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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I didn't mean to be nasty. I don't want to be nasty to anyone, it still happened. I'm not proud of that, and I could probably come up with a whole bunch of excuses to try and justify why I failed to be nice, especially to a person whom I happen to value and admire a great deal, a person whom I deeply care for.
What would be the point. Maybe the reason I don't have many friends is because I'm simply not a very nice person. YES, I had a bad day today and I was irritated. I should still have tried harder to not get so annoyed when I read that post, seems all my fuses are so short these days. Too short.
I know, it's a knee-jerk reaction for me to assume someone's out to get me when I am in this mood, I feel that way even when a person I consider my friend says or does something which probably is rather trivial really, except it gets all blown out of proportion in my mind. It's a behaviour I have TRIED SO HARD to break but I simply can't. I'm so used to being let down I invent letdowns myself where none exist. Of course, I don't want to do it but I still do, it's been bred into me out of past experiences, it doesn't matter how hard I try to stop it. I can't, and suddenly when I feel angry and insulted enough I lash out instead.
It makes me very sad, but only afterwards. When I do it I'm so angry and sit there and steam, feeling so righteous about it and tell myself how much everybody else should feel really sorry that it happened and that it's all THEIR fault. It's not, it's my fault. Only my fault... I'm a sad excuse for a human being and I'm not worthy to have any friends at all because I just end up disappointing and hurting them.
All I tried to do was to be nice and supportive, and then there was this grinning sunglass-face there all of a sudden telling me how I got everything backwards, and in my mind that meant I'm just not good enough, I don't understand, CAN'T understand because I'm inferior. 'Haha, you suck!', the sunglasses said and leered back at me.
Look what happened. I just tried to be nice and I screwed up. Totally.
So I'm sorry. I really am. I don't deserve you, not any of you because I just screw stuff up. I'm no good for anything, that's why nobody wants to have me as a boyfriend.
I apologise again to the one I was nasty to, that was wrong of me. I won't bother any of you again, so you won't have to get angry and upset because of me.
Hope I'll be able to sleep tonight. Not sure that will be the case but at least I tried. Hope none's too upset with me. I'm gonna feel awful because of this for ages now and it's all my fault. I suck, I know. People have told me that very thing all my life. Yes, that's just an attempt at an excuse just like this whole post - filled with self-pity as it is - but really there are no excuses. I just suck, plain and simple. I know it's true! I hate myself, I've always hated myself and I wish I didn't suck so bad but I can't change. I don't know how to be normal, this is all I am.
I'm sorry!
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No Message Body
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Ok dude, heres the thing. I ocmpletley udnerstand bad days. I had an aweful night last night. Anyone who spoke ot me knew it was jsut so bad. I completely understand that you make problems where there are none. I do the same exact thing. When you run out of real stuff thats wrong your mind makes up fake stuff thats wrong. It not a fun process and it's depressing as hell.
When your not in a good mood eveyrthing seems bad. Words that are really ncie becomes twisted. Everyone does it, everyone understands it. You are only human its ok... The apology is accepted and we can all start again. IM me sometime ok I wanna talk to you.
I dont believe it is your fault. I blame your mind. Minds do funny things without you ever wanting them to. Its ok. All is forgiven and we all love you
*HUgs*
~Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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shadow warrior2
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Getting started |
Location: U.S.A.
Registered: August 2003
Messages: 5
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Maybe I should have wrote that! I nearly lost the one I'm in love with last week. I to jump to conclusions about things. I read things that weren't there, and ended up making a mess of things. I promised to not get upset again, and have been stepping back before I say things. I know it's hard to change, but I think I'll be a better person for it. I hope you don't go away, I know people here forgive, and they do it alot.
So stick around, try stepping back and reading the post again before replying, then go forward with it.
Shadow Warrior 2
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ch.oo.lo
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Michigan, USA
Registered: August 2003
Messages: 49
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You don't suck, at all. I actually like you (which is a compliment from me, considering I don't usually like people). You are so unworthy of being friendless it's not even funny.
All of these sayings are coming to mind that I would use to give you advice. But I know for a fact that if someone told them to me, I wouldn't listen, so all I can say is do what you want and what makes you happy, because in the end that's what matters.
You don't 'deserve' everything you get. When you get something good you think you don't deserve just take it, be selfish and keep in mind that the next time you may not get the chance to be selfish.
I think you're courageous. You have the courage to post your opinions even after getting shut down time and time again. That's something that I could never do. It's commendable. I'm not saying that I agree with everything you've said, but I think that your ability to keep on going is pretty amazing despite what other people may say.
I'm not sure whether or not you want to hear advice or not, so other than what I've said above, I won't give you any. You could always IM me @ CJBluebabe12 (on AIM), if you want to talk, but you don't have to. Maybe you want to be alone, and take a break for a while, do what's best for you. The one thing I hope you don't do, is a 180. You've started a few fires here, added to many and gotten burned too many times to count all you can do is put a band aid on and hope that the scar isn't too visible.
-The One and Only Ch.Oo.Lo
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Hell, I have had bad years....
But I got through them.... and I know you can get past these bad days too....
One way is to let us know you are having a bad day.... Perhaps if we know what the situation is we can go that extra mile and sit through it with you....
We have done it before, Some doing it for me too when I needed it....
Just know this.... Just this one thing....
We care.... We care for you, and we care about you. We care if you are having a good day. And we will be caring if you have bad ones.
But talk to us.... Let us know when you need a hand held....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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When you walk through a storm-----Hold your head up high----and dont be afraid of the dark----At the end of the storm is a golden sky---and the sweet silver song of a lark----Walk on through the wind----Walk on through the rain----tho your dreams be tossed and blown---Walk on,walk on with hope in your heart---and you will never walk alone---you"ll never walk alone...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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As the worthy, who has apparently usurped my "nom de guerre", has stated in his reply further in this thread, we all are victims of our own two-left feet, and an inherent desire to feast upon their toes.
I've certainly done it, all too frequently it would seem to me, and I know I'll do it again in the future.
The best we can hope for is that our apologies will be accepted, and that we do not make the same error, in precicely the same manner the next time around.
Keep *posting* and share your thoughts. Somewhere in the midst of it all you're certain to find the panacea that will cure all your mis-intended wordy deeds.
Shadow-warrior
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Re: I'm sorry. 
