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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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this question needs to be addressed!
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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However there are problems that can arise because of it. People from two different generations with a large age gap will always have different interests, different life philosophies, different outlooks, depending on their generation. Plus, an older person will usually have the 'upper hand' in a relationship, because we are taught to respect our elders. Even as an 18 year old, I find it hard to consider that older people are at the same stage in life as me, I can have a conversation where I treat them on the same level, but it is hard, I still consider myself to fit in the teenage age bracket, though when talking to 14 year olds and the like, I realise I don't really fit there, either. Maybe even as a 14 year old I didn't fit there, though, just due to maturity levels, personality and whatever else. Anyway, back on topic, age is an important factor in a relationship as it effects physically, emotional, mental, social and most aspects of self. I don't think a relationship should be ruled out because of age, but age is probably one of the most important characteristics in choosing a partner, after gender.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Great spans in age as the situation pertains to concenting adults is nothing more of nothing less than a personal choice between grown up people that are capable of making the decision.
But! When it comes to a situation by which the two involved parties span the age of concent line the relationship then becomes a liason whis is illegal, immoral and a danger to the younger of the pair. Thus cross generational relationshops which come into this area become a situation where the older of the two becomes an abuser and the younger becomes a victom. Neither are good places to be.
It is as plain as that.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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There are amazingly wonderful things for both parties when there is a gap in ages. These include:- The older mentors the younger
- Potentially there is enough cash from the older for both to have a great lifestyle
- The younger keeps the older youthful
- The older helps the younger mature without tripping and falling so often
- Some young people absolutely need a father figure. In such a case the realtionship is doubly fulfilling for each
This is in many ways similar to the "pure" ancient Greek ethos. But there is a downside, too.- The potential for abuse is high if the older is a predator in disguise
- Many yoiung people who start on a sexual life too young will tell you when older that they regret losing their innocence so early
- A young person may not yet know their own mind clearly
- A young perosn may be below the age of consent, either where they live, or where they travel to, rendering the relationship open to "inspection" and posisble criminal proceedings
- A young person may be physically immature, making sexual discomfort or physical damage a strong posisbility
The pros do not outweight the cons, so a relationship with a large age gap requires a very serious amount of thought.
This doesn't mean it is inherently right or inherently wrong. Circumstances alter cases, and each relationship really should be judged by only those involved. However, the law was created and enacted to remove the great potential for the harm of a child by an adult. Thsi is emotional harm and physical harm. It is legal backing to "No means no!" even if a person below the age of consent attempts to consent, the law says "No consent can be given".
Note that it is fine for an 80 year old millionaire to marry a 17 year old gold digging bimbette, but it woudl not be fine for that millionaire to partner with even a 21 y/o young man!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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First I think the term 'Intergenerational Relationships' needs to be defined. The media has more or less defined generations by labeling, i.e. 'Baby Boomers', 'Generation X', ' The Eighties Generation', etc. These are determined by the year you were born. The law defines only two, adulthood and childhood. But are these true definitions of the term? Maybe not, but they must remain in any consideration when discussing 'relationships'.
Another aspect of 'Intergenerational Relationships' that is not so well defined has to do with, for lack of a better term, maturity. Maturity is often linked with age and experience (sometimes in error) and is the driving force behind the legal definition in an effort to protect those who may not have the 'maturity' to make wise or correct (to society at large) decisions and choices.
My definition of an 'Intergenerational Relationship' is where one side of the relationship exerts a certain type of authority or influence over the other side (intentional or not) based on age, experience, and/or circumstance. Let me hasten to say this is not a negative comment as the majority of relationships are thusly based and work to the good of both sides. Often the 'stronger' element is switched back and forth based on situation.
However, when the 'stronger' side exerts enough control on the 'weaker' to induce a reduction of growth or self control then the potential for harm is increased. This is why we have laws concerning 'Age of Consent'. Societal norm has set an arbitrary point, or age, at which a person can make their own choice concerning sexual relations without legal consequences. That notwithstanding, we all know that any type of relationship, be it sexual or not, will have some type of consequence on our own growth and self control. If that premise can be acknowledged, and accepted by both sides, then the basis for the relationship is firmer and can lead to growth, happiness, and contentment for both. IMHO
Hugs, Charlie
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My parents were more than a decade apart.
Each relationship is unique. As long as it is consensual, it is the business of the two involved.
Legal aspects make it a grey area. But even then, it is not always wrong just because it is not legal (but usually it is wrong).
Loving and being loved is one of the most beutiful things in life. If someone gets that chance, I think it is best to take it and run with it.
My wish is that each of us here finds love in out lives. My family here deserves that.
Much love to all,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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We are talking about people of the legal age of concent? Am I correct?
Because if we are talking about adults and children then we are condoning child abuse.....
It is as plain as that....
If you think I am wrong in my assessment, then get yourself a child and ask his parents as to wether you are correct in your persuit of their child.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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The only difficulty with that comes when the age in one part of the world is radically different form another part. Even so I choose to trust the lawmakers with the laws they have made, but petition my own if I believe a law to be wrong.
Below the lagal age of consent, whether one "feels" that a relationship s good or not, by definition it is wrong, and punishable in law.
Elsewhere on the site is a discussion about ages of consent.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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no-one has mentioned having sex with a child..give it a rest marc...rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I really do wish you could make at least a cursury attempt to develope some rudimentary form of manners.
Rob.... Give it a rest!
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Marc:..I am at this time requesting Timmy to notify you by private e-mail not ever to respond to me as I do not want what happened in the past to happen again. It is my opinion and I could be wrong and I am trying to be as polite as I can,Do not contact me nor do not reply to any post I may make.I do not wish to get banned from this site,but right about now my blood is boiling and do not wish to say anything that will get me in trouble...Timmy I hope you are reading this,I do not want to cause trouble here but you must understand that this person pushes me to the limit...rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I shall respond to whatever posts I feel need input.
Have a nice day.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It is in the other thread. The advice, such as it is, is for anyone who feels pushed by another person.
We have the absolute ability to control our own reactions to any emotional stimulus. It is not within my power, nor is it my desire, to attempt to control anyone else's.
Carrying this particular line on here will not add to thsi thread. So let us returnm to the subjectin hand, and set this "internal/external" issue aside.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It seems that about every six months or so this very question seems to pop up and as ever, without any definative resolution.
Why does the idea of age in a relationship seem so important?
Especially when age matters not one iota to two people that are in love.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Again, this is for those baove the age of consent only.
People feel that society pressures them into relationships where the age difference is a maximum of about 4 years either way.
That is patently a received wisdom, but it does make the couple consider their relationship the more carefully because of it.
I think it is a form of societal jealousy that an older person can attract a younger. As far as I am concerned, provided eyes are as open as in any other relationship, the age diference may be as great as physically possible, if that is desired by the couple concerned.
And I sure am envious of the old scrote of my advanced years who can attract a sweet younger lover.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Old scrote? Cool expression...I never heard it before...I may trade in my "Old Geezer" name for this one...if it's not too derogatory, that is. )
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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But like I said previously, Kevin is 15 years my junior and from the first moment we have been devoted to each other.
There is nothing I won't do for him and I am sure he feels the same way as well.
Sometimes there is friction reguarding experience doing some things but we work them out quick enough (we have learned the time out rule). The friction of late is well greased with love and affection.
And he still can pass for a teen (albeit late teen) when he wears his club clothes.... LOL
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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what is so wrong with intergenerational relationships 
Nothing at all ... 
Re: I need to understand something??????? 
