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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > The thoughts on Anal Sex interested me
icon5.gif The thoughts on Anal Sex interested me  [message #20161] Mon, 15 March 2004 22:18 Go to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



I am building a new poll asking about anal sex and being gay. It will be multiple answer. It will look at reasosn why anal sex is not considered desirable by those who do not wish to doit.

I am open to ideas to turn into poll questions, please.

I need short sentences like "I feel that the anus is dirty" and "It is a social taboo" and thinsg like that.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The thoughts on Anal Sex interested me  [message #20162 is a reply to message #20161] Tue, 16 March 2004 02:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
sparks is currently offline  sparks

Toe is in the water

Registered: January 1970
Messages: 57



I would never use my lover as a female.The thought of anal intercourse is so repugnent to me.This is only my opinion and I am not going to judge others by my standards.However it should be noted that the practice of anal intercourse several decades ago and even today seems to be the biggest factor in the spread of AIDS. s
Re: The thoughts on Anal Sex interested me  [message #20163 is a reply to message #20162] Tue, 16 March 2004 03:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
david in hong kong is currently offline  david in hong kong

On fire!
Location: American working in Thail...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 1101




Timmy, one question should prolly be something like, "I do not engage in anal sex due to religious belief."

Another statement could be "I don't do that due to fear of diseases".

Another perhaps could be "I don't do that because it makes me feel like an object rather than a valued person."

Another could be "I reserve anal loving for committed partners, and not casual ones. It's a sign of a committed relationship for me."

Another could be "Anal sex is part of my sexual practice because it makes me feel physically and emotionally closer to my partner than anything else we do together." Shorter version..."Anal sex makes us both feel as one..."

Another one might be "Anal loving allows me a chance to show complete trust and openness to my partner"

sparks...countless people have mutually satisfying sex without either partner considering that they are being "used" or "using".

And you're wrong about anal intercourse causing AIDS. UNPROTECTED anal sex contributes to risk. Big difference. Should straight people not engage in intercourse because UNPROTECTED intercourse may cause pregnancy and exposure to STD's? I don't think so!

But I'm glad to hear that you're not judging others by your standards for yourself.



"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
Model Poll so far  [message #20164 is a reply to message #20161] Tue, 16 March 2004 08:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



This is one of the hardest polls I have constructed. It's a challenge to keep my own opinions out of the questions. Now it is not live, so there is no point yet in voting. It's here for you to comment on until I get it right. I think it's close.

Being a Gay Male and Having/Not Having Anal Sex is not Necessarily Related (Multiple Choice Poll)

A previous poll showed that many visitors here do not have (or do not wish to have) anal sex. I am trying to examine the views. The poll is limited in its answers, but I'm trying! Please tick as many answers as you need in order to reflect your thoughts. The poll allows you to express a positive preference for anal sex as well. This is for balance. It is also perfectly possible and valid to tick a negative box in addition to stating that you enjoy anal sex.

I am happy to have anal sex
I find it physically impossible to open up to being penetrated
I find it emotionally impossible to open up to being penetrated
I feel the anus is dirty
I feel the anus is a social (or other) taboo
I have religious grounds against anal sex
I was assaulted and damaged physically. I might want to but I just can't
I was assaulted and damaged emotionally. I might want to but I just can't
I was assaulted. The experience means I do not want to have anal sex
I've thought about it, but I don't want to do it enough
Anal Sex makes me think of 'masculine and feminine'. I do not think of me nor of my partner that way
I feel there is a greater chance of STI/STD transmission with anal sex
While I may have anal sex with a committed partner, I will not until that time with others
Prostate stimulation with fingers or toys is fine, but I do not use a penis there
I do not use fingers or toys inside the anus
I limit anal stimuation to the external area
Anal Sex is enormously emotionally satisfying for me and my partner.
I consider anal sex as 'using and being used'
I simply don't want to even consider it
I am scared of it
The idea of having Anal Sex makes me feel 'gay'. If I avoid it I may still think of myself as 'not gay'
I cannot even caress my own anus, let alone caress another's or have another caress mine
The idea of penetrating my partner's anus or his penetrating mine turns me off
I don't really know what the prostate is, nor why I woudl enjoy it's stimulation
I don't really know where the prostate is, nor how to stimulate it
I want to. I just don't know how


Current Results




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The thoughts on Anal Sex interested me  [message #20165 is a reply to message #20162] Tue, 16 March 2004 09:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



sparks wrote:
> I would never use my lover as a female.

