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How do I get over him? Yes, that him that I've been talking about for nearly a year now. And even though I told him my true feelings and he rejected me 10 1/2 months ago, my heart still breaks. We haven't even had a conversation since December, but he's always there. It kills me every time.
I saw his name on my school's website today, and I broke out into a sweat. (It was pretty hot in the computer lab, too, but still.) Even seeing his name in writing kills me.
He's back on my bus again this year, and today, I tensed up. Nervous, not speaking to him, hiding in my shell, breaking up on the inside. I turn to talk to one of his friends sitting near him, and he turns away from me, towards the window. When I got home, the phone rang. I thought, "Oh my God, what if it's him?!" What a fool I am.
I just can't stop thinking about him.
The 3 months of summer vacation where I didn't even see him once, I still thought about him frequently. Why am I stuck in the past? Why can't I get over him?
More importantly, how do I get over him? I know it's a cruel question, but is there any way?
Funny, I've been at this MB for a year now. In my first post, I asked how to tell if he was gay or not. Now, I'm asking how to get over him.
-Tom :-[
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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I know it's hard to do but time to look beyound to some of the other cute guys around you. I'd be will to bet there's one out there looking for you he could be just across the room in one of your classes or across the lunch room;-)
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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oh gosh. if i could give you a hug right now, i would. i think we've all been in that spot at one point in our lives, or another ..
it's not going to make you feel better, i know, but in light of not being alone here, there's still someone i'm not over -- someone i can't have, i couldn't have even though we were so, so close. totally gone now, but not from my mind. and to know he lives in this very town chills my blood.
unfortunately, you may not ever get over him, not fully. but you'll move past, and he'll be a part of your memory you never let go of. eventually, someone who WILL like you, and love you, and want you, will come along, and though this person might not erase him, the burn will go away, and the soothe will feel wonderful.
sorry if this wasn't much help, or what you need .. i just felt compelled to say something.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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Maybe you need to talk to him one more time?
Like, talk things through, maybe try to make him acknowledge you on at least some level...maybe? I don't know, heck, I don't even know you that well. Maybe this isn't a good idea at all. 
I would think though, trying to have a talk might be beneficial, to get both to understand you have nothing to fear from the other, or something of that sort.
Other than that, I don't think there is any other way to get rid of your emotions other than simply coping until they are gone one way or another, most probably by you leaving school and you both go your separate ways. You might remember him and feel that same old rush of emotions even after many years, but it will only last a few moments and then you'll turn around and let your boyfriend hug you and hold you and love you, and that will banish him back to that dusty hall of memories where he lives these days.
Well. One can only hope.
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Yeah, that's a toughy, there, Tom. Getting past someone you still have it for isn't easy. I kinda agree with everything everyone has said thus far.
All I really have to add is this. You've been in a sorta holding pattern for a while now. Sounds like you've been waiting desperately for any kind of response, either in your direction or in total rejection. Things between the two of you are in limbo. The only thing that is certain is that you're not happy, he's not talking and somewhere in the middle, everything is muddled.
He's probably feeling kinds weird. It's not a common practice for some people to hear that someone of their own gender has romantic emotions for them. There's a bit of pressure and possibly worry on his part. I commend you for being brave enough to tell him how you feel, but you should consider his position as well. Not to put that pressure on you, my young friend, but because his position is going to greatly determine his own reactions.
So, how do you get your mind off this boy, how do you get past him? First off, stay busy. Stay focused on other things. Not an easy task, I know, but putting your energy to work in other places can help you forget the intensity of the moment. You might actually find a new interest that you can pour yourself into and allow the feelings to fade.
Fact of the matter, as tough as this is to say and to accept, is that only time and other things and people in your life will help ease that pain and let the feelings dwindle. I know that having him present in your school all the time is a constant torture, but things will get better. Just remember an old Latin phrase. Procul Harem = All these things passing. It will all better.
I hope this helps. Hang in there, pal. I know it's not easy, but you showed immense courage and a great deal of humanity in admitting to this boy your true emotions. You've got a great deal of respect from me and a lot of us here at the board, I'm sure. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day soon, things will ease out for you. I know you have deep rivers of untapped strength, young sir, and that will be a quality that you and your real friends will come to understand and appreciate over time. You have impressed me just in being strong enough to make yourself that vulnerable, and I am sure that you will be able to let the pain slide away, to shine on.
Good Luck, Tom. Keep your head up buddy.
D'Artagnon
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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One other thing that other people haven't yet mentioned...what if you're holding onto him a bit too much...not to him, so much as holding onto the fantasy of what you hoped would happen.
You have to want to let go...and wanting to let go and move on is sometimes the hardest part.
Lots of time, I don't really want to let go and move on...I am still way down deep hoping that something or other will change and then I'll get what I originally wanted.
Maybe this doesn't make sense...could be I'm off-base, too...but you gotta really want to put him firmly into your past fantasies category...and remember that nothing really ever happened except in your good dreams.
Over to our very own Timmy, perhaps...?
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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A decision and a realisation.
Internally you have to realise and accept that he will not be yours, that he is not gay, and that he may be pleasant, but he will never respond to you in a romantic, let alone an erotic way.
The moment you do this you will start to allow the image of him and you inthe sunset slip away.
It feels horrible, because "he" is your one true love who "just needs to realise how much you and he can be happy". Only he is not, and he will not, and he can not. You may want to do anything at all fo rhim. He does not care about you. So he is not your love, though you love him.
Took me ages to accept it, myself. And 99.9% I manage well. But we can't ever forget or entirely get over our first and potentially best love. We just remember with less "in love" and more "Yes, I see why I loved him" and the proportion changes and gets easier day by day.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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write him a note and shove it in his locker at school...but put a lot of thought in the letter,he may just show it to others.does he know your gay.do you know if hes gay,if hes not,then tell him that your no threat,but you would like to be friends.This is something your gonna have to face and its going to take all the courage and honesty you can muster...Hell,Ill write the letter if you want,Ive been there and done that....rob
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What's been troubling me 
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Re: What's been troubling me 
