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hey ya guys. I have nown this kid online for 4 years and i think im in love with him. he gay and I have actually met him before hes 24 what should i do?
-Andy:-???
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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A kid? not so much a kid anymore. You said you met him before. Was it personal? Did he seemed alright to you?
Tell us more about him cause interent relationships can be very dangerous. I sure you know that. You never know a person until you actually treat him on a daily basis.
Anyways you know my AOL screen name if you want to talk about.
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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just be damn careful and if you do agree to meet this person make out a game plan that will insure your safety and tell someone you trust what you are doing .Andy,dont let the small head rule the big head--be safe.SEX is good and all that,but solid friendship is even better.Please take the time to be friends first then the rest will fall into place...BTW please practice your typing...hehehe....rob.....best of luck-good things happen to good people
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Be careful, take it slow. If you meet, talk to some friends first. Their are many precautions you should take first.
Also, follow your heart.
(I like to say this because it was advice I gave to myself some years back)
Life is full of regret, regret the things you've done, not the things you havn't done.
Be carefull PLEASE,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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first offf I cnat find my glasses so forgive the bloody typing I can't see my computer screen. Second I have aalready met him. He actually Camr to NJ a few years back and stayed three days to chill with me. He's anice guy I really like him I just don't know cuz I have like Steve here in Jersey ya kno. But I mean I have known him forur years now and I dunno. We had like a long convo last nigth about animals and what sort of critter we like It was funny. We agreed that ferrits are cool  I need to get dressed now see yall later!!
Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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This is interesting because we were discussing this type of situations in school about two days ago. Believe or not this happens often ( meeting people online ) because the internet is so accessible almost everybody can go online and meet people. Nobody says there is nothing wrong with it but there are some risk you need to take.
This is what happens. Let's say you meet somebody in a public chat room or whatevers and after a few days you start noticing he is a good guy or girl. Now this is the first risk you are taking. You letting somebody know things about you, your life, when you have never met them before personally. There is a big difference. First off you don't know how they really are only what they have told you so far. This is the internet and there are so many things you can say without worrying about the other person find out. What i'm saying you can lie, you can be whoever you want, you can be perfect, you can seduce somebody just using words. See the many things one can do. This are just a few and i can name many more. As far as i'm concern ( imagin me being the other guy you are talking to ) you are never going to find out who i really am. How can you avoid this? The best way is to meet somebody the old fashion way, personally. If do, you can find more about person this way than you ever will on the internet. I'm not talking about meeting then once, i'm talking about treating this person on a daily basis.
A few days , weeks, maybe months past and you feel you know this person you met online very well to maybe meet each other. This is where it gets dangerous. Why? I mean you are going to meet somebody without even knowing how this person really is. Yes i know you have talked to him for a while you feel you know him enough but to tell you the truth is not good enough. Lets say this person is not the person he says he is. Then we a problem. You innocent enough go meet him and you end up raped, beaten up, i don't know, something bad happens to you. It was your fault because you let this guy in your life and now see what happened. Now there is another side to this. Maybe the person is truthful and he is whoever he says he is. You got lucky there. But that is a risk you are going to have to take. Everyday, people leave their jobs, husbands , wifes , even school just to meet somebody who they think is the love of their life. When they meet this other person unfortunally they find out they were wrong and really this guy or person is an abuser, rapes you just because you did not wanted to have sex with them. I telling you man, this happens in real life, it is happenning right now. How can you avoid this? Well if you do decide to meet somebody, meet them on a public place where there a lot of people around. The mistake many people make today is they meet the other person on a private place thinking they know the other person well enough. This is like trying to jump from 0 - 60 in a second when we all know is better to go through the count one number at a time ( 0, 1, 2 , 3, etc ) Get my point? This is a very difficult decision only you can make.
Now you said you being talking to this guy for about 4 years now. There is nothing wrong with that. Who knows maybe he is the right person for you, maybe not. What i want to tell you is that don't rush things without being sure you really know this guy. I don't want you to run to him when you have a deep depression or think your if miserable just because you think he loves you and you are going to be happy with him. Your problems are not going to go away like this plus there is always the risk the person might take advange of this. This things can happen and sometimes we as humans decide to run away from our problems when is not the right solution. All i can advise you is to treat him more and try to find everything you can about him. Of course the best way is personally, but it is your choice. When you meet him ( again ), make sure it is in a public place, not at his apartment or the woods , a place were nobody will see you. This is my advise. It might not be the best one but it is something. Please don't get me wrong in some of the things i said. I was only trying to give a scenario of what could happen. All of this has a good side and maybe he is the right guy for you. So lets not think so negative, i don't want to lower your hopes of finding love.
