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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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What has been claimed to be family and a safe haven for diversity has failed and failed miserably.Friendship seemed to be the carrot dangled for the rabbit,but all that was were the butchers waiting to skin the rabbit...How pathetic!..much more could be said,but is pointless..this is not a family,it is a zoo of thin-skinned and insecure people that behave like sharks.the carrion of the oceans....rob
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I am assuming you see yourself as the rabbit. OK, that may be an incorrect assumption, but that is what I read into yout post, and my reply is based upon that.
All the time you have posted, be the thoughts you have posted constructive or destructiuve, I have tried to sit in your place, and to listen to you and what I believe you are trying so hard to say. Not everyone has done that, and I agree that sometimes I have been unable to achieve that because you have, when destructive, been very destructive.
The thing that must be hard to either learn or to understand is that no-one cares (in the best possible way) that you have physical handicaps, or that you fought for your country, or that you are a man of very strong faith, values and convictions. No-one cares about your race, colour, creed or anything about you. Again in the best possible way no-one cares.
All people care about is the guy inside all that baggage.
Now, the guy inside has many attributes. 90% of them are awesome. 5% You misrepresent and make that part of the way we see you suck. 5% (like for all of us) no-one will agree with.
The challenge is that you forget to show us the 90%, you fail to hide the unlikeable (remmeber everyone has this 5%) 5%, and you insist on making the 5% you show us badly into an unpleasant fight.
When this is pointed out you withdraw into your shell, and start hitting.
Now keep listening.
Your hits are more gentle now than they were before. The huge anger you have inside you at the great many injustices you have in your life is either being better managed, or you have less of it. Either of those is a great and wonderful thing.
Even so, when you lash out, the punches land in a devastating manner. They hurt people. They hurt people badly.
Sure, you can argue that you get hurt badly, too. And when someone else hits first I will spring to your defence. Just watch and see.
"Ah, but you, timmy, are just waiting to jump on me," is a thought I hear from you. Actually I'm waiting to hug you. With good fortune I am guiding you. If you see thatin the slightest way as patronising I will not be surprised, but I am not patronising you. There's just no way of saying it without the potential for being misunderstood as being patronising.
I, nor anyone here, is "better than you", nor are you "The bad kid" inthe schoolyard. I think it's simply that your life and experiences have made it sometimes hard for you to rub along in a very open and accepting social situation such as you find here. I used to work with a guy whose credo was "get your retaliation in first". I see some of that in the way your bristle and prickle. Hedgehogs can mate. But only with extreme care! The prickles have to be handled first.
Try to recognise that the only thing anyone is going to criticise you for is intemperate language. I don't mean cursing and swearing. I mean using your tongue in a way perceived as hurtful or spiteful.
And rememebr that people also rememebr history. But that they remember recent history far better than old history.
Show us the 90%. Moderate the 5% you misrepresent, and keep the last 5% hidden. You're doing great so far. Just do the rest.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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