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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I need to explain my actions to you all. Many of you are unsure of what I am doing here in a few things. To make this post I may upset one or more peole. I ask you, if you are one of those upset, to contact me first by email rather than reacting harshly. You will be welcome after you have thought about my email reply to post it here.
It's late at night, and I'm tired, so I may not explain this as well as I want to. And words are sometimes inadequate, too.
First I want to explain the model of this place. How I see it.
We are, here, a hill. the bottom slopes are steep and the top slopes moregentle and rounded. People arrive here about half way up, sort of by magic. We know nothing about them and we accept them as they are, or as they show us.
Some people stay half way up for ages, going a little down, a little up. Others climb, and slip down some. Upwards is the individual journey we are all on, and downwards is really like John Bunyans' Slough of Despond. Other people find out that it is the wrong hill, stay for a while to check for sure, and leave quietly.
I love the hill. I mean really love it. I enjoy the company, and i love it as peole climb, as I climb. I flinch as any of use slip down some. I hate it if anyone falls to the foot of the hill. I try to help all who slip down to climb up. All. Without exceptions. Sometimes, rarely, the rope I throw slips out of my hands, or out of theirs, and they hit the bottom.
A little like the parable of the Prodigal Son I welcome back the faller despite seeing that they have squandered much. One heck of a parable, that, for the son who stayed was rightfully upset about the treatment of the prodigal fool.
It looked to me in that parable that the father was "playing the favourites game" with the kid who came back. It took a lot of thought to see that he was not.
So, when I welcome back someone like Rob whose behaviour was well out of line for a while, it looks as though I am playing the favourites game too. And the loyal stalwarts feel that their noses are put out of joint. I'm not. But it sure looks that way.
I am being true to my own rather stern principles. I have always said "Break my trust once and it is viewed as an accident. Do it twice and I view it as a deliberate act, which I do not forgive". I screwed up with Roib by banning him, and I set a false expectation for everyone else. So, for that I ask forgiveness. I should have said "That is the first strike. Second strike and you are out." Instead I acted precipitately and broke my own principles.
I think all of you will understand that I had to put that right. I own up to my error of judgement. But it affected a great deal on my beloved hill.
Now, I don't know if I've managed to explain myself over the reasons why our reformed friend remains welcome, and I hope I have upset no-one in explaining it.
There is a second issue. That of "not asking people to remain".
I never have, and I never will. You see those who go either do not need what they find here, or they need somewhere else. In either case it is wring to seek to ensure that they remain, the more so since it is "my" hill. Others may ask them to come back, but if I do it is seen as a "request from the owner" and they may remain almost against their will. That is a wrong reason for staying.
Thsoe who come and who stay should do so only for their reasons. Someone said to me earlier words to the effect of "those who stay need us more than those who leave."
I'm finding my eyes are starting to close. It's verylate here. I have no idea if I've managed to make what is in my head leave my fingers and reach your head. But I have tried very hard to do so.
At the very least I hope you can see the spirit behind the words, even if the words seem like gibberish
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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While I don't think I am one with the questions, but maybe I am.  I want you to understand as well a few things from me.
It would be ridiculous of be to say that I have more respect for you than I did before. Because my respect and admiration for you is just to high already. What you said reinforces that opinion.
I also understand the great burden this is on you sometimes. And if I was responsible for any of that I am truely sorry. I felt that I was an advocate for some I know that do not respond but are hurt or afraid.
As I said before, I am a free speech nut. hehe. I say live and let live even when we disagree. That is the definition of free speech to me.
I promise to try my best to adhere to your example. (Notice I didn't say rule) ::-)
Thank you for your compassion in this.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Timmy,
I know I just started to "climb the hill" but I felt I should speak up.
As I said in my first post, I started coming here because of the stories (great ones, by the way !).
After having read all of the ones available at the time, I came by your message board and decided to give it a try. At first, what captured my attention was that many authors from the stories I loved were present. I started reading the more "philosophical" threads and was amazed by the diversity of opinions and how interesting they were (they have helped me in more than one occasion). Soon I was reading the "lighter" ones as well, and when I realised, I was following every thread almost daily.
Well, enough babbling. My point is: even as an "outsider", it is very clear that you guys are a family and that YOU, Timmy, is the very heart of this place. So, I´d like to express my admiration for this caring and compassionate person that you are. Although I don´t know you personally, your actions speak for themselves.
Hoping to learn how to climb,
H.
PS: I apologise if this post didn´t make any sense. English is not my mother tongue and I struggled to express myself. (and realised that I can read english much better than I can write ! :-/ )
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timmy, your efforts here are boundless, and appreciated, and even then those words don't cut it. i've only climbed the hill just a little bit yet, but i feel like i've come a bit further than i could have, had i not been here.
all hills have loose stones and sand, but the most dedicated climbers will find a way around it, or a way to smooth it out for those who have yet to climb.
a fountain of useless metaphors,
h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It's odd. Usually I don't much care about replies. It's just that I was told loud and clear that this was important. So I tried very hard at an hour that was far too late. And I don't have the least idea if I mamaged to get from my brain into your brain what I mean.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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H. you are as welcome here as anyone else. English is not everyone's first language here, I understood your post just fine. Come in and join us, we may be able to lend you a hand in climbing the hill!
Danielle
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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A few others have said it recently but thank you for all that you have done and do for all of us! Words, like others have said, just don't seem to be enough to express the gratitude that is felt toward you. I personally feel that you shouldn't have to explain yourself to us, but I'm glad you did because for me it created understanding out of confusion. A good friend of mine told me that he's tired of 101 questions and having to explain himself to me, it isn't really that he needs to explain himself, it's just that I would rather understand than to question and be confused.
Thanks for everything TIMMY!!!
((((((Hugs to all))))))
Danielle
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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Email sent, Timmy, as requested
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Well Timmy you sure have my respect...Being a kind of father figure or mentor can be rough..Dealing with varying levels of maturity...We trust you,and thats important..The proof that you are doing the right thing is the success of this board..It dont take a rocket scientist to see that this is a home of sorts,trust and friendship a part of that home..rob
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Timmy ..... 
Re: I am being asked some questions. And the answers are hard 
