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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I just got back from Wyoming; flew out there for a week with my parents (a family thing) and I went in the big magazine shop in the airport. Please tell me you've done this. I walked around looking at all the magazines and books and stuff and there was a whole section of gay magazines. I had this overwhelming thing where I thought if I didn't buy one of them, I would die. I moved over to the "big truck" section and watched men's faces as they tried so hard NOT to look at that section. You could just tell they wanted to reach down and grab one of those magazines.
Now most of you know that my parents don't know I'm a "happy" kid, so this was a major move on my part but I HAD to have a magazine...just HAD to. It was like I would find answers in it or something; like someone made a magazine just for me.
Anyway, dang if I didn't buy 3. It was like sometimes you've just gotta say what the hell and move. I was so scared that sirens were gonna go off and the cashier was gonna turn me over to the police or worse yet, my Mama but he couldn't have cared less. Cool magazines: Attitudes, Out and Details. Not yuck stuff, cool articles. One told me some new books to order.
No hahaha, I didn't read them on the plane but they burned a hole in my duffel til I could.
The snow was great, the trip was fun and isn't it doofus that the best part was buying 3 magazines?
Glad to be home ~ missed you guys
smith
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and, like emmett told george, sometimes you gotta just say, "fuck 'em all." glad you bought the magazines. 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Just don't leave them in the magazine rack near the john. LOL
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Welcome back smith, >>>>>>.
People are so strange sometimes. LOL. They just don't always accept themselves, but that doesn't mean you can't.
Good find with those magazines, 
I remember that feeling. Enjoy them,
>>
- Not Guilty
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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It's great that you had a good time, and the magazines being the best of it isn't any doofus. I'm glad it went well, and congrats, since I know it's a big step for you
hugs,
Setras
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Haha - just kidding.
Did you get as much buzz out of reading the magazines as you did from buying them?
Glad you had a fun trip and good to see you back.
Nick
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Welcome back smith. I really missed you.
I remember buying my first one, I was shaking like a leaf. But once I got it home it was like a world I didn't know about before.
Much love to you,
Kevin
:-* :-* :-*
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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First and foremost: welcome home! It's so terrific to see you back safe and sound! You were sorely missed. And further, it's so wonderful that that this trip ended up being something of a defining one for you.
I must disagree with you, though; what you did wasn't weird at all. I think we all have a similar experience somewhere along the line. It's not unlike a str8 boy your age wanting to buy a copy of "Playboy" or "Penthouse". What is most revealing (although not surprising) in your case is that you seem to have endeavored to bypass the "porn" and seek out something more meaningful.
As I read your account, I also couldn't help but think about how the situation resembled that scene in just about every teen comedy film were the boy goes into a store to buy a box of condoms, and thinks everybody is staring at him disapprovingly (much to the delight of the audience). Yet another example at how screwed up society is: that boy should be applauded for wanting to be responsible and safe (and be made to feel as comfortable as possible in so doing), and yet he's held up as an object of scorn and ridicule. In a way you resembled that boy; you wanted to learn more about people like you (not to mention yourself), and were trying as best as the situation allowed to be as responsible and safe about it as you could.
There was (and, it seems, still is) a magazine called XY (http://www.xy.com) aimed primarily at a younger gay audience. The magazine has been panned (unjustly, I think) for being too "porny"; but while it does contain quite a fair amount of "eye candy" (most of it in full color), it also contains much that is useful and positive for its target audience. It certainly helps provide an alternative (a meaningful one, to boot) to the many "str8" teen magazines out there.
Anyway, I hope you can still continue to broaden your horizons even more (a process which began for you long before you found yourself in that airport magazine shop). I continue to hope for the day when people like you can do so freely and openly because any fear of repercussion would be totally unfounded.
Again, welcome home, smith!
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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smith
glad to see you are back and had a good time. i remember when i did the same thing. i kept walking past the magazine rack trying to get up the nerve to actually buy the darn thing. think it took me three trips to the store before i finally bought it. kept it under my mattress for the longest time. glad you were able to do it on the first try.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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No Message Body
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Good to hear that you're back safely. And that you didn't get arrested and executed for buying gay mags. ;-D Glad you got ones that are helpful. Back when I was your age I got hold of a Penthouse and a book of stories about anal sex (mostly straight, but a couple gay ones that were my favs). I hid them under my matress. Not a good hiding place. My mom decided to wash my sheets one day (I usually took them off the bed but hadn't). She found the mags. I don't recall exactly what was said, but it was just awful. Find a better hiding place for them. :-/
Think good thoughts,
e
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Yes... I know that feeling.
I have some gay stuff hidden in my room too, something that is my own.
Something that is part of me, something I can know is there, but no one else does.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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I don't think there isn't one of us that hasn't had to hide things about ourselves at one point in the past, smith. It's pretty much a common and shared experience. And it's often more about protection than privacy. Although I have to admit, you seem to have several strategies in place to deal with more casual detection, LOL. Sometimes that's a good thing, though. Keeps the mind sharp. I'd almost say you were a Scorpio with how secretive you are. ;-D 
And I am kinda envious of you getting up into snow country. It's been two years since I've seen real snow, up close, and I miss it terribly. So much so that when it became necessary to replace the old crystal I wear all the time (I lost it, go figure) I chose one that is snowflake shaped. Just goes to show that you can take the boy out of the north, but you can't get the ice out of his veins, hehhehe.
Welcome back, Buddy. We're all that much richer with you about.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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Only if we're really lucky, fellow water sign. Salt air makes snow less likely.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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*Hugs smith* I missed you!!! Welcome home I'm glad you enjoyed your magazines.. Next time shre them with me lol. Talk to you laters
Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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....i had a friend tell me ... the exact same thing. not chameleon, but that i was just like my sign (pisces...); i was water, i was always changing and moving, and never staying quite long enough to touch or be touched, fully, but long enough to leave something on everyone's skin they can't forget.
which was both flattering and extremely sad, and true.
i'd send you some of the snow we got yesterday, and will get this weekend, if i could! unfortunately it'd melt in an envelope, hmmmm.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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Yeah, that's what I think I was trying to say (rather lamely, I guess), that it is indeed so sad that we are forced to be so circumspect about the very things the rest of society get to do completely out in the open. As you say, str8 people can buy "Cosmopolitan" or pick up the Ambercrombie and Fitch catalogue without giving it so much as a second thought; but for those of us who are not "out" to those who matter in our lives (or even to people in general), to actually buy magazines like "Out" or "Details" requires furtive glances over our shoulders and a place to keep them locked away from prying eyes.
I must confess that I laughed out loud that you have copies of "Playboy" under your bed to keep your parents off-balance. Just as you are definitely not the only one to have a cedar chest (of one form or another),it would seem your parents are not unlike millions of others around the world in that they would feel relieved that the magazine they find under their son's bed was indeed "Playboy" and not "Playgirl". Yet more societal hypocrisy; so, more's the pity to them.
I still look forward to the day when we can have a big cedar chest bonfire (after having safely removed all the contents, of course!).
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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Okay, I did the weirdest thing..... 
welcome back. 
We've been looking for you! 
I have a cedar chest behind me here where I put all my "gay" stuff: books like Tales of the City, Rainbow Boys...and magazines, DVDs, my spiral notebooks with my story that I write and all my short stories. I have my CD player on it and it's a pain in the butt having to move everything. 
