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Saturday, August 23, convicted child molestor John Geoghan (pronounced Ge-Gan) was killed at the Souza-Baranowski Correction Center, 30 miles northwest of Boston. Killed by a fellow inmate. And while I'm not celebrating this, by any means, it was this man's case and the many that fell out into public view once this case had ended in the courts, that broke the final threads of my childhood faith in the religion I had been brought up in.
Which is to say that I no longer had faith in the religion, it's ritual, it's heirarchy, it's traditions and it's blatantly overlooked missuse of it's own moral standards. I find that words don't adequetely explain all the emotions I'm feeling as I read that story this morning. I hadn't been molested by a priest, but I knew boys who were. The lack of trust there is crippling. And then, after all this comes out and the Church to suddenly be paying out huge sums up front instead of behind the frock, so to speak, and admitting it's own wrong doing......that broke the last strand. Not even the music, which was my own spiritual center, was enough to keep with it.
Being Bi (which to most other Catholics is probably as bad a thing as being gay) I felt that my religion was letting me down anyways. In the New Testament, the First Book of John, chapter 4, verses 7 & 8 states clearly "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of god, and everyone that loves is born of god and knows god. He that does not love does not know god, for god is love, so let us love one another." In another scripture passage, attributed directly to Jesus himself, we are told to forgive all, to approach all with compassion and understanding and love. Yet here I am, ostrasized by the community of faith I once embraced for believing how I do, and for being what I am.
So, now that I hear that Geoghan is dead, slain by another inmate, I find myself sort of numb. Like a rubberband stretched too far and then released, all the tension is gone, replaced by an aching emptiness. I lack of closure, perhaps, because now this issue, which so upset me at the time and then just served to divorce me further from my own beliefs growing up, will now be forgotten and filed away.
You know, I write stories in which teens explore their awakening sexuality. It's more about finding and experiencing love as well, but let's be honest, it's about sex as well. But at least as far as my stories, and most all that I've seen here are concerned, it's about choice. This man Geoghan abused a position of trust, of authority, and in many ways, just abused the nature of some boys who were probably seeking guidance, and that abuse, that flagrant mockery of his status and the needs of those he professed to serve sickens me. This wasnt' a healthy sexual release, or even a consentual act that involved a boy and a man. This was a rape of faith and trust, and my church, that so solidly stands against my own sexual orientation, not only let it go, they let it go on, and they tried to cover it up.
So I keep coming back to this one point. This one question that I cannot answer, that probably no one can. Was this justice?
Part of me screams that it was. But part of me wishes that there were more. Not that I'm vengeful or want to scream "hypocricy!" in the streets in front of any given Catholic church. No. I think in large measure, that I really feel that the Church has done me, itself and all the families that truly have faith an enormous disservice in covering this up. And in taking a stand against things that many clergy ran into the priesthood to hide in the first place.
My faith is destroyed now. The last vestiges of it withered and died long ago, but even those faint reminders of the joy and hope and sense of something larger than myself all fade a little more. And shockingly enough, I find myself just plain numb, not even comfortably so, that this chapter is done. In my heart I have forgiven those that thought they knew what was best, but I cannot forget that mistake, and neither can all the others who were victimized by their religion that this matter just finalized.
I'd like to think that things are closer to how things are represented in the movie Dogma. That faith is about a good idea, not about organized religion or belief structures. That the true course of God is more based on a fact that we don't understand God and should probably not try to hard to. Just know that as a creator, God watches us, loves us, and in many ways worries about us. It is often said that we are in God's hands now. I don't believe that anymore. I think that God wants us to figure it out on our own. God made us, God now needs us to be who we are, to be what we are, and above all, to keep hold onto our good ideas. It's not about rapture, anymore. It's about enjoying the life that is and passing that enjoyment on to those that follow after you. Circle of life, of light.
Anyways, enough proselytising. Tell me what you think about all this mess.
hugs and tears and all that good junk.....
D'Artagnon
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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He got what was coming to him. Nothing more, nothing less.
Remember, what goes around...
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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For it to be justice, I think a just judge would need to dish out the punishment, not a fellow inmate. Serial murderers may never meet this same fate, though I suppose it's debateable who inflicted the worse pain depending on the circumstances.
I do hope you can keep your faith in that which is right and correct. Churches are goverened by people, and the Catholic church by one Pope, more or less. People are imperfect, and so are the churches and religions we've created. The bible doesn't say trust the church or trust the Pope or trust your priest/pastor/minister. Put your faith in who you trust.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Absolutely an amazing and awsome post..My respect for this gifted author increases with every day.The only thing I would ask is that there be more posts of this nature.(renews my faith in human nature)...I do have a question though,and that is Whatever happened to the old practice of boycotting or just simply staying away and refusing to support these snake pits that guise themselves as religions?....Heck just a few months of a solid boycott and most churches would be climbing the walls...rob
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Faith is not religion. Look at your beliefs and simply decide if they make sense.
