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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Just a couple more, then I'll go quietly
icon6.gif Just a couple more, then I'll go quietly  [message #19437] Sat, 17 January 2004 00:55 Go to next message
charlie is currently offline  charlie

Really getting into it
Location: San Antonio, TX
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 445




What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody's going to lose a trailer.


Hugs, Charlie
icon14.gif Oh my!  [message #19440 is a reply to message #19437] Sat, 17 January 2004 01:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
The Gay Deceiver is currently offline  The Gay Deceiver

Really getting into it
Location: Canada
Registered: December 2003
Messages: 869




No Message Body



"... comme recherché qu'un délice callipygian"
icon6.gif smith Jokes !! smith Jokes !!  [message #19453 is a reply to message #19437] Sat, 17 January 2004 12:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
smith is currently offline  smith

On fire!

Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095



Hahaha, Charlie......pea soup !!

*****
A little kid is in his bedroom, near ecstasy as he masturbates vigorously when his father walks in.
"You better stop that, son," says the dad. "Otherwise, you're liable to go blind."
The boy promises to stop immediately.
A week later, the dad once again walks in as the boy is masturbating.
"I thought we had an agreement," the dad says angrily.
"Well," says the kid, "I figured I'd just quit when I needed glasses."

*****
A guy starts his first day of work in the office at a sex clinic. The head doctor is showing him around the place, when they happen upon a man masturbating in the hall.
"Whoa! What's going on there?" the guy asks.
"Oh, he has the disease hyper-spermatogenisis. If he doesn't ejaculate at least 7 times a day, his testicles will explode," the doctor answers.
They continue on their tour and they pass a room where a gorgeous male nurse is pleasuring a man orally.
"What's going on in there?" asks the new guy.
The doctor replies, "He has the same problem as the guy in the hall - but he's got better insurance."

*******
A cowboy is out riding when he encounters an Indian lying on the ground shirt off, buckskins down to his ankles and a perfect erection pointing to the sky. The cowboy asks, "Hey, what are you doing?"
The man on the ground replies, "I'm finding out the time."
"Huh? how does that work?" the cowboy inquires.
The Indian replies, "See, it's like a sundial. I can tell the time by how the shadow falls."
"I see," says the cowboy, "So what time is it?"
"About a quarter to 11," says the Indian.
The cowbot thanks him and rides on. Some time later, he comes across another native, again with his britches down and a tall erection. The cowboy asks the time.
"Almost 2:30."
"Thanks," says the cowboy and rides on. A couple of hours later, the comesa across the third Indian, pants down with erection pointing skyward- only this guy is masturbating with great determination.
The cowboy says, "Hey, I met some other guys today and they showed me how they tell time -- but what the heck are you doing?"
The happy Indian grinned, "Winding the clock."
OK, you two  [message #19458 is a reply to message #19453] Sat, 17 January 2004 18:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
e is currently offline  e

On fire!
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179



Since we're getting into smith Jokes and Charlie's tellin' some pretty bad ones I have to join in.

How do you break a redneck's fingers?


A. Punch him in the nose.


The M.D. of a small company has two employees; Jack and Jill. Just recently the company has been doing badly so the M.D. decides that one of them must go. Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill. He asks Jill to step into his office and with a heavy heart explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."


A man telephones his office and says, "Sorry, I can't come into work today, I'm sick."
"How sick are you ?" asks his boss.
"Well," he replies, "I'm in bed with my sister."


Q: Whats long and thin and covered in skin? Pink in parts and u shove it in tarts?


A: Rhubarb
icon7.gif OMG e, those were HORRIBLE! HAHAHAHAHAA!  [message #19460 is a reply to message #19458] Sat, 17 January 2004 19:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
lenny is currently offline  lenny

On fire!
Location: Far Away
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 1755



First I thought the Jack and Jill joke was the crown of the crop, but then I read the I'm sick joke... ROFLOL!

Super-hugs:
-L



"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
Just when you thought it was safe....  [message #19463 is a reply to message #19460] Sun, 18 January 2004 01:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
e is currently offline  e

On fire!
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179



Here's a true smith Joke:

smith's mother was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. smith pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" smith's mother was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the smith had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, ...
"Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

Sorry smith. ;-D

Think good thoughts,
e
icon7.gif eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!! >giggle<  [message #19467 is a reply to message #19463] Sun, 18 January 2004 13:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
smith is currently offline  smith

On fire!

Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095



No Message Body
Paraphrased from "Big Fish."  [message #19469 is a reply to message #19437] Sun, 18 January 2004 17:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Musicbasti is currently offline  Musicbasti

Getting started

Registered: January 2004
Messages: 2



"...it was a terrible power to have at such a young age. I remember that the crow came in my dream this one night, and it told me that someone was gonna die. I woke up, startled; I didn't know what to do. I ran into my parents room and tried to tell them what happened, but they only told me to go back to sleep. You know, I barely could.

Worse yet is that the next day, we got a call that my Aunt [Somename] died. It was right then that I knew there was something in me bigger than this place, bigger than me, and even my folks.

A few nights later the crow came back again, and he said, "your daddy's gonna die." I woke up panicked and once again, I didn't know what to do. They wouldn't believe me if I told them. The next morning I just couldn't keep it in anymore, and I told my daddy what had happened. Unfortunately, the crow didn't say how it was gonna happen, just that "your daddy's gonna die."

Daddy looked real strange, like he'd just drank sour milk, and like he kept expecting the sky to come down and fall on his head. He went through the whole day that way, as if some great weight was just waiting to explode and fall on him. By the time he came home that night he looked completely awful, exhausted, and, well, terrible, because the day wasn't done yet, you see.

He says to my momma, "I've just had the most awful day, and I fear it might only be gettin' worse," and momma? Well she looks like she had a most awful day too, and she says, "You? Imagine how I feel--I opened the door today and the milkman dropped dead right there on our front steps!"

.....hee, hee.
icon12.gif hehehehehe  [message #19474 is a reply to message #19469] Sun, 18 January 2004 20:57 Go to previous message
e is currently offline  e

On fire!
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179



How 'bout another?

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

Think good thoughts,
e
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