boyfriend.... If you are old enough to know you want one then you are old enough to have one. But finding a boyfriend isn't like shopping for a new shirt at Wal-Mart.
Is there a "gay" district in your area? There is a good place to start looking...
After all a lion hunter won't find any lions in the artic.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Your parents gotta cut you some slack. You're seventeen, you're not a kid. Not technically an adult of course, but how much of a difference is one more year going to make really when it comes to your level of maturity.
Ask them how THEY would feel - truthfully! - if they were in your shoes, their parents looking over their shoulders like hawks, demanding to get an account for every second spent outside the house.
Tell them this, and then say you're going OUT for a while and that they just have to trust you.
If they can't do that then they have a big problem and should like, seek counsel or something. After all, they spent a lot of time raising you, if they don't trust you after all these years...
Hugs:
-L
PS: come online some day & talk to me k? I missed ya!
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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If sex, most teenagers expect to be looking over their shoulder, gay or str8.
If simply a great friend, greta friends need not be boyfriends.
If someone to date, and maybe "fool around" with, then marc is pretty practical. Mind you, there was "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe".
Parents just need to know oyu are going out with frineds. And when you bring your friends home, simply treat them as you would any male frineds. As male friends.
This is not sneaky, not cloak and dagger stuff. Just simple and practical.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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It's their job to worry about you, so of course they want to know where you are and with whom. Ultimately they are trying to protect you. I always recommend as much truth as possible.
For me, I think someone would have to be a close friend before they could be my lover, so timmy's comments are very applicable.
I know I'm not typical and I'm really pretty conservative when it comes to sex, but from a practical point, if my kids are going to (have sex, drink, smoke pot) I'd rather it was in a safe environment, where maybe I can remind them to (use a rubber, not drive, not do crack). Even more so in the case of gay kids, where just holding hands or hugging in a public place, let alone kissing or "verical sex", could get them hurt.
IF that's how you imagine a relationship, and your folks grow to know and respect your close friend, it will be easier, IMHO, if they find you making out at home, versus suspecting the worst with a stranger. I really do think most parents want their kids to be happy and will appreciate love when they see it. Especially if they didn't freak about Conor. Talking about it showed them that you trust them, and probably earned some respect.
Okay, I do tend to be idealistic, so take that with a lump of salt!
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Totally out of curiousity... 
Re: Totally out of curiousity... 
It depends what you are looking for 