Religion is often an excuse for inadequates to hide behind, There are notable exceptions. Religion is not necessary for faith to exist
Abiuse of a position of trust is often made easy by the trappings of religion. Blame not only this man but those who gave him the environment in which abuse was eased for him.
He is dead. It is enough that he is dead.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Geoghan was just a man, a bad man, who did really bad things hiding behind black robes and using people's faith to his own gains.
There was a section on the news talking about prisons and how even there they have a code of honor. They hate people who hurt children.
Like Lenny said.......What goes around,comes around. I just feel so sorry for all the children who have grown up doubting themselves or their faith because the act was done supposedly "in God's name".
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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No Message Body
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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No Message Body
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I was just gonna keep my trap shut,but these last two posts really torqued my tube.I have passed on these comments to a Mr John Walsh whose son was divided into two pieces by a molester.I am sure his comments would fry this forum.....rob
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Everyone has motivations for what they do, even if these motivations don't excuse the actions, perhaps they can at least help us understand. Everyone deserves a chance to change, they are just a product of a messed up society, too.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Thanks for this, S...you took the words right out of my mouth.
My personal view is that killing criminals because they are criminals is a sign of a primative, vengeful, and under-developed system of values (a la Steve's post above.)
But I don't plan to attack anybody because they agree with the death penalty.
I certainly don't wish to be blasted for my opinions either.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I know well several boys who were seriously molested. As an example I am going to paraphrase two of them. Each is relevant because each was molested over a substantial period of time, and each has been harmed by the molestation. Before I quote them I would like it to be understood that not every person molested actually takes harm from it, though a great many are harmed.
Each boy was raped. Each boy was raped often, either by physical pressure or by emotional blackmail. Each boy came close to death at his own hands as an aftermath of the horrific abuse.
Each boy is a worthwhile and upstanding citizen today, and each contributes to his society and environment. Neither boy is fully healed.
One said to me "I have forgiven my abusers. I could not live with myself if I had not forgiven them. This does not mean that I think that what they did was fine. It means simply that I have found the courage and strength to forgive them. I can now start to get my life back"
The other said to me "I cannot ever forgive him. Nor can I understand why he did what he did. I just know he did it because he could do it. But I do not want revenge on him."
A parent's views are also totally valid. As a father I know I would harm anyone who harmed my son. I suspect, after liustening to these two boys, my reaction woudl be disproportionately larger than my son's were he to have been abused.
If (which is unlikley) you know who these boys are, please do not reveal their names here. It would not be helpful to them
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Thanks Timmy-I needed to read what you had to say and BTW I do have the text of the two messages.Never in my whole life have I ever been so touched as when I read those two stories.I think they need to be republished and be required reading by some...rob
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Locally, on the radio this morning, a 14 yo youth was taken into custody for molesting a younger boy (6 or 8, I think) at a day care center where he was a "helper." He said he had been molested as a boy himself.
I have a nephew in a similar situation, I'm pretty sure. He was definitly abused by a babysitter and was found in compromising situations with his younger stepbrothers repeatedly when he was around 12. His father refuses counseling of any sort and his family is not one to talk candidly about anything to anyone, including each other. They sweep their problems under the carpet and bottle them up.
Who is to blame? Often these types of crimes are not as simple as they appear.
Regarding the death penalty, I certainly understand the desire for revenge, but am not sure it really "fixes" anything, especially for the actual victims.
My biggest concern is knowing how often, especially recently with better forensics and DNA tests, "murderers" behind bars for years have been proven positively innocent. I am sure we have killed innocent people in the name of justice before. Just a few, I'm sure, but they have families just like the victims. What is an acceptable error level? I certainly feel sorry for the executioner when this happens, too.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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with all due respect,and really not trying to be argumentive,but the methods of execution have been too sanitized.The French had a rather effective means,and many held lotterys on how many times the severed head would blink their eyes.Quite public I might add....rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If I had my way I would personally view their demise.
But, alas I don't....
As far as housing these miscreants... Well I think a fair settlement would be to have the families and supporters pay to maintain the people while as guests of the state.
Lets see how much support they get when it personally gets into their pocketbooks?
How quickly do you think the cries of inhuman punishment will cease?
I wonder.... I really do....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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The inevitible but not entirely shocking. 
Dunno if it was justice, sounds more like karma to me... 
Re: The inevitible but not entirely shocking. 
Re: I don't believe in the death penalty or vigilante actions 
Re: Somewhat related, in the news 
