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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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This kinda came after reading what Marc said about smoking (my mind bounces)
If so many gay relationships are shaky cause it's so easy to move on, can a totally gay man have a solid relationship with a bisexual man?
What I mean is: If, like in any relationship, gay,bi,str8, you worry that your partner will find someone else, then wouldn't that make it bunches harder with him being attracted to both men and women?
If you put them in a room with 20 people, 10 men and 10 women, the gay guy would check out the 10 guys but the bi guy would check out all 20. The odds go way up.
I know you're gonna use the 'trust' word here but I'm just asking cause I guess I'm not really clear on bisexuality. If you are bi, you can be a str8 guy that finds other guys attractive or a guy that likes other guys but finds women attractive? So you could end up in a relationship with either one? Or is there a stronger leaning towards one or the other?
Was that clear at all????
smith
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Firstly, If you are in a relationship and have to worry about your partner "finding someone else", it must not have been a very solid relationship in the first place.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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At least that's how I read it.
Can oyu shed a "Secondly" piece of light too, please? Anyone?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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To me, a solidly gay man (never being with a woman intametly) being "bi" is akin to sticking it in any hole willing to accept it.
For the sake of relationships (and I read the post as being about the stability of relationships) one must assume that once the choice is made, if the relationship is to grow and prosper to be with either one gender or the other.
If one is already in a relationship and needs to look beyond what he/she has to find greener pastures then that relationship is nothing more than a sham.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I have only recently admitted to myself that I am attracted to both sexes. I had suppressed my gay side so deeply in my military career that it was a none factor for the 'peak' years of my adulthood. But now that I am more open to myself I have discovered the joys of looking at everyone! LOL
I agree with Marc, if you are worried about losing your partner to some else the the relationship is on shakey grounds. But if the relationship is solid who cares who you look at or lust after? My wife and I (when we were together) used to point out to each other people that we thought might be attractive to the other. Usually we were right, and it seemed to enhance our sexual encounters. Looking and admiring are natural, it's how we view those events that make us. BTW, I subscribe to both Playboy and Freshmen.
Hugs, Charlie
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Ok, I don't claim to be an expert on bisexuality, but here's my 2 cents worth...
To your first question, I think a totally gay man can have a solid relationship with a bisexual man. And following your reasoning, the bi guy has about twice as much potential partners as the gay man. But, kinda like Marc and Charlie pointed out, just like if you were in a relationship with a gay guy, you expect the bi guy to stay faithfull. Or I would expect, anyway.
Still, being in a relationship with a guy can be harder for a bi guy than for a gay guy, I'd imagine. I mean, the bi guy "has the option to be normal", ie. be in a relationship with a woman. A bi guy could walk away from all the discrimination and bigotry. Actually, at the gay student club at my uni, there's a couple where one is gay and the other is bi. A third person from the club once told me that he admires and respects the bi guy a lot. Partly because he's bi and and chooses to be in a relationship with a guy, and thus chooses a harder path in life.
I don't really know if bisexual people find men and women equally attractive or if they prefer one gender over the other. I would imagine that it varies from person to person. I did have a friend, who believed that in the end, everyone is bisexual. That we don't fall in love with a gender, but with a person. Of course the gender would usually be the same, since I think we find certain qualities attractive, and some qualities appear more often in men(/women) than in women(/men). Whether true or not, I kinda like the theory.
I hope this answered your question atleast somewhat.
Setras
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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It's really not that different, though there may be twice as many people to be attracted to. I agree with some of the earlier posts. A person's sexuality does really have as much to do with it as his committment to the relationship.
I'm bi, but more attracted to guys than women. I have gay fantasies. Sometimes I have straight fantasies. I look at guys. Once in a while I look at a woman. But I am committed to my wife so the fantasies remain fantasies.
Don't know if that helps.
Think good thoughts,
e
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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remaining true to your lifemate is what is important. The label is secondary....
Love is never wrong, ever.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Really this is a very complex question. Sure a Bi man can have a solid stable relation ship with his man. I know two that have been togather since the early 60's.
Marc is right love is where it's at it all a matter of who you fall in love with.
I think though the biggest problem we face is the societal constrants and ideals we labor under in the western world.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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There's probably so many different types of bi-ness and such, but I won't even try going into all that. I will just look at myself, and there is the answer. Yes, it would be possible. 
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Just as no-one is 100% straight or 100% gay, there isn't really a 50/50 point either, in my opinion.
For a bi guy that pursues their male attraction instead of their female attraction, I'd have to say that in most cases they are leaning more towards the gay end of things but maybe they still have some attraction towards females. From my experience most of the bi guys that 'come out' in any form do have a stronger attraction towards males than females, I've talked to some guys that consider themselves straight but do have a limited male attraction.
I haven't really answered your question too well, but hopefully what I've said can help you to answer it more yourself...
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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There is such a large pool of candidates, especially "opposite gender" ones, that doubling the size of the pool isn't really significant, me thinks.
If you are prone to either cheating or looking elsewhere for whatever reason, you will find someone unless you have very specific qualifications. Even if you want a gay guy, if that's 5% of the population, you can still find one easily enough if you are looking, I think.
Also, if he's looking at both the guys and the women, statistically only 10% of the guys have a chance of being interested anyway, so that's only increasing from 50% to 60%, at least in the possibility of returning his affections - only the "eye candy" factor has doubled statistically. But, my previous paragraph says I don't think the pool size matters that much.
"If so many gay relationships are shaky cause it's so easy to move on, can a totally gay man have a solid relationship with a bisexual man?"
I think this depends more on the individuals than anything else, really.
Not to be contrary, but I'm not sure I agree with the premise or that the "lifestyle" Marc described is really common to "most" gays. I don't know, he would probably know better, but this MAY be more a case of "all the people I know X" but in fact you know them partially BECAUSE of X. X could be smoking, religion, conservative/liberal, etc, not just "stereotypical gay lifestyle." We tend to meet people who have things in common with us, generally speaking.
Or maybe this is just my wishful thinking that the negative aspects of the lifestyle are not really all that common? The few gay people I know in r/l don't have the stereotypical lifestyle.
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