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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I wonder, sometimes, what stops people from posting here. Damned hard to ask someone "What stops you from posting" because that means they have to make a post.
Some thoughts struck me. Well Nick made them strike me while we were chatting. I'd lilke to assemble some ideas, though.
So, as a non regular poster, maybe you could make up a name and say below here what makes you feel unable to post. Anonymous. And maybe the regualrs could do the same.
I don't propose to discuss the thread, but I do propose to listen to it and to see what I can do if we need to alter the slant a little.
Anything goes, from "I just never post to these things" thru "I perceive cliques", to, well, to anyhting at all.
If someone says something you vehemently disagree with, please, just for once, hold your fire. I want to learn about reasons for non active messageboard use and see if I can enhance it.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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too many nice people that arnt so nice!!!!!rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I don't nearly post or answer posts by others as often as I would like.
I never chat anymore (people aren't speaking with me, go figure) and this is the only message board I visit with any regularity so I guess I post so I don't totally fall into obscurity.
So I do what I can, and don't what I can't.
For whatever thats worth......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Somethings just don't get answered. I know some can never be answered, but some should be.
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I have seen 'cliques', I have seen downright rudeness and even meanness here. Why add fuel to a fire? If you can't say something nice to someone....though there are times I'd have loved to reply and bitten my tongue instead 
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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More people are needed, if they will post.
Meanwhile how do we solve those issues that we have. Would each of you start by making a quiet suggestion as a reply to your own thread, please?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Easy.....
There is no solution.....
This place is a place..... Like thousands of other places.....
In it there are people that do and people that don't post.....
Just like every other place just like this one.....
There is no way that any one message board can be the end all to all message boards.....
It is just the order of things.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I think alot of people feel afraid to start a new post with questions about themselves for fear no one will reply. To have a problem or question and to be brave enough to write it for the world to read would be difficult enough and then to wait for someone to answer..............
If anyone quietly reads for a few days, they will see that any post like that is replied to. It just takes courage to say what they need to and we all need to be kind and make sure to give importance to any post without sarcasm or rudeness.
The jokes and links to funny things and articles are to make us laugh and think. When I post something light, it doesn't bother me if no one replies. That's the difference, I think.
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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People will continue to behave as they do so a quiet suggestion seems almost moot. Some people will always be the way they are and refuse to listen to others, continue to hurt others.
Moot point to give a suggestion.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Because like other times before I feel that the prevalent negative atmosphere here recently is due to me. I feel that my posts contribute nothing but negativity. It is my own insecurity. I oscillate between highs and lows quite severly, posibly more than most people. On my highs I'm an arrogant prick, on my lows I have awfully low self esteem. Can't seem to win. But anyway. Apart from my real life shit problems that's why I haven't been posting- it seems a nicer place without me.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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some used to post here and got sick of a few things
being told that the feelings they had are invalid
seeing others ALWAYS arguing about stuff
seeing comments that if i was a young first time at risk of hurting my self person, that would make me slit my throat
seeing posts with deep feeligs being only replied to by one or 2 while arguing can go on for pages
and OH YES THERE are cliques
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Please look at what you have posted and work with me on how we all might solve the issues you have raised.
Are there things I can do as webmaster, or that we have to do as participants?
I really want your help, please.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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First let me say I get the impression that timmy is very happy to be rid of his old provider.
Next, as I am not in any of the cliques here, only a couple probably post. Or at least, that is my impression. I have to agree with Empty above, serious questions posted on this board draw one or two replies, then one of two things happen. Either the question dies quickly, or an argument is started. Rather than evaluating each others' posts, just respond to the original question (and not other responses) with your own thoughts on the question. Then the original poster (questioner) will have a diverse array of responses to help guide him or her in their own decision process.
If a post makes you angry do not respond until you are capable of rational thought. If a post attacks you or your belief, send an email to the poster but do not perpetuate the animousity with a public post.
Experience is a great educator. But those experiences had particular circumstances and events ocurring with them and may not apply to a particular situation or question asked. So be careful how responses are phrased as more harm than good can come of it. Always consider that the questions are posted by someone who does not think or act like you, and the situation and circumstances are probably nowhere near the same. If courses of action are requested, remember that you can only suggest and not direct. Your experiences are valuable learning tools and should be posted when appropriate to provide the feeling of community and sharing, but emphasize the word appropriate in your thoughts when composing.
Lastly, treat everyone as you want to be treated. An old saw that reaps magnificent rewards.
Hugs, Charlie
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I know that most likely Im not anyone ya would want to chat
with, I mean why should u?
I mean ur smart and compared to u Im totally daft.
BUT - I would chat with you anyways!
This ain't cheering ya up is it?