( little of topic here but related )
Sometimes i like the idea when there was no computers, internet, technology in general was primitive because there is nothing like meeting someone personally. We have so much freedom, technology in our hands that many people don't know how to use it. They abuse everything that is given to us. This is the reality. At my school we were discussing all of this and we brought up some very good points. I happy i can be part of this discusions because it makes us students talk about things we usually keep to ourselfs, like sex, online chatting, what we think about our socity, just a few topics. You will be amaze what some of my classmates have to say.
Now Andy, take it easy, and go slow. I know you think you love him but becareful. We don't want you to get hurt. Rememeber you are young just like me want things to happen already. Trust me i know, i want to grow up alrady. You know what? things are going to happen when they are suppose to, lets not rush things. We have our whole life ahead of ourselves and lets enjoy it.
I hope everything works out for you
With love 
M.
P.S If something doesn't make sense talk to me, you know i'm always there.
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Well put M.
Way to go.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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No Message Body
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If you really do care about this person......
Wait until you are of the age of concent.
It is as plain as that....
You could be placing him in jeopardy... Perhaps prison... Remember as a minor your parents and the law prevail.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Since the age of consent in NJ is 16,Im sure that Andy will know how to handle himself.I am sure that any relation that Andy wants is HIS business and nobodys elses business..I wish you every happiness Andy.I do believe you have your parents support,You sure have ours.Just stay safe.Please be aware that there is a bias against intergenerational relations.What you do and how you feel is your business only although it would perhaps be a good idea to talk about some of any risks that you both may be taking.May you find your dreams.Think good thoughts,do good things and love good people..rob
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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But I believe the target has been missed slightly. Andy is not asking if he can trust the guy, he knows he can. He has known the guy for 4 years, which is longer than I've even had the internet for and he has met him once (for a period of 3 days). Trust is no longer an issue. I'm not trying to say the posts made were bad, they were far from it! But just clarfying as the advice so far doesn't really help Andy.
Well, I've talked to you on AIM and given you my thoughts. Basically there are two major concerns, in my opinion.
The first is age. Now, personally I believe this shouldn't be too important if you love each other, you don't plan to really do anything until you are 18 as you have said, that is a wise decision, even if things between you are legal. 8 years is a pretty big gap, especially when one of the people involved is still a student. That eight years will probably always be a factor, you are very mature and smart young boy, but 8 years of life experience is still potentially a HUGE head start. In the relationship it is always going to be fairly obvious you are the younger one, I think, at times your partner could well seem more like a father or a big brother than an equal, but, then again, knowing you I think that isn't a bad thing.
The other big factor is that although you have met him in real life, people still (usually) behave differently in real life to online. It is impossible to behave the same way in both situations as the situations are so entirely different, it is a whole different culture. Meeting someone for 3 days gives you a bit of an indication of what they are like, but really, if you love someone you need to spend at least a good month around them in order to get to know the real them. There are a lot of habits at things that while nothing major for the first while that can really start to bug you after a while. These things can't be noticed online and while they might just be minor things, it is these minor things that when compounded lead to break-ups usually. Still just take things as they come, playing it safetly and slowly and I'm sure if it is meant to be then things will work out with just a little hard work.
I know I've mentioned a lot of this in chat, so am just repeating myself, but I thought I'd post it publically in case anyone else has something to gain from it. Good luck anyway my little bro, I hope you don't get stung by the impatience bug and remember I gotta be a bridesmaid at your wedding! ::-)
PS. Ferrets are neat ;-D
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I don't think it's about a face to face meeting. You have alreay met.
Are you asking about the age gap?
If so it really isn't huge. Marc and Rob each make good points about age of consent, though this really only comes into play if some fool is going to object.
Are you asking about being in love?
You will just know, if it's love. If you can't bear anyone else to be with him, then it's love, pretty much.
