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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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If you have read, as many or you have, my life story on the site, you will have seen that in May I wrote to the man who is today the bioy I was obsessed with this letter (it opens in a new window). That was in May 2001. In December 2001 I wrote and posted this letter which also opens a new window.
Quite a thing to write.
There is a poll there for you to tell me how YOU think he replied! And the answer is in the answer to the poll.
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Human nature is a strange beast, and not always pleasant. I thought about my situation before I answered, and thought about what I would do in John's shoes. I also tried to block out what I have learned here and other places in the past few months, back to when I was very unhappy and confused with myself. To open oneself up like you were hoping from John takes a courage that I have found most people do not posess.
But I am glad that you are sweeping the ghosts out, so to speak.
A great big HUG, Charlie
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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It took some courage, yes. BUT it was more born from necessity.
36 years chasing a ghost, and he WAS a ghost when we were at school too, is too long. I had to end it.
Now I am free Ican say with 95% certainty that he WAS interested, and that he DID have feelings for me. Two frightened boys so far apart side by side.
It is his loss. Whether he realises it or not, it is his loss. But to find out how I know this you must read and takethe poll.
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Well done, Tim. Both in the writing of the letters and in now letting it go.
It's time.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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For example, I cannot be nagry at him, cannot pity him, but am not sad any more, nor am I a prisoner inside my own head.
I did love him, and it was true love. Put simply I do not love him any more.
If he knocked on my door and said "I am so sorry, i have always loved you too," I have no idea how I would react now. But probably I wouold accept his apology, yet treat him as a friend. One can never be sure.
90% of this is real. 10% is an affirmation still to ensure I do not drop back into obsession. I am over him. I am no longer obsessed. I will always be grateful to him, despite his nature, for the way I have grown. I am the man I am through loving my ghost
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I again express my admiration to Tim. You are well on the way to doing what I have not been able to do yet.
Hugs, Charlie
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I had to do this. I had to be free.
I am free now.
And since I am free I can tell you that I am 95% certain that he returned all my feelings, and that we were 2 lonely boys separated by terror of discovery. So many little things tell me that. All the things he copied when I did them. But we both lost. We both won, too. We have each been married over 20 years. We each have children we love.
I wish he had the guts to reply, but he was, somehow, never as "strong" as I.
ANYONE can do this closure thing, but it takes peace of mind to SEND the letter and control to write the "right" letter. And a meeting or a phone call is far preferable
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