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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I don't know if you know this, but they are now selling Kosher
computers (Made in Israel) called a DELLSHALOM. It is selling at
such a good price I bought one.
Mine arrived yesterday. If you or a friend are considering a kosher
computer, you should know there are some important upgrades and changes
from the typical computer you are used to, such as: The cursor moves
from right to left. It comes with two hard drives-one for fleyshedik
(business software) and one for milchedik (games).
Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets
"Ferklempt" The Chanukah screen saver includes "Flying Dreidels". The
PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. After my
computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go!! I'm not
getting any younger!" button. When disconnecting external devices from
the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's
tuchus."
The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music
already!" Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper
right corner. I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup. Microsoft Office
now includes, "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."
When running "Scan Disk" it prompts with a "You want I should fix this"
message?
When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!"
There is a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises
it gets rid of the "schmutz und drek" on your monitor. After 20 minutes
of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen".
Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.
"Year 5761-5762" issues have replaced the Y2K problem. If you decide
not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following
message appears: "You should be ashamed of yourself."
When Spellchecker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the best you can
do?"
When I look at erotic images, my computer says, "If your mother knew
you did this, she would die."
And best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get Spam.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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