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she was supposed to run me through all these $)%(*$)# terms last night, but instead she opted to go out on a date with a guy she doesn't even LIKE dating.
she doesn't get home until like, five minutes ago. she took medical terminology way back when and is the only one who can help me make sense of two units thrown at us at the same time (let alone the final), that are very identical but mean bi-polar opposite things.
so i ask her for help, again. i haven't BEEN TO BED YET since yesterday. she says, "later." and GOES TO SLEEP. goes to sleep. must be real $)*$)%* $# nice to GO TO SLEEP. stupid bitch.
so i am supposed to take shiloh to this play this evening with my friend chelsea, but i just got off the phone with chelsea, sobbing my eyes out, and she's just going to take shi to the play and let me sleep. except i won't be sleeping, oh no. i'll be trudging through all this crap i need done by wednesday. i haven't even GOTTEN to study the notes i handwrote off our study guide for anatomy final, haven't picked what i'm going to do and how for my presentation on monday night.
i forget why i'm doing this, when all i see now are mottled colors and texts not making sense, when i have to injest caffeine up my nose because my stomach can't handle it anymore, just to stay awake another hour for three more pages. out of 160 total that needs to be done for 2 units. i forget why i didn't just stay working as a gas station attendant. at least i got tips to counter the bad days, and at least i was doing something other than freaking out and ruining my body and screaming and crying because i'm just so tired and i can't sleep.
sorry.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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I sit here and do nothing, when I could have helped you study instead, god, that's so dumb. Why did this planet have to be so blasted big anyway???
If it was more the size of, say, a really really big blimp, so you had walking distance to everybody else in the human race, wouldn't that be a much better idea? Of course, there would only be room for all the NICE people. All the bullies and boneheads would be given a one-way ticket to Venus, which even with this much smaller scale would still be quite a trip.
See? It's what I've been saying all along, I could do SO much better a job than whomever's in charge of this mess! 
Heathyr - calm down. You're so smart, so intelligent! You CAN do this. I'm totally in awe of you... All you have to do is take a step back and a few hours of sleep. Okay, maybe you'll miss a few percent on your final score, but how are you going to learn anything anyway if your brain's on the verge of melting and you can't see through all the tears? Your mind needs rest, we both know that. You'll feel better overall, and you'll remember better. 
*hugs you softly*
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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and thanks for answering, too.
but really you couldn't have helped me study, hehe. the time it'd take to say, type up all my notes for you, to therefore ask me (and no i wouldn't cheat and have my notes in front of me, because i neeeeeeed to be orally quizzed so i can make sure it's sticking when it's NOT in front of me), i could just be studying .. more.
i swear and promise i'll be not manic once finals are over. i have a 98.7 in med. term, and i know i did awful on the abbreviation test, but she's letting us retake it this coming wed. if we want. which means .. i'll be taking that + the 18 page final, but i have to/want to make dean's list. so that maybe that on my transcripts will make people not notice that i haven't worked the past 4 years (crohn's getting stabilised). bleh.
hugs back to you, sweetie.
h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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I bet there's SOMETHING that I could do! Make you a cup of tea, massage your tired shoulders... 
Take care.
Be good. 
HUGS!
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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