I understand this thought. I felt for a long time that my overwhelming need to be a 'bottom' somehow made me less of a man. It took me many years to understand that the role taken during mutually satisfying sex has nothing to do with masculinisation nor feminisation.

It can be difficult to learn that a body is just a body. And that it has areas where pleasure may be given and received. And that being given pleasure has nothinbg to do with gender roles.

The first time I said, out loud, to a friend, "My overwhelming need is to give myself to my partner and to be penetrated by him" I cried. Half was deep embarrassment at this odd taboo, and half was the relief in saying the words. But I can say to you clearly that I am not feminine, nor effeminate in my needs, nor am I "submissive", except in a "classic sexual theory" sense. What I need to do is to give my trust totally to my partner. That is a gift I bestow actively and may withdraw at any time. I, thus, have all the power.

This topic is worthy of discussion, especially since there are no right and wrong answers.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
The poll is live  [message #20166 is a reply to message #20164] Tue, 16 March 2004 15:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



It is not perfect. It's clinically worded for a start, but it is live, warts and all.

The wording may be off-putting for some. I'm sorry. I can't see how to improve it.

Being a Gay Male and Having/Not Having Anal Sex is not Necessarily Related (Multiple Choice Poll)

A previous poll showed that many visitors here do not have (or do not wish to have) anal sex. I am trying to examine the views. The poll is limited in its answers, but I'm trying! Please tick as many answers as you need in order to reflect your thoughts. The poll allows you to express a positive preference for anal sex as well. This is for balance. It is also perfectly possible and valid to tick a negative box in addition to stating that you enjoy anal sex.

I am happy to have anal sex
I find it physically impossible to open up to being penetrated
I find it emotionally impossible to open up to being penetrated
I feel the anus is dirty
I feel the anus is a social (or other) taboo
I have religious grounds against anal sex
I was assaulted and damaged physically. I might want to but I just can't
I was assaulted and damaged emotionally. I might want to but I just can't
I was assaulted. The experience means I do not want to have anal sex
I've thought about it, but I don't want to do it enough
Anal Sex makes me think of 'masculine and feminine'. I do not think of me nor of my partner that way
I feel there is a greater chance of STI/STD transmission with anal sex
While I may have anal sex with a committed partner, I will not until that time with others
Prostate stimulation with fingers or toys is fine, but I do not use a penis there
I do not use fingers or toys inside the anus
I limit anal stimuation to the external area
Anal Sex is enormously emotionally satisfying for me and my partner.
I consider anal sex as 'using and being used'
I simply don't want to even consider it
I am scared of it
The idea of having Anal Sex makes me feel 'gay'. If I avoid it I may still think of myself as 'not gay'
I cannot even caress my own anus, let alone caress another's or have another caress mine
The idea of penetrating my partner's anus or his penetrating mine turns me off
I don't really know what the prostate is, nor why I woudl enjoy it's stimulation
I don't really know where the prostate is, nor how to stimulate it
I want to. I just don't know how


Current Results




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The poll is live  [message #20174 is a reply to message #20166] Wed, 17 March 2004 09:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Steve is currently offline  Steve

Really getting into it
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465



Why is this poll available only to members of the forum? Just curious.
Re: The poll is live  [message #20175 is a reply to message #20174] Wed, 17 March 2004 10:20 Go to previous message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



Often a proxy server or persistent cache means that you need to press ctrl/refresh a few times to clear out crap between you and this server. Sucks, huh? Only affects the chosen few, though. :-*



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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