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they have weened me off thorazine because i've exhibited satisfactory behaviours. i start effexor today, which is an anti-anxiety, mild anti-depressant drug. it has scary ween-off effects--i know a person who went manic when she went off of it, however i know another girl who feels wonderful after a month of being on it.
i also will admit i'm excited weight-loss is a side-effect, but i kept that subdued before the doc.
school is okay, but more hectic as i started my fourth class (which only runs for three sessions, so the workload is intense) yesterday. i got 16 out of 20 points on my first story for CW, which is a C+ which makes me very, very upset. the points he docked are things, elements that i DID get in the story, but he couldn't "understand it." i thought creative writing was to be ... creative. so because i didn't write a cookie-cutter story arc that a fifth grader could follow, i got docked. oh well. i don't care about writing anymore. this class has ruined it for me.
i am about to go take my big 'hardest of the whole term' anatomy exam and i'm scared about that. i've studied all i can; some things stick, others don't. i need at least a B. i can't keep going below B's in any classes. it's ruining what little esteem i had.
but don't get me wrong. i've been feeling okay, eating mildly better ... albeit mostly "liquid food" and some yogurt or crunchy-fruits. the mindsets haven't left, and maybe never will, but .. i'm adapting. so i assume this is progress.
hope everyone's day is going good,
h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Thorazine scares me. Effexor is certainly more benign, but do talk to the doc about when and how to come off it at the same time as starting it. Not a thing you want to be on for life.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I'm sorry your stupid creative writing teacher seems to be a close-minded fool, that sucks.  Did he give you a C+ for that story you sent me? If so, that's a total outrage, it was weird and wonderful, and scary yet hopeful too and I loved it to bits.
Stupid man!
You see, not all about us males is something to envy you know!  Also, prostate cancer isn't fun at all, assuming it doesn't kill you you likely have a limp worm between your legs for the rest of your days (ugh, I do not enjoy the thought of that).
I am glad you are eating properly. Try bananas some day, slice one up really thin and gently mix it with buttermilk or unsweetened yoghurt so the slices don't break, that is waaay yummy! AND healthy, especially if you select some brand of buttermilk or yoghurt with extra-healthy lactic bacteria in it.
Of course I will keep you in my mind for your upcoming test(s), wishing for you to do well. You're so pretty AND smart, you can do it. *hugs*
Thanks for the reply to my dream post by the way, I loved it. I don't have these sort of dreams that often, the really vivid ones, but it's usually once or a few times per month. Wish I had wet dreams that often, but they're very rare for me. Actually, I wish I had someone sharing my bed with me, but hey, I'll take a dream with no complaints if nothing else's available!
I guess you're glad to be rid of the thorazine, and if you are then so am I. Take care. Don't let that stupid writing teacher keep your spirit down, you write really really well no matter what he thinks!
Again: take care, and many hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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i am *ecstatic* to be rid of the thorazine, oh yes. i mean, to even FEEL, let alone ecstatic, is very nice.
i love reading your dream posts, because when you're able to remember your vivid ones, you get them right down to every last detail, and it's like we can see them, as if we dreamed them ourselves. that always makes me smile...
and oh yeah! YES, it was that story i sent to you (and i think paul got it, kevin asked for it too). what happened was i had a line that "told" instead of "showed," and he wanted to know what the "things" were that caused me to do it. i stared at him like :-/ and then like  and i said: "uhm. the point and purpose of the story (of which he also said i had no PURPOSE in it?!) is not how or why i died, or the cause of death. if it was, i'd have included that, don't you think? the story is about the reprecussions of suicide and why one should never, ever opt for it. hence all the conflict being there, not prior to." and he's all, "OHHHHH, oh, i see." but still says i have to re-write it along with the rest of the class.
he also did not know what "method acting" (as in the method actress line) was. HIM. he who is a drama minor, english major, into creative writing, doesn't know the term 'method acting,' -- which is to pretend you're one thing you're not, etc. he said it was confusing. i was so blown away i just nodded like a mute and walked out.
so i have that one to redo, and then this one that is 7 pages i'm fixing up going off what it seems HE wants our styles to be (so the story is totally not "me" and i hate it, but i saved the original that IS me). then the rough draft for story #3 that is ALSO due next monday .. i'm doing that as flash fiction.
if you (or anyone) is interested in seeing it, i'll send, or even post! it's very short, less than 700 words. doesn't have all the elements just yet. it's hard to nail all the elements in flash fiction and make it still powerful. but it's an amusing little story. i read said draft aloud last night and when it hit the 'crisis' point everyone went, "GASP" and "WOAH-HO MY GOD?!?!" and i started to laugh while reading.
also timmy! yes, i'm hoping to NOT be on effexor forever. what has me curious is that if i one day get weened off of that, will my head/chemicals/whatever go back to causing me problems, or will they stay okay? this is why i never wanted to go on these meds in the first place, but i'd rather compromise with my mother and doctors than be sent away...
thanks for your hugs, and lenny thank you for your well wishes and luck! i took the BIGSCARY anatomy exam this afternoon, and i felt .. okay about it. i'll find out thursday! and i got 70 out of 70 points on last week's medical terminology exam ... take another one tomorrow night.
what's ironic to me is that the 'technical' classes--the anatomy, medical, asepsis--are the ones i was scared of taking, of failing; creative writing is what i took for fun and for relaxation and a good grade, and it's working out the OPPOSITE. CW is giving me a headache and i'll probably ruin my chances of making the Dean's List with that class alone. BAH!! 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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i wish you had someone to share your bed with, too. 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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My excuse is it's 3:45 AM and I have been up WAY too late playing a silly computer game. Well, it IS fun and all, so it's my fault really...
Anyway, just wanted to say the biggest happiest WHEEEEEE! ever on you acing the terminology exam! I am picking up some stuff from watching E.R. (marvellous show!) but it's not as if I'm TRYING to learn anything... I'm so happy for you and really really proud OF you.
I'd pick you up and spin you 'round if I could, and then you'd get a hug too and a smooch if you want one.
You're really impressing me. Take care, keep it up, but don't wear yourself out okies?
And, irony sucks. Especially when you do badly at something you actually are good at. Tell the dean your teacher sucks and you deserve to be on that list anyway ;-D (whatever it may be, is it something about students who excel at their work? Our schools don't have stuff like that so I don't know.)
Manymany warm cuddly hugs...
Have to go sleep now. Sorry.
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Hi pretty girl! 