Hmm didn't think so hehehe
Take care
*hugs*
Josie
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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You really said it straight on. When a serious question or topic gets posted, one or two people may reply but then someone takes offense at what one of the repliers said and it all turns into an arguement between those two people and the topic gets lost and goes on and on in arguement mode. If we would all stick to what the original topic asks, and just give our thoughts...not get bent by what someone comments, we could be helping the poster. That's what the MB is all about.
Sometimes I read a reply and think WTF??? and want to blast a really horrid comment. I don't. I do take those feelings off the MB and work them out but I don't answer on here. We have to remember that someone is reading this and that someone may need a helping hand. If they don't feel comfortable, they won't ask.
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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some reasons why i dont post here as much as i would like...i just dont feel at home...um how can i explain this...other people get more 'attention' then me. i dunno maybe im just desperate for some attention from this board. its just i dont get to many replies in my post like i see some of the others...
ive talked with other people about it but just them...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I get put off by the infighting. Its sad when places like this, built on trust and good intention (something getting rarer these days) are reduced to childish squabbling.
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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Like Charlie, I also have to agree with our "friend" Empty.
Far too many a serious question posed in this Forum goes unanswered.
This is an issue I addressed in my rebuttal to Rob's response to my own thread of a week, or more ago, entitled simply "I remember Stonewall, do you?"
In that *post* I had asked others of my generation to come forward with their own thoughts, and comments, about their being Gay in what would likely have been anywhere from the late 1950's through to and including the early 1970's, and what impact the attitudes of the times may have had on them personally. Whilst, in the original thread, I had focused upon only one specific Story, I asked in my rebuttal, that any "Story" about that time would have been acceptable, and that I was asking, not for myself, but on behalf of one of our youngsters who had posed just such a question well over a month, or more ago, and only received Timmy's acknowledgment of his post in reply, and no other, not even when he asked it of us a second time.
I had wanted to respond; perhaps I should have, just as I'm now stepping forward, and just as I did a short time ago to help diffuse a crisis; but, as I mentioned in my rebuttal, it was not possible for me to do so; nor, should I be replying to this thread either, for much the same reasons.
No serious enquiry SHOULD EVER GO UNANSWERED, especially given the broad nature of our collected experience. The youth that posed the original question was deserving of our attention, not our disinterest.
Others deride the "fluff" pieces; they too deserve our attention, if for no other reason than their diversionary ministrations both of our minds, and of our souls.
Each have their place here; but a small minority of our community believe otherwise, and so we become embroiled and embittered in our debates, with passions aflame, and tempers out of control.
I no longer actively participate here; but, as three or more of you have witnessed recently, I will sling an arrow, or two, whence necessary, to bring us all into line, and quell rebellion. This should never have been necessary; nor should it ever be again; but, I will do so should the need ever again arise.
"A Place of Safety" has been so structured to WELCOME ALL who find their way here. I ask each of us to kindly remember that. If, in the course of events here, we are able to provide an environment that fosters, and later builds upon, enduring friendships, that is all well to the good, but that is not, nor has it ever been the primary purpose of Timmy's endeavour here. This is supposed to be a place of safety, where counsel is to be dispensed with care, compassion, gentleness and hopefully wisdom.
Cliques, and brotherhoods, and coffee-klatsches, are not the de rigeur order of the day; nor should they ever be. Fellowship, camaraderie, and aid without thought to our own self-interest should be the only rules of the road here.
I should add in closing that I say this with all due humility, as I have been known in the past to be both a perpetrator, and a victim of the problems I have discussed above.
Warren C. E. Austin
Toronto, Canada
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Those who have posted recently, please also add under your own post how you woudl solve the issue. I know there are some solutions there already, too.
I really want this to come back to the way it was created. To do so I need your help, each and every one of you.
I may well pick someone arbitrary from the regulars to summarise if we need a summary, too.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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even though people come and go, times change and stress levels shoot up and down, we can all try to be here for each other. To say that there is no way to correct what is wrong is like saying we don't care. To be positive in trying to help other people is what is needed...that's all.
smith
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Timmy, when I came here a year ago, it wasn't like this, I don't know what happened to it, but if i remember right, people would just respond to the original post. Sometimes it got carried away, but most of the time they were helpful. I see what your after, but i'm not sure how to get there either. It would take everyone working together to get this place back to the way it was.
In response to Angel, I'd like to reply more, but i'm trying to take some advice that someone gave me. Sorry.
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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You have it. Everyone working together. That is what it takes.
I've been longing to hear those words.
It means submerging self to the benefit of others.
Sure, a few posts will get missed. That's just bad luck, accidental bad timing, whatever. But it will work.
Thank you Brian.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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justin case anyne thinks I didn't notice that THEY said it too, I wanted to wait until it had been said well and at least 3 times.
Now can we do it, please? ALL of us?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I never said "I don't care"..... What I said was...
This place is not what it was when it began....
