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I haven't broken anything in a while. Not since I nearly screwed up my hand by slamming it into my flatscreen almost a year ago.
I guess I tried to kill my gamecube the other day, but it refused to break, the darned thing. I just got so mad at that friggin cheating boss in Zelda, I won't play that game anymore so I won't lose my mind and toss my cube into a wall or something because that would surely do it in. Don't wanna try so hard...
Someone very dear to me asked how I'm doing.
Well, I *was* doing kinda OK, until I found out just a few hours ago my adoptive father went to Stockholm himself to attend the wake of his sister without even telling me he was going.
It's like I'm not a part of his family at all. We lived on the other side of the country compared to most everybody else all my life. First in the north-south direction, and then the east-west direction. I never got to know any of them, and I have step-cousins that are pretty much my own age. We could have been friends!
How can he do this to me? Maybe I didn't want to go, but he could at least have ASKED?! Is he embarrassed of me or something?
It's always THEM doing stuff these days on their own, usually without telling me about it, I didn't know they were going away for his birthday either until a few days before, and then I had to beg them to stop by on the way south. For fuck's sake, they even passed through here to get to their damn health spa, was it TOO much to ask for that they'd get the idea on their own??????
They've been to the canaries and to Italy and France and Spain too on their own. When we went abroad in the past we always went together. Now I just sit here by myself...
I thought I had convinced myself I don't care about them, I tell myself I hate them and wish they were DEAD so I could inherit them and bury them and all the shitty memories I carry around on because of them along with them, but now I feel like crying.
How can he DO this to me?! He KNOWS I haven't seen the rest of my so-called family more than twice in the last decade!
To put it mildly, this SUCKS.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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People can be so cruel sometimes...
Maybe they're just not worthy of your company.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Did it ever occur to you to go to the wake on your own?
Since when does a person need an invitation to show that he cares?
Lenny, some times when people greive that just don't think straight. Call and send your condolences as is appropriate to you.
As for taking trips.... That happens.... Hell, did you invits them when you went to London a few months ago?
And, your talk about convincing yourself that you dont care about them, wish they were dead is just bull.... any dope can see that you do indeed care a great deal about them.
You don't need to stress you over these things.
Go out for a nice walk and tell us all about it. You will feel better after.
and so will we....
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to very, very much lesser extents, i can understand how you're feeling, concerning your dad, and being left to waysides more than you should.
given that post i made a couple or few weeks back about not being told my father got engaged, while my brother, hometown-hero, was the first to know, well yeah. that's a much more mild case, but it stung enough that i can feel where you're coming from.
don't break anything though, okay? it's not your stuff's fault.  :-*
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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About twice as much as I can afford, that's what! I *have* to be invited.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You both love and loathe your parenst at the same time. So what keeps you so far apart? Geographically?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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On the other hand, perhaps they see you the same way I do.
I won't say the words, but I am sure you know what I mean.
And if you can afford to trip over to england why can't you afford a lousy train ticket?
Looks to me like a set of priorities gone awry.
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If it isn't suitable for the board, email me.
I don't much like when people talk in riddles, especially with the general tone you do. I much prefer when people SAY that which I am supposedly already to know.
You don't know me, or at least I don't think you do since you're hiding behind an alias, so I don't see where you're coming from when you attack me like this in my own thread which I created because I am already feeling bad enough as it is. So, thank you whomever the hell you are, for making a lousy day even worse.
FYI; my parents GAVE me the trip to England, in part as penance for fucking up my childhood, so don't you go speak about 'priorities gone awry' because you're obviously assuming way too much!
More FYI; even if I *could* afford the "lousy" train ticket (which round trip would cost MORE than the plane ticket from here to the UK did) - by re-prioritizing, living on bread and water, prostituting myself or whatever - I'd have no idea the ceremony was going to take place tomorrow because NOBODY TOLD ME UNTIL TODAY, WHEN IT IS ALREADY TOO LATE!
Again you assume too much! How am I supposed to invite myself to something I don't know when it's taking place??? Don't jump the gun and say I could have asked, because I *DID* ask.
If you got anything else to say I don't think I want to hear it.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Well, you asked for it.
You tend to be rather self centered. Not to mention excessivly whinney.
If your so called parents think so little about you, perhaps it due to these traits.
If you felt such a need to be there you could have sold your precious game cube or the television or if that wasn't enough you could sell your computer.
You see, there are priorities, you made your choices you will have to live with them.
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A believer in the 'harsh truths' way of schooling, maybe? ::-) You readily attack me now (for no apparent reason), when only a week or so ago you were stirring up heavens and earth to try and take another thread of mine off the board. I have some trouble trying to fit those two positions together. You don't think outright flaming sorts under the 'it does not belong here' category, hm? (Rethorical question, don't answer.)
