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Well... It's Chrimbo-hols, and no school until 5th Jan, 2004.
I should be happy, right?
ha ha ha...
I should be in Europe, or England now. Ha ha, no, still here.
Same miserable, depressing hell that is Amador County.
Ho... I'm also fat, no, wait hulkingly obese.
I'm 5 foot 7, 17.5 stone. (245 Pounds)
I turn on television and see these gorgey blokes in pants or shorts.
Marvy bods, lean, beautiful. I'm just this short, pale blob.
Oh, then there's my mate Eoian. Gorgeous, pefect. Beautiful English boy.
And what am I? Short, fat, stupid German blob.
Oh, and then I can't even keep my own life together enough to get decent grades.
Ha ha ha
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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there's a lot i want to say to this but i'm not sure how to, probably because reading it sounds way too familiar (to me), and i think anything i'd say would just trivialise how you're probably feeling.
i'm sorry you're not where you want to be, but i bet some day you will be.
when i turn on the TV, i see these sylvan bony girl-things that look almost boyish. maybe you and i oughta stop watching TV? :-/ 
take care, sy .. you've friends here.
h:ik
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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Don't worry that much about me, Heathyr.
Oh yeah.
And most people can't get my name right.
Christopher. Not that hard, is it?
Kris-to-fur. Easy, 3 sylables, or so.
No, just "Chris" Hmm.. Why do I hate it?
When I was 7, a "Chris" forced me to give him oral sex.
Lovely, doesn't matter though, as long as they can save themselves 2 sounds.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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Hiya Christopher,
I know we haven't spoken much before this, so hi!
I too have struggled with my weight since I was a kid (and I am a serious geezer now...51...hehe)
I've always envied thinner, fitter friends.
Sounds like 2 things maybe should be on the agenda...first, be more accepting of your body the way it is, and learn to appreciate your strengths. Cuz there will always be other people out there who love us chubbies just the way we are. Look how many guys are looking for bears and chubs in the Personals, for example.
I know from experience...my partner Man and I have been together for almost 11 years now, and he's gorgeous. He likes chubbies. We wouldn't be together if I wasn't one. It helps me like my body more, for sure.
Second, and it will be an equally difficult struggle, some weight can be lost if you're motivated and angry and fed up and want to enough...and some sort of sensible and down-to-earth fitness program can be put into place, even if you've never done anything like it before.
My doc here in Thailand is a bit of a specialist on it all, and has me on a SLIGHT diet (enough to lose about 1/2 pound per week). It means some cut-backs and shifts for sure, but not as radical as I feared. And rather than join a gym, I have decided on the less radical route of buying a treadmill machine for my home use. That helps me avoid gym crowds, makes me less resisstant since I can do it when I please, dressed as I please, without being embarressed about it, and it costs less that a gym membership here. Only 20-30 minutes per day of moderate activity will be enough. Again, nothing drastic.
Hope that helps...
Hugs you anyhow!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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ok, you have just said something important. You have said, but not in so many words, that you don't like your body.
Christmas present from you to you: "Body for Life" a book, from Amazon. Start slow and build up. It will take two years at least to get into shape, and the first 8 weeks will be hell. No need to follow the food regime slavishly, but it does help. but do start the exercise.
We blobs can get into shape. I am 2 years into an exercise to lose weight and get fit programme. Not spectacular, but I am now fit, and not by any means as fat as I was.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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So... The bright side is that I HAVE lost 45 pounds in the past year.
It came with a gruiling routine of walking up hills and mountains,
and my diet is safe enough. (Meat, maybe a little too much of, lots of fruits, vegetables, fruits, vegetables, oh yeah, and then vegetables).
My problem I guess is that I expect more out of myself than I can produce.
I don't know... I just needed to get that off my chest.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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i'll worry about who i want, thank you! 
"heathyr" was always too much for people too. i became "H" or "aych" so i can feel you there.
and just ... *hugs* because i can.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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Thanks Heathyr, you're brilliant.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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