I never said it didnt improve.... I never said it couldn't improve....
I said as a technical solution it could be moderated....
I said there were (and there are) cliques...
I brought up a point concerning the mechanics of conversation....
And I mentioned that there are variances in peoples values and ended it with a simple question....
I made an observation reguarding personal growth....
And finally I said that I know of no way to bring it back to what it once was....
Now I said these things without malace, with great forethought as to establishing criteria for evaluating the problem.
And I was chastised for doing what I honestly thought Tim was asking....
Now, I ask again.... Just what is it that you want???
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I would like your personal help to recover as much as is recoverable, and to steer it back atleast towards where it was.
Since oyu asked I am answering you directly.
I also ask us all. But I ask you personally
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I wish I could, but I don't think I am in any shape to help anyone or anything right now....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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maybe just stay and read and talk when you can and after awhile you will help........as you always have.
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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more good stories
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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that you missed the poems i used to post
here is a poem that i found i think best discribes what i want to say
Friends Forever
By Stephanie Post
We all started off as strangers,
But time brings us together,
We learned to care for each other,
Which made our hearts grow bigger,
We helped each other when times were hard,
We held hands to stop the hurt,
The comforting words,
Meant the world,
They lifted the soul,
They healed the heart,
They made us realize,
The truth of life,
They made us realize,
To think twice,
Now as we grow we might part,
But the real truth is,
We will always stay in each other’s hearts!
I understand times change but let that change be for good not for bad. Lets all help tim make this board a better place, for everybody. I wish those people that many times don't feel welcome here feel they will always have a friend here, somebody to talk to. Isn't that why we came here in the first place, to find a helping hand.
P.S Thank you smith for bringing up the desire to post another poem here. I was beginning to lose that. God, i was about to fall in that circle of people who don't post.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Can't add anything to that, Marc. He's right.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I was perturbed that I had to ban yet another word during it. Aghast, really.
I think we have a summary, though.
The summary seems to be "Act to others as you wish others to act towards you" and "It is down to us all as individuals to keep this place on track".
Have I missed anything in those two short sentences?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The messageboard is nothing to do with the stories so far as I can tell.
You are welcome to ask for them, and we have several up and coming authors here who are looking to provide them. But, to me, that is a separate thread and detracts from this one
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Individualism.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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No. I didn't miss it. We all have that a-plenty
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Thats relatively easy to say, but what I see forming here is a moulding or modeling process to ensure that everyone adheres to your standards. The concept of "telling them exactly what they want to hear" doesn't work. If people are to render an opinion reguarding a subject it must be their own opinion, not rhetorical recapment of the status quo.
I know I am wrong here just as I am wrong with everything else...
But it is Just my opinion...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I do not want to mould everyone to be clones. Nor do i think everyone should hear what they WANT to hear. What I expect is that people will be told what others believe they NEED to hear, and told it in the way they want to hear it.
If you were talking to a blind man you would not say "look at this"; instead you would say "Feel this".
Most people are not ready to hear blunt words, nor to hear something that is diametrically opposed to their views in a combative way. And some peole here have been combative, me included. Being blunt is not a virtue. Being empathic is. So what I wish for is empathy in all replies to peole. And, if it can be done, a request for help, information or whatever else in an empathic way.
Many people confuse "I speak as I find" with honesty wheninstead it is brutality.
Please never think I wish to supress individuality. I wish to create instead a place where it is good to be a pleasant individual, and where unpleasant individuals may learn fast that unpleasant behaviour is not wlecome, though they are personally welcome.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Being blunt .....
Seems a bit of an aimed phrase...
Well blunt is what I am.... Blunt is what I will remain...
I see no reason to use 1000 words when I can say what I want in 2 or 3.....
Take it or leave it.... It's who and what I am....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Oh dear. It was not aimed at you Marc. I wondered about saying "this is not aimed at you" but felt you would then immediately interpret it AS aimed at you. a "no win" thing there I'm afraid.
Yes, you are as you are. And your 2 or 3 words are well thought out as words. Often they are wholly appropriate as well. But just sometimes, please, think more of how you needed to hear things when you were in very deep pain. Would totally blunt in public have done the job well for you? And if it would, please recognise that you may be unique in this regard.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Actually I have blind friends and we don't mince words. I learned early on from them that saying 'take a look at this' is not at all wrong. They automatically hold a hand out for the object.  It's the same with deaf friends when I sign to them 'would you shut up and listen to me', they laugh and actually do. It simply means stop and pay attention because the point is being missed.
Maybe that's what is happening here....the point is simply being missed alot of the time???
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Goto Forum:
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A Place of Safety
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Re: Feeling in or out of place 
Precisely, Charlie 
Re: My reply again, and one for Angel. 
Odd how this turned into somthing a little different. Summary: 
