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*takes a deep breath*
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
I've got a date. With a guy. With a cute guy. With a cute guy who's nice. I'm so dead.
And just to make things worse, I asked him out. So I need a bit of help:
1. I asked him out so do I decide what we'll do? Or do I suggest something and see what he thinks? Or do I let him pick?
2. Is a dinner at a restaurant too fancy? A movie and fast food too casual? What else is there?
3. Do I pay? I don't want to offend him, but that goes both ways...
4. Is there some "date stuff" I need to do? Hold his hand?
Setras, just realising how utterly clueless he is.
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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I would suggest something ad see what he thinks.
I would offer to pay but not necessarily insist.
Do you guys have like diners? you know real causal restaraunt but not fast food places. I would gotheir they my favorite.
Um I wouldnt hold hand cuz Id be to nervous maybe kiss him afterwards though if it feels right?
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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I have no great experience, but I'd suggest working out something together regarding what to do, where to go, what to eat etc.
Offering to pay, well, I dunno about that. On one hand it is the...um...noughties? We're supposed to be equal, all people and all sexes. On the other hand it means you mean business if you pick up the tab yourself. You have to fly by the seat of your pants on this one I guess.
Holding hands is definitely a suggestion I would like to make, if you get the chance! 
And one final OMG from me for you.  It was so awesome to sit there and see it transpiring in real time. It was so cool to see. :):)
{{{nice hugs for you}}}
I wish you all the best on your big day.
-L!
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Cool! Good for you. I hope you enjoy each other's company in spite of your doubts.
You asked him out so you should offer to pay. You don't have to insist, however. Back when I was dating, I offered to pay, if my date wanted to split the tab for dinner, I'd suggest that she could get the movie instead if she wanted. If she still wanted to pay for her dinner, I'd accept. That way I didn't insult her or seem too pushy. As for what to do? Again, you asked him out. Suggest something and see what he thinks. Don't be disappointed if he'd rather do something else. Discuss it and find something mutually agreeable. I always held her hand if she offered it, but since this is a gay date, you may not want to be so open (he might not either). I usually expected a goodnight kiss, but always was quite nervous about it. I always found it impossible to tell if she wanted one unless she simply offered one (usually not with words).
You may notice that I refer to my dates as "she." Until recently I was not on good terms with my gay side. I never actually went on a "date" with another guy. Now that I'm ready to accept it, it's too late. I'm married. Maybe I'll have better luck next life. 
{{HUGS}}
Think good thoughts,
e
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Having never been on a date with a boy and so jealous at this moment I could chew nails...........
Hmmmm, if someone called and asked me on a date, first I would totally spaze and then when he suggested just about anything, I'd say yesssss! "Hey smith, wanna go watch the wild hogs root up the grass on the side of the highway?" Lord Yes !!
Would I want him to pay? God, I'd pay him I want to go out on a date so bad.
Hold my hand? In the movies, under the table.......Oh heck.....touch my arm and I'd prolly faint.
This is my subtle frustration showing itself ::-)
I am SO excited for you. Call him, suggest dinner or the movies and do what he chooses. Reach for the bill and then do whatever's comfortable, hold his hand if he does that hand brushing thing but prolly not. Just have a good time and don't worry about anything except getting to know each other. **Words from me who cannot wait to do this too**
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Great news, and soooo glad to hear it! Yaaayyyy!
And yup, this is definately the wanting to tell the whole world part...one of the nicest parts, so it's neat to be able to do it here.
I agree with all the advice already given, by the way...except for my lack of relevant cultural experience where you are...in Thailand, the older or status superior always pays for everything...so you'd have to compare ages and birthdays...hehe Thank goodness you're not in Asia!
When is this big date???
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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First,
CHILL OUT.... It's only a date.
If you asked him out then you should be ready to pay. Although he might ask to pay his share, in which case it is ok to agree.
What to do..... Hmmmmm... A fancy resturaunt is nice but a bit pretentious for a first date.
Fast food however might be construded as cheap..... So look for something romantic, yet midranged reguarding ambiance and price.
