|
|
|
|
i thought i had The Plan figured out, career wise, and now i don't know what to do and i'm sure you've all figured out by now that if things are not in this certain packaged order for me, or i don't have everything laid out like 4359438 years in advance, i get edgy and anxious.
yesterday was bad, because while a 96 is a good walking out grade in anatomy, i was upset because that means i didn't make a 4.0 GPA, and i believe i've fallen short of the dean's list by .2 or .4. then, this message came in today (ironically i was complaining last night that my med. term. professor was taking her sweet time letting us know our final grades), and once AGAIN i'm bawling my eyes out because it was so sweet and makes yesterday not feel as bad after all, but at the same time i'm so confused about what to do. this time, though, i'm not raiding people's cellphones or whatever. i fear i'm wearing out a welcome or one.
so here is the message typed word for word from callwave:
"heathyr, this is CJ again, i just wanted to tell you one more thing [message 1 was about a quit smoking website she recommended, as i'm still doing this cold turkey thing and fearing binge eating], i couldn't believe that you did so well with, what, 48 or 50 hours of no sleep going into the final, so if you ever decide to go further into the medical field--i think you should be a doctor, girl, you're very very smart--and you need a reference letter that says you can function on little sleep or under stressful conditions, *i* will be the one to write it for you. you missed nothing on the abbreviation test, and got a 97 on your final exam [what IS it with me and these $R*T%&$* 97 percents?!]. before i even dropped your lowest test grade by default, you maintained 1009 points over the required 1000. you were a joy to have in class, and i hope i bump into you again if you're taking anything else in healthcare beyond phlebotomy--don't stop yourself there, girl, i can't imagine why you'd be satisified with just that. have a wonderful break, you deserve it, and take care. bub-eye."
....
because i don't want to be 40 before i'm done with school? because i didn't exactly "handle" functioning on THAT little sleep in a way that is like, sane, or considered healthy by any means. it's amazing what people think of you when they don't see what is really going on. apparenty she didn't notice that i tore my knuckles up with my eraser just trying to stay awake during review? it's a real gory horrorshow, my hands right now. i wonder if 1009 points will help balance anatomy? i wonder if i got a 4.0? and what else IS there besides phlebotomy? meaning--what if i want to do labwork; test the blood and find diseases and type it and cross it and all that? i was told that's just a medical assistant and/or lab assistant associates, which is just 2 years, but like, i have to get THIS and just this to get INTO a place like say a hospital that'll pay for any further schooling, because i already owe this bank my life and like first born for the measly year i've been in school already.
what am i supposed to do? i mean what else is there to do? maybe i should have gone for surgical assistant or ER tech after all? is that more "doctor like"? should i even be thinking about anything doctor-like. god i hate when people throw me off what i have planned out. i mean her message felt good and makes yesterday not so bad, but now what am i supposed to do when she's given me more to think about and all i want to think about is getting this done and just working and sticking people with needles for a paycheck and a place to live (miiind numbing, which'll maybe make these other self-identity/gender issues numb out, i'm sure). what do i do now?
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I would say, have your well-deserved break, rest and be happy of the good scores you got, don't worry about the things you could have gotten better. Damn, Heathyr, you've already impressed the hell out of me AND your teacher! You don't need to do any better! 
Besides, the one biggest reason you're feeling freaky is because you HAVEN'T SLEPT PROPERLY in grud knows how long! GO TO BED! LOL!
Once you're rested, everything will seem so much clearer and concise, you know that, right?
Soft hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ok ok ok! i promise! 
i also realise that in all this no-sleep mess, i've forgotten to take my anti-anxiety medication this whole time. good GOD. ::-)
hugs for you!
(hahaha, i am so voice chatting with you right now, how bizzare!!!)
-h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
e
|
 |
On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
|
|
|
It's cool that you scored so high. Now get some sleep and don't forget to take your meds.
Don't worry about what your teacher thinks you should be doing. Do what YOU want to be doing. If you think you want to go on and get more schooling, then do it. But don't do something that YOU don't want just because your teacher thinks you can.
{{HUGS}}
Think good thoughts,
e
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
What do you do? 
Congrats 