Considering you have no real past on the board to speak of, I wonder how you seem to "know" me to such an intimate level. I can't help wondering what your problem is, why you are hassling me like this. Who are you anyway? To my knowledge, I haven't done you anything and you call me self centered and 'excessivly whinney'? Jesus, sorry for existing! (I really mean that by the way.)
As for your presumptious attitude I could have sold off my possessions to pay for the trip, that's quite insulting. Didn't you see I already told you I wasn't informed of the ceremony taking place? There wouldn't have been time to even do something stupid like that. At least read what you're replying to, that's the least one could ask of you even if you won't be particulary supportive, nor even polite for that matter.
I'd prefer if you don't pollute this thread with any further obnoxious bile, I have no wish to quarrel with you. I ask that you respect my wish I already expressed in my previous post to take up your issues (whichever they may be) via email if you are man enough to do so, or preferably, stay quiet altogether and out of my hair from now til the end of time.
If you persist in replying and thus further ruining my experience here, I will be forced to ask Timmy to delete your post(s) as I didn't create this thread to be pissed on and hear what a worthless person I am. I have enough of that already as it is!
Thanks for giving me a sour stomach on top of everything else. It's been a delightful experience knowing you, it really has. :-/
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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First, there is no such thing as a rhetorical question.
Secondly, It was not an attack of any sort. I was answering your queston.
As for my presumptousness. Are you real? For christ's sake you posted of her death more then a month ago. Did you not expect them to plant the woman?
If you had an iota of freaking ambition you could have gotten off your arse and walked there.
I never E-mail. It's just that simple. As for your hair, or any other part of you. Not with a ten foot pole.
As for worth. That is a thing earnd. I expect you shall never know of it's value.
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I just finished talking to Kevin. He asked me to post this following message:
"I hear you're fighting again, I can't tell you how disappointed I am. If you have any feelings for anyone, you POS, just stop. I hope I find a safe place when I return. Signed: A very frustrated Kevin."
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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Consider the source, my friend. He really is proving himself nobody special by the tone of his posts. He seems to value bluntness, and you tried being blunt in return.
But sour grapes from an anonymous poster, even if we all might have guessed who he is, aren't worth getting a sour stomach over. Don't give what's-his-name another thought.
Now it seems time to ignore him, and maybe he'll go away, just like others have been encouraged to do.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Steve
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Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
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I agree with David. We all love you. It's not worth it. Let the thread drop. Sometimes true wisdom is to know when to remain silent. Hugs.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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My first post in thes thread was from the heart. Posted with no other reason than to try and make lenny feel a little better.
But as always lenny chose to go straight to the defensive. thusly becoming snide.
Look to the source.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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And a message for you.
I am sure I live for Kevin's approval.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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This is one person's opinion and another person's opinion, solidly expressed. But it isn't helping because it's too public and too directly expressed. I'm not commenting on the observations made, simply on the mechanism.
When we get to this stage in a very personal area it really should be behind the scenes.
Behind the scenes it matters not who is right and who is wrong, because no-one is exposed to another person's opinion of themselves in public forum. That way an opinion can be considered and either accepted or rejected.
Please would you both take this behind the scenes. There is something to learn from even an opinion you disagree with vehemently. Even if it is wrfong you can learn why the peosn held that view. Unless you fight, when all learning goes out of the window.
The others in this thread? Please cease from personal attacks on anyone. They are unhelpful, and distract from the issue here. The issue is simply the worng mode of expression.
Note again that I am making no comment of any description on the content of the opinion expressed to Lenny. It is not my place to do so. Or if I do, not in public.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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No david, I will not go away.
I will always be right where I am.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Let's assume that your perception abot Lenny is correct. If so, then he has a right to hear it, but from that point ion, in private.
Let's assume your perception is incorrect. If so he has a right to hear and seek to correct it. But if expressed in public he is forced to correct it in public, hence a debacle ensues.
There is a point when person to person advice has to go offline. If you are correct in your perception then it is hard for the recipient to agree in public, because your perception is surgical. This turns what should be a win-win into a win-lose, wiythout either party gaining any benefit from it, and with losses on each side.
Human interaction is not always best done in public.
Again I am making no comment of any description about the content. Simply about the mode of expression. And while my reply is to this post it might equally be to Lenny's. The issue, I think, is that you have no obvious alternate means of communication save public forum. Perhaps a hotmail or yahoo or other email account could be created? Then this could be handled offline?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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You have any idea what a train ticket costs? 
That's some nerve coming from a nobody. 
