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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Now that needs thought.
What the heck is he talking about? Surely gayness is important?
Only it isn't, is it?
I mean not really important. Not life alteringly important.
Isn't it all about love, and inner desires? And not about a label?
Do we need so much to "belong" that we call ourslves gay? I know no-one who walks up to me and says "Hi, my name is Fred, and I am heterosexual". I know several who lead with their homosexuality.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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If truely "no" then why are we here? Not "life altering" but I suspect so much about your life would be different, timmy, if not for this one fact.
I think it is more how we internalize this detail. Yes, it is not our whole being, it is one attribute among many. One aspect is we are a minority worldwide and there is not necessarily a specific region/country/culture/faith/visible attribute which we as a minority have in common.
At the moment, except for my on-line life, this detail has nearly no affect on life. Well, it has affected my marriage, so that isn't quite true. But, it is starting to affect how my friends and family view me, view gays, view society - tweeking their thinking a bit.
I work with a redhead who believes that is a significant attribute which is part of her personality, etc. Yet, she can simply dye it, and most people probably don't care much.
I'm sure that "homosexual" has other connotations or expectations to some of us, besides simply who we are attracted to/have sex with. Even the most basic definition we may view differently. For example, if a guy has sex with other guys, but isn't ever attracted to them, find them especially beautiful, and fantasize about them, I would say he isn't truely gay, just taking advantage of convenient sex. I my situation, expecially, the reverse situation is also true, which is why I consider myself gay and not bi.
Others would say the only truly relevant thing is who you have sex with. Others would say there is a culture or lifestyle.
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Yes! In the total scheme of things the labels that we apply to ourselfs are only a way to find solace and support from like minded individuals in the case of gays, in a world that for the most part is culturally unexcepting.
Other than that I think that any label that limits the scope of 6 billion idividuals diversity is, well, just plain stifling to the advancement of mankind. Nevertheless we do need terms that define so we can learn and understand. The evidance of our confusion in life has left its mark though.
I think there is no clear answer. If we could live in another world where everyone was excepting of the other persons benign diversity, well, that would be a diffrent world wouldn't it?
My main concern in such a lable is that we don't adopt the narrowly defined caricatures that socity has applied to these terms!
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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I have feelings of deja vu here, but okay... Here we go again then... 
People label themselves by political affiliation, sports team preference, nationality, religion and countless other things, then by golly why not sexuality as well? Are we in denial here or something?
I'm not saying people should introduce themselves to strangers with the words, 'Hello, my name is Mr. So-and-so, and I'm a homosexual'. People don't introduce themselves by saying they're cricket fans (or whatever) either under most circumstances - and not just because cricket's often described as an embarrassingly boring game  - it's simply redundant. We don't need to know this information about a new face first time we meet. Most likely not second or fifth or tenth either for that matter.
However, saying one is gay when one IS gay is hardly equivalent to painting oneself into a corner, why is this anything to make such a fuss about?
If one feels 'gay' isn't the right term to describe oneself with, then fine. By all means, don't use it! Don't see why we should be afraid of using the 'G' word about ourselves though... I'm bi myself, but I'm really more gay than anything else. There, I labelled myself twice over and I don't feel one bit bad about it.
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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I understand and somewhat agree that society puts to much weight on our sexuality, that comes from their fear.
But on a personal level, knowing yourself and who you are is so very important. To know ones self, is to be free. Free to live and grow beyond the potential that you or others thought you were capable of.
It is who I am, it is what I am.
But darn it, it is not ALL that I am!!!!!
Much love to all,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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See, it's like this...
Like Lenny says, people dont introduce themselves as cricket fans, or as being Baptist... (Well except John that is) or whatever...
When you go to a cricket match though you expect for the greater part that all the other people there will be cricket fans as well.... It therefore becomes a foregone conclusion that it is implied.
Likewise at a baptist tent revival you would expect to find a plethora of baptists there... If you see John, let me know...
But....
There are always the few people that have never been to a cricket match nor a baptist tent revival.... They might be baseball fans or Methodists and just want to learn how the other half live... Or maybe they are disgruntled by some aspect of the game and are looking for another game to play or church to worship....
Well then why can not the samy basic form of searching and learning apply to gays..... Or even those that are questioning for that matter...
If a newby comes to a party at a gay person's home then he might as well be correct in assuming that all the other guests are gay...... This may or may not be the case but for the sake of simplicity, lets just assume it....
How would be best to introduce himself in order to avoid an embarassing situation??
Being a guest at the party, how would it be best to introduce yourself in order to make the newby comfortable?
Please think and answer.......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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that seems to work quite well.
"How well do you know [host]?" and allow the conversation to flow
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Tim,
Of course being Gay is life altering...
Of course it's important...
Yes it is about love, but it is also about lifestyle...
However any individual chooses to relate his sexuality to others is his or her own business. but we as a society need the terms you call labels in order to place the boundries which delineate proper behavior needed for any particular class of social interaction.
In essense, Gays relate to and with Gays differently than Str8s with Str8s. Also Gays when gays and str8s interact there usually is a mutual (unspoken) agreement that certain behaviors are correct and acceptable and other behaviors are not.
It is not so much that all gays need to belong to a "good ole boys club" to be accepted, but the rules still need to be in place. As a matter of tollerance, we as a social group need some sort of solidarity, a flag to rally to if we are to gain acceptance at a social level. The term GAY gives us that focal point.
Is it about love, desires, longings for a better way of life.... Yes, but that standard applies to everyone, not just gays....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Being gay is so unimportant 
Re: Being gay is so unimportant 
