|
|
|
|
-- also known as the Aggressive House Spider! installment 1!
first, i will enlighten you all with the BEAST living in the corner of my bathroom, which i have discovered this morning. then, i'm going to make you all laugh .. or else think i'm a wus. either or, i have to balance my lame drama's with something funny!
the agressive house spider (hobo spider): http://hobospider.org/
(please note his little BOXING GLOVE-LIKE things, thanks. these will come up momentarily. there will be a quiz.)
so i am in the shower about a half hour ago. just minding my own. usually when the shampooing ritual comes up, my face is toward the ceiling, however my eyes are closed. it's relaxing, you know?! anyways, for some reason i open them, and i had already BEEN in the shower for like 10 minutes, doing the moisterising rituals and washing my face, etc.
and THERE HE IS. i dare say, if i didn't know any better, it's the same beast from LAST SUMMER/FALL who haunted the bathroom until i managed to catch the thing. normally i am a spider killer without remorse, except these are big and i don't want to deal with the post-mortem death goo.
so it's just hanging there, and it's almost like RIGHT when i notice the thing, he decides to move. but oh! not JUST move ... he POSTURES. these things POSTURE. he crept down the wall (meanwhile i'm frozen with a head full of shampoo), he perches on the spot where the wall meets the shower-tile things (it's like a little ledge), and then he POSTURES.
what i mean by THAT is that he LIFTS HIS FRONT LEGS AT ME, he WIGGLES THEM IN A "COME ON LETS GO, PUNK!" kind of manner, and therefore his LITTLE BOXING GLOVES ARE TOTALLY ON DISPLAY. and i was like, "I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT???" and then shiloh, in the living room, says, "i'm not doing anything!!!" which i'd have laughed at if i wasn't currently wondering HOW i am going to finish rinsing and i still had to SHAVE.
of course, the spot where i have to leg perch TO shave, is RIGHT UNDER this tile corner that hobo-spider has claimed as his.
so it goes on like this: every move i make, he makes two: left-left, right-right, wave-front-legs, repeat (it's their fighting dance type .. thing). i don't know how i even managed TO shave, considering i never ONCE watched wtf i was doing.
so then it's time to get out, and i have to shake the water off the curtain and all of that, which ... causes not only a little breeze backward, but ALSO scatters water droplets.
he did NOT like that. he came creeping down the tiles, which were wet, then FELL RIGHT BY MY FEET. i jumped SO fast and like cleared the edge of the tub with a foot to spare. none too soon, he manages his way back up this one corner of the tub, and is currently resting in the corner of the tub-against-wall edge, probably until the walls dry and he can CLAIM HIS THRONE.
stay tuned for part two. 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ugh! Erlack! Ick!
Nothing like a spider to cause a dance. Ugh
Now I remember the feeling of crushing a milipede under my shoe. Ugh.
Bug bus and post mortom... Ugh
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You can't become a guy if you let a lil spider - hobo or not - scare you like that! ;-D Sorry, but it's true...
Anyway, hehehee, I don't think I've laughed this much in ages! This was a most magnificient post, and I applaud you!
Hehehee, wow... Darn it, my stomach hurts! 
Huuuggss:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
...don't listen to Lenny, you can... "strongly dislike" spiders and be a guy  I would've been out of that shower in like a fraction of a second, shampoo or not. And PLEASE tell me that the pics on the site aren't natural size? not the ones on the frontpage, but the ones of a male one and female one you get links to if you scroll down the page a bit.... *looks around his room warily*
Setras, who doesn't like spiders. At all.
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Then I thought, maybe that would be mean.
You see, I too ran from a spider once. Me and an old classmate crept in under the stairs up to the front door of my parents' house, don't remember why, we just did. We found a big-ass ol' spider mama under there that was like an inch and a half from leg to leg! Well, that's what it seemed like to us anyway, I yelled, and HE yelled, and I tossed sand at it (coz there was sand on the ground there under the stairs) and we WOOSHED outta there like the wind, the spider nipping at our heels like some giant She-Lob out of a Tolkien novel. Well, that's what we imagined anyway.
However, you know what the difference was between you and me?
We were TWELVE...YEARS...OLD!
So I guess I do say, "thank you for proving my point". ;-D
...No, really. I don't expect it's because you're blonde you don't like spiders...  I'm just kidding, heh heh.
Hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
LENNY!!! did you not go look at the picture on that link?! okay granted, they've zoomed in on it, but i believe their size is like, an inch to two inches including leg span ... i don't know!! BUT IT'S NOT LITTLE, I ASSURE YOU!!!
glad you had a laugh! and an update -- he is back up on the tile-perch place. if he goes back up in the web i can catch him and take him outside. i'd do him down the drain, but i'd be paranoid he'd come back up. i mean we've all seen the movie arachnophobia, right? and i HAVE that phobia, clinically. i should post the story of how THAT happened, one day. THAT was a tangle with a WOLF SPIDER at age 8. i assure you, if you thought this was funny, you will split your sides at THAT one.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i'll go back and look at the male/female links really quick. the front page is zoomed, yes, but i think the other ones are actual size. they are NOT your average-sized spider. if it was just some cellar spider (those thin legged ones that'll do webs up in the corners of ceilings) it'd be different.
or so i say now. hehehehe! i'm glad to know i'm not the ONLY one!
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i am not blonde!!! uh. at least not right now. ahem! secondly .... okay no, there are NOT WORDS about the 12-years-old comment!
you are lucky i'm fond of you! *giggles* :-*
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
okay no, they're still zoomed on the male/female pages. it's my understanding they can get UP TO 2 inches in leg-span length. but most are not that big.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
hey H. was that part 2??? And what's the other story I could use a few more laughs...kinda sounds like one of my friends and his fear of snakes...his mom has the same fear of spiders as you do but hers sounds worse....she wouldn't be able to even get the spider out of the house. hehehehe. YOu are so not the only one with that fear. I don't like spiders but I don't freak....Earwigs on the otherhand OMG....bad experience has led to an incredible fear of a virtually harmless bug hehehe!!!!!!
BTW how big IS your LITTLE Friend???
HUGS
Danielle
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
before our cabin was built on our property up north, we just had this tiny metal trailer thing. where like the kitchen table can fold into a bed SLIGHTLY bigger than a single, and then on the opposite end there is a couch thing that can extend one extra foot to be a bed, and then a bunk that is about a foot and a half from the ceiling.
so it always went that my brother got the top bunk and i always had to sleep on the bottom. no matter how big of a fight i put up, i always lost, because i was 'too little' to climb up there (to get on the top bunk, you have to sorta put one foot on the bottom couch-thing, then the other onto the itty bitty STOVE, then hoist up the rest of the way). well, this time i put up like the mother of all tantrums, and FINALLY, after 2 years of going up there almost every weekend, i got to sleep on the top bunk, my brother on the bottom.
so we go to bed that night. la di da! and i woke up in the middle of the night having to go to the bathroom. so, i get my flashlight that was under my sleeping bag pillow, and prepare to climb down.
except there is this huge WOLF SPIDER ON THE CEILING OF THE TRAILER. which, when lying on your back, it's about a FOOT AWAY. it was RIGHT OVER MY HEAD and just a bit to the right. which means, were i to turn over to climb out, it'd get me.
everytime i breathed out, the thing would move or twitch, or raise it's legs (SEE? SPIDER POSTURING AGAIN!!). and i am like 8 years old. and i fully admit that throughout the course of the FORTY MINUTES it took to finally get SOMEONE to wake up (getting there), i peed myself.
i wound up letting my arm dangle down, and kept waving the flashlight out over the trailer space, so it'd keep flashing on my parent's faces. i was too terrified to scream or whisper to get someone to wake up. so after that forty minutes, my dad wakes up ... who also hates spiders, and is like, "i have no idea how to get this without it falling on you."
so basically, i'm close to petrified wood at that point, and after another TWENTY FIVE MINUTES my dad finally got it into a jar.
i was catatonic for most of the next day. i didn't leave the bunk until it was time to pack up and leave, and even then my dad had to physically get me down. it's only been the past few years i've been able to be around, or see "normal spiders" or smaller ones (like the wood spiders we get that drape all over our bushes and house eves from across the street) without completely going ballistic, or eles catatonic.
so there you go!!
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
aww that soo sucks
*hugs*
Danielle
my "fear" of earwigs comes from almost swallowing one....that so sucked!
I had taken a little hugs juicer to bed (the ones with the foil top) well I woke up and took a drink. I felt something wierd in my mouth and I thought it was a piece of foil, well when I got it out of my mouth it was one of those damn earwigs and I freak out every time I see them since that happened!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ugh.
I would have run out. Heathyr is a LOT braver than I am.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
it's nice that SOMEONE thinks so!
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
Heathyr, dear... 
Actually... 
little?!?!??! 