The only area of concern is in case you are being used. But, if you love him, I don't think even that matters a tuppeny damn. But as devil's advicate for a moment, you are slightly built, and may be an older guy's idea of a "legal 13 year old" (yup, I know you're 16). But, if you love him, so what?
I don't see any obstacles here, unless a parent is going to object. Then obstacles pile up.
Go with your heart. One thing I am sure of is that you are not naive. You have a sweet and winsome way about you, and inside is a steel core. You know what you do not want, and know how to avoid it.
So, my tuppence worth? Go for it. Eyes wide open and go for it.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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But it is not worth putting some one you love into the risk of prison if the liason is illegal.
It would be a much more loving act to wait until things are not only right but legal as well.
And as for intergenerational relationships..... Well there is a right side to it and there is a wrong side to it as well..... But that is a matter of opinion and appropriatness.....
I for one am 15 years older than Kevin.... If I were now thirty he would be 15 and to me that would be not right.... but at 50 with Kevin at 35 it is more appropriate.....
It is just a matter of timing....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I have a feeling my parenst would object. They are the same age only 3 monthes apart. And well they were not too thrilled with Steve being almost 2 years older then me. So that is a little worry. I guess I would also have trouble explaining where I met him. I know they would not be happy that hes someone I met online. I dunno I have two years to think about it. I am not sure if we are in love. I'm not sure if I love Steve. For some reason I just can't tell. I do know however that I like them both so we will see. Steve will be going into some branch of army stuffs and I don't know what will happen.
Thanks for all the replies guys. Peace and Trees
~Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Woah you and Kevin are together? Like the Kevin on the baord I talk to ???
~Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If you are going to "wait" until the time is right both for you personally and as concerns the law.... then my hat's off to you sir....
As for an 8 year gap in ages.... Well as I have previously mentioned Kevin is 15 years my younger (in the right club clothes he can pass for a teen) and for a good while, when we were first together, we (I) would get the stares when we went out.... But when the people in our circle came to know us and how we felt about each other the age thing was no longer an issue.
8 years is not that much as.
What color will the bridesmaid's be wearing?
PUHleeeeeeze..... not lavender orghandy!!!!! Anything but that... LOL
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I think the answer is to wait, then. If it IS love then it will stand the test of time. Infuriating waiting, and yet it will be ok.
Parents do think they know what's best for us. Me, I'd want to know all about him and stuff, and to know how he cared about. And yes, I'd worry. But I'd also try to cope with relaising that you are gonna leave hom eone day.
I don't mind age differences at all. I am not even going to recommend caution. Love is unpredictable when it strikes. All I ask is that you keep your eyes wide open
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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When you fall in love.... You will know it....
Without any shadow of a doubt, you will know....
Now there is a subject for a thread...
What are the symptoms of "love"??????????
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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No Message Body
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I think the main question with both Steve and the other guy is HOW you love them. I love you, Andy, but now it is like I love my little brother, you're a good friend I care about a lot. I love Jake, but definately not in a romantic way, he's nice (albeit sometimes infuriating) guy and he can be nice to talk to and hang around with. I love my Mum, but definately not going to go there! I love the little Japanese kids I work with, and despite fears I have had personally, I have come to the conclusions that it most definately not in a sexual way, not even in a strong connection type way, but I don't want any thing bad to happen to them because they are so cute and innocent. There are many kinds of love, and sometimes it can be so hard to define, sometimes the only way to work out what kind of love it is, is to try it. You've known and loved (in some way) the guy for 4 years already, another 2 and perhaps you'll be ready to try a relationship with him. Maybe it won't work, and if it doesn't it will show that maybe you didn't love him in that way, instead you just loved him as a best friend, big-brother figure, father-figure or something else entirely.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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internet relationships always have the potential to be messy ... but sometimes not. some of my better relationships have been people i've met online, usually in common interest areas. i've had just as messy relationships with people i've met locally, so it all just depends.
with the aspect of your current relationship, well .. you have some things to weigh out then. i agree with everyone else, that you should take it careful and slow -- sometimes we don't fully know the people we see every day, this is true, but it IS easier to hide things over distances, or computers. do a pro vs. con thing, in your mind, if you have to. perhaps talk to the LD friend in question, and see what he says? i wish i could offer more help.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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But the Kevin from the board only lives about 90 minutes from here and we have met.
Kevin is a great friend....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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