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This is a general message to everyone. My prayers and hopes were answered that Simon would recover, which he has. We chatted today, and everything between him and I is over. I promised his parents I wouldn't beg for him to forgive me, and I didn't. After what I did, I don't deserve to be forgiven.
I'll love no other. It's my punishment for being who I am. All I can hope for is that things will be over soon to rid me of the hurt. Don't worry, I'm not going to "off" myself. I'm leaving that up to "HIM" to decide my fate.
I let others influence my actions, which was my mistake. It won't happen again. I'm adding a poem written by Stephen Bradshaw that showed his love for someone. I hope it explains how much I love Simon.
Goodbye
I don’t know what you look like
I never saw your smile
But in my mind the image
Makes it all worthwhile
I know the kind of person
You seem to me to be
And that is good enough, my friend
To love eternally
Wrong place, wrong time it would appear
And that’s what saddens me
For in another time and place
Perhaps another year
If only I hadn’t found your love
If to me this made no sense
The thoughts and feelings I have now
Would be directed somewhere else
I know you’re sorry, if you hurt me
That’s something you could never do
The hurt I feel is my own doing
It comes from loving you
I’m leaving now to go away
To be where I belong
That empty screen another will fill
With whom you can “singalong”
So I thank you for your friendship
You’re guidance always fair
And wish you well in all you do
Goodnight, God bless, take care
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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Just...hugs. Nice, warm, comfy, friendly hugs.
You'll always be my buddy, and you can always come to me for a hug whenever you need one okay? I luv to hug, so it wouldn't be a bother for me. Quite the opposite! 
You don't deserve to be sad, you deserve to be loved.
Take care,
Your friend now and always:
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Silly boy, Brian. We all deserve to be forgiven, and shoudl accept it when it is offered. That is his call to give, and rightly not yours to ask for, whatever it is.
Now, let's look at getting YOU sorted out. Itls time you took hold of BRIAN and gave him a gentle shake and got his business on track to either make a living from or sell.
And got you sorted out so you can find a decent, sweet, lovable, local guy
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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if you ever need, my IMs are always open, okay? or mailbox, or anything. i don't know the situation, so i don't know whether to say i'm sorry and offer a hug, or say i'm glad for you, and be strong, and you will be okay. but i DO hope you'll be okay, and hope you can be strong.
take care of you, okay?
*hugs*
heathyr
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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Brian ..
I am glad to hear that Simon is going to alright ..
I am sorry to hear that you two are giving up on each other ..
But if you need a friend to talk too , you know where to find me ..
Friendship's Doors ..
The keys that open friendship's door
Are in your hands and mine
There's a key called understanding
Fashioned from a rare design;
For this quiet understanding
That is passed from friend to friend
Is what makes a pleasant friendship
Keep blooming with no end.
There's another key most precious
That can open friendship's door;
It's called love and we must use it
Each day, more and more
For if we give ourselves all freely
Ever seeking for the best
Being blind to faults of others
Then true friendship's been expressed.
* hugs *
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Thanks for letting your family and friends here know what's going on, Brian...we have been thinking about you!
Probably nothing much we can say will nmake you feel better right now...but hang in there. A break-up is sort of like a death...after the time of mourning comes a time of renewal and new directions in life.
I really liked the poem you posted, by the way...very appropriate.
And ditto to what Timmy said.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Brian,
I've stared at this post for almost an hour knowing I wanted to reply but I couldn't and still can't think of the "right" thing to say. I came to the conclusion that there is no "right" thing to say but what I do have to say comes from the heart and that's what matters. I'm really sorry that everything between you and Simon is over. I don't know what you did, or who influenced your actions. Part of me wants to tell you not to give up hope but you seem very definite. I've always said put faith in your love. But I don't know what happened so I'm not sure if that applies or not.
You do deserve to be forgiven, we all do...it was you who tought me that. You forgave me when only God knows why you did, it was then that I decided you are like my guardian angel, with a heart of pure gold. You are the closest friend I have, sometimes I care about you and worry about you so much it hurts. This is one of those times.:'-(
Danielle
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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are you sure you should give up, brian? see, i don't know because i don't know the situation, or what led up to what, and caused what, but are you sure you shouldn't beg his forgiveness? are you sure you shouldn't try and fight for this?
someone once told me: the heart wants what the heart wants. like i said, i don't know what happened with you two, but i've read this post. if love and longing could seep from text, it would be in your post.
it is only "He" (or whatever deity one believes in) who can ultimately decide fates and futures, but WE have a hand in that too. i just think you should make very, very sure that this is what you really want to do. i say this because i am struck, in reading that poem, into thinking about jordan and danny, in smith's story ... that just because one walks away, or has to leave, or thinks that best, doesn't mean it's what they want.
and sometimes? the heart wants what the heart wants. and when that happens, it's real hard to ignore. if you think you have to, and that this is best ALL around, then of course, do what you will, and i pray you make it through the rain. i just know .. second chances and somedays and futures are hard things to come by. if not for finding this place, i'd have held no hope. and now i've got that chance, and i'm fighting for it.
fight for what you need to fight for, brian. and, if you can't, or don't think you should here (and like, i'm totally reaching blindly since for all i know... this really DOES have to be this way...) and now, and with him, then just .. know that i care? EVERYONE cares here, and we're all here for you...
h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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please dont close that door Brian,Love is worth fighting for.Always remember that one can love another for always.Make this happen..rob
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I believe we all have the capacity to love. Even to love more than one person in our lifetimes. Though it might be rare, do not give up hope.
You can always count on me to be there for you. Please keep that in mind.
May happiness find your soul,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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To whom this may concern: 
Hugs, Brian... 
Re: To whom this may concern: 
Re: To whom this may concern: 