From experience, I always opted for Chinese or Indian... Exotic yet reasonable priced.... and always an exparience. (they also have vast menues that allow each to choose thier favorites) which gives the rather romantic opening to sample each others choices.
As for entertainment afterward, a movie is always a good place for holding hands. However don't choose something that is hack and slash. they are too distracting from what is important... ergo HIM....
I've always believed the choice of a cologne is important as well. Choose one that has a clean scent, not too strong or flowery.
choose a button down shirt... not a tee or sweater.... the reasons for that are rather obvious. And don't wear any rings that might accidently snag your friends clothing.
Most important, remember to play safe and be yourself. That is always the best plan to follow.
I hope I was of some help.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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First, Thanks to everyone for advice!
smith, I'd be more than happy to go watch wild hogs root up the grass on the side of the highway too, would give something to watch and we could just sit there and talk and hold hands. Add a sunset and it'd be perfect
David, actually, the age-thing would give a clear set of rules to follow, and since I know I'm 2 years older than him, it'd be no problem on my part
And Marc, yes, you've been a lot of help, just like everyone else. I know it's just a date, but... It's my first one and I want it to work out.
Now, for the update part. I'm starting to think and me and him both are more or less hopeless, though in a kinda cute way. I just got off the phone with him, and we managed to set the day for Monday, 8.11. Don't know what we'll do, since I sort of suggested going out to eat, and he said said "ok, sure", sounding a bit like... I dunno. So I just had to go and add "Or is there something else you'd rather do?" and he replied with "Well, we still have time to decide that later, don't we?" So I just said, "Sure, we can talk about it on Thursday (the next club meeting) or call or something." After which we said bye.
I just dunno, both times I've called him and brought up going out with him, he's gotten kinda quiet. Not quiet as in not talking or the volume of his voice, but sort of a quiet tone of voice, you know? The first time I just told myself it was the connection, since he was on a bus and the connection was kinda bad, but it happened again today. I keep telling myself that it's just him being shy (which it hopefully is) or nervous, but... What if he's having second thoughts? Also, I think I'm making a mess of it all, being too carefull not to mess it up, and kinda... I dunno, not really deciding anything. But atleast we got the day set, and he's still going out with me (or says so), so I'm prolly just worrying over nothing, right?
Setras, who at this rate is gonna be gray haired/hairless in about 2 weeks.
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I think you perhaps hit on something about him being shy.... It might be his first date as well.... Or it could be that past dates turned up to be disasterous.
There is one thing about dating to think about....
You can spend hours making reservations and all sorts of plans.... Or you can just hook up and go somewhere with no set schedual or itinerary.
The first plan gives you a direction to head in but it also gives the opportunity for the "plans" to go wrong.... which leads to disappiontment.
The second plan has no plan.... as long as you both agree to do what you do nothing can go wrong because there is no set expectations of success.
I always called these dates mystery tours.... Just pick a direction and go.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Nobody can ask for more. If you two work, okay, good. If not, you tried and gained experience for next time. No shame in that, and though it is disheartening at first perhaps, shouldn't be anything that keeps you down forever either.
Just do your best, hope for the best, don't be over-eager if you fear he is reluctant or shy. Just be you, be nice and a good pal. I know from personal experience you are both. Show interest, without going overboard.
I know you like to fret about things (well, maybe not LIKE, hehe), but just keep your cool and you'll do fine. No matter how it turns out, you'll do fine, I know you will, coz you're a great guy.
*Hugs!*
Your friend, always:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Stop thinking, planning and worrying, it's more effort than it's worth, I love to do stuff at random, it allows for you to better accomodate for how you feel at a certain time, planning stuff means that you have to do it, even if you change your mind and don't feel like it so much. Just give him a rough idea of things and try to have fun at the time. Stop trying to impress him, just be yourself and if that isn't good enough for him then it is his problem. Personally, people trying too hard to impress comes across as a little bit annoying at times, he might be different, but I'd prefer someone that can impress without trying ;-D
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Um... HELP!?!?!?!?! 
Re: Um... HELP!?!?!?!?! 
An Update 
