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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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and I'm not saying any names, the person knows who he is, as I'm sure everyone else does, that he never intends his words to hurt that it's how people take them.
I have written this post a couple of times, deleted it, written it again, cancelled it, debating whether it should be written. Deciding finally that what I have to say on behalf of a very special young man is truly *worth* saying!
There are some things that can't be misconstrued and that do indeed hurt people to the quick. I read this board from time to time and have seen what has been posted. The old rhyme 'sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me' just isn't true! Words do hurt as many people know, and not just gays either. They hurt all of us.
I would encourage this person to kindly think about what he has said and will say. Know that it is ok to be human and to make mistakes, but never is it ok to demean another and hurt them beyond all repair. I think that really puts you on the level of those that gay-bash.
This may be an old argument Tim, but as I said, this needed to be said for the sake of the special young man. Even though he has moved beyond the hatefuul words said to him, I know from time to time he wishes they had never been said!
I hope you will allow this to remain so that everyone here can read them, reflect and realize that all people are capable of being hurt.
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the person, especially if MY words hurt anyone. I certainly never intend to do so, but you can NEVER be to careful.
Please send my warm wishes to your friend, and if it was me, my heartfelt apology.
Peace and love to you both,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Kevin,
Thank you for replying. Your words mean alot  This special guy feels no need to forgive the person until the person admits doing wrong by him. I understand why he feels the way he does.
Again, many thanks and hugs to you!
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Words can hurt so much and harsh,unthinking words can not be taken back. I hope it wasn't me that said anything hurtful. If by some chance it was, I'm so very sorry.
{{{{{{hugs}}}}} to the person you're talking about and {{{hugs}}} to you for caring so much for a friend.
smith
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Words hurt. They hurt so much that one must build a strong shield against them at times.
One cannot always use words that will not hurt any soul, but one can try. Most times those hurt will see the effort made not to hurt.
The very header of this board attempts to say all of that. And I know that as owner, I do not always succeed.
An old argument? No. A current and ever present concept that we need to use to guide our hands.
We may always disagree. But when we disagree we should not fight. And if we do fight we should fight in private, where wounds and insults may be apologised for and healed.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Thank you Tim. When one *chooses*, deliberately, on purpose to use words that hurt, there seems to be a difference however subtle. When that person says 'I intended no harm, it was how the person took my words that is the problem' is that person then not removing blame from themselves, thus creating themselves as faultless? I've seen this happen here, I hope the person realises that being human is not a fault but a blessing and that the more this behaviour is continued, the more friends will fall to the wayside for no one likes to have the constant barrage of words thrown at the 'shield' that can only last so long.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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"I apologise, for I intended no harm and did not realise my words were hurtful"
Sometimes we are unable to say the "sorry" word. We should, of course, but it won't pass our lips.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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We do, all of us, have the power to choose how we react to things. Sometimes it is very hard to make an active choice, especially when we are not used to doing so.
Let me give an example, knowing almost nothing about you. Since this is an example, if you take offence, I choose to be upset 
"You are totally stupid!" (and let us imagine that I am also shouting).
I choose those example words to hurt.
You see them and read them. If unready you could take grave offence. If ready you could read them and feed my behaviour back to me. "timmy," you could say, "I found your behaviour in saying that to me to be a hurtful behaviour. I reject what you have said to me absolutely"
This takes my unpleasant behaviour, allows you to choose your reaction (and you choose not to take offence), and also tells me, without being abusive, that I was wholly out of order. It criticises my behaviour, not me. My behaviour criticised you.
I'm starting to ramble a bit.
This comes down to how I have always tried to guide people here. To discuss, not to debate. To deal with behaviours not people. And we do not always succeed
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I hope your friend will forgive ...... 
Re: I hope your friend will forgive ...... 
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