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And I leave for "home" on Saturday (tomorrow). I haven't been able to really sleep lately because I'm rather apprehensive of the alarmingly long (It's a WHOLE MONTH!) Christmas "vacation" coming up. I will be spending roughly four weeks of my life with my family, the older members of which still do not know of my (ahem) "orientation." I suppose the reason for them not being informed of this was that I hadn't really informed MYSELF of this fact until I arrived at College and gradually realized that "gay" did NOT mean all the horribly misinformed and destructive things that my parents (especially Mom) told me it meant. Therefore, I am fearful (for lack of a better word) of spending such a long time in a place that has such possibility for a potentially un-favorable situation.
Maybe I'm just a little paranoid. After all, they never noticed anything before but that was when I was still trying to convince myself that I was straight because - as I already mentioned - I thought I was doomed for sure thanks to my Mother who was acting with the "best of intentions" when she informed us of the "evils of the world" (okay, that's a bit more dramatic than how she presented it but still...)
Well, I guess I'll try to go to bed so I can wake up early and enjoy as much of tomorrow as possible in the relative paradise that is College. Sorry I dumped this on you all; I usually try to keep my problems to myself because I feel that they are so relatively insignificant to the pressing ones that usually get discussed here but seeing as how it's three thirty-nine and no one's occupying the couch right now I thought I'd take a turn.
That's it; I promise. Talk to all of you later.
-Machelli
viðrar vel til loftárása
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If you don't bring up the subject then it should not be a problem.
If they bring it up just smile and walk away.
When I was teaching and invariably one student or another would ask if I were gay I would answer, "Does it matter?"
Home for me is a place of the past. There is no going back, not really.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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It is not even "what you prefer". It is a minute part of you, made to feel huge because it feels so overwhelming.
Let's get it into perspective:
You happen to need the emotional and sexual and partnership compnay of males. You are a fully functioning human being with all the hopes and fears of all human beings. You need and deserve love, fraternal, relationship and parental.
In short you are normal.
The main thing is to put sexuality into the compartment where it shoudl live. How many family conversations deal with heterosexuality? So homosexuality should be relegated to the same small place.
And if it hurts? Retire to the keybaord and create more of that story
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Being gay is by NO means a minute part of you. It defines you.
I agree that common conversation seldom involves sexual orientation and if by chance it does involve it, just excuse yourself.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I see your point, recognise it, and disagree. To me it defines only the parts you allow it to define.
You and I are each gay men. We each have radically different lives, and probably each would have chosen, had he been able, a different life again. But neither of us is truly defined by being gay. I and you are defined by who we are and what we do, plus the way we represent ourselves. We are not defined by the way we need fulfilment.
Yet we may choose to allow ourselves to be defined by it, if we wish. I choose not to.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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The parts I would have chosen to live differently were out of my control. One incident would have meant that I would lie about who I am. In essence, deny the person. The second, .... i could have taken the cab... agreed
Who I am, what I do, how I live.... Is fulfillment.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Hi Machelli.
You don't need to be sorry about 'dumping' you aches & problems &
insights & comments. That's exactly why this place was built by
Timmy, right?
Well, I can't really say much,
since I haven't told my parents about me either.
It really scares me as well.
Find comfort in knowing you are able to love & appreciate other people.
I'd rather be disturbed if you didn't like boys nor girls!
Besides, boys are a lot cooler to admire. ^_^
Not that I have anything against girls. They're okay.
Just make the most out of your Christmas vacation.
If it happens, it happens.
Most of the time, it's usually not that bad. ^_^
Hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
Quit worrying. 
"The worst way of missing someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them." To Stephen Tsang, wherever you are.
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But hardly everything. There is no 1 "stance" on anything, in any community.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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Yeah, I agreew that the things you worry about are just as legitimate as anything else that gets posted here! So I'm glad you did.
I'm lucky in that I come from a family that never talked openly about feelings together, no matter what. A person could have died at the dining table, and everybody else would have been like, "Pass the potatoes".
You don't need to say or discuss anything that makes you uncomfortable, ever. It's really just that simple. Most of the time, people will follow your lead and not push something if you indicate that you're not going to discuss it.
When the occasional rude person does try to push it,I have found that saying, "Boy, this is something YOU have strong feelings about, huh?"
That still translates to the door still being shut for further comments by you.
Good luck, and have a good time anyhow!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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