|
|
|
|
I was just checking a website when i came across a very interesting story i thought would be interesting enough to share here....
i hope you like it....
Sam's Story
By Sam - Aged 12
If I began my story with "It all started", I would be wrong. I didn't, and to this day I don't, believe that it started. Personally, I prefer to imagine that it was always inside of me, a seed, if you will. A seed growing, that grew a big larger with each passing denial, with each little lie I told to pretend to be more masculine. Until I burst.
My name is Sam. I am gay. I am twelve years old. And I don't want to be. It feels like on a weekly basis, someone asks me how I know I'm gay at such a young age. Honestly, though, I find that a rather absurd question. It's like asking someone deeply rooted in their Catholicism how they know that there is a God. I just... know. Instinctively. The way I know that writing with my right hand is easier than writing with my left, the way that I know settling into a hot bath after a day of hard work feels good, the way I know a sore throat makes me cough and hurt. It's not really about the sex (yet), I don't believe. The idea of vaginal sex doesn't appeal to me any more than anal does. It's about the way I feel so much more comfortable with a boy than with a girl... I can picture myself, lying on a bed. Blue pajama bottoms. Brown chenille blanket pulled up almost to my neck. And someone next to me. But it's not a girl, somehow I know that, it's a boy, I can feel it in the core of my soul. I turn and whisper something. Pink frosted lips. So close I can feel him breathe. And then a kiss, light like a brush of a feather, against my forehead. Against my lips. Just the kiss. Nothing more, nothing less.
Maybe it's naive of me to be holding onto this silly fantasy of soul mates. It's like believing that when I find someone I truly love, rose petals will fall from the sky, and fireworks will be reflected in their eyes. I haven't found anyone yet, but I believe I will. Sometimes it's hard though. Sometimes I'm afraid to close my eyes at night, because I might not wake up in the morning. Like I'll just stop living, stop breathing, blood will not continue to flow steadily through my veins because I couldn't wait any longer, couldn't wait for the Prince Charming I love, though I have never seen him, to walk into my life and carry me off to his castle in the clouds. It's silly, but... what can I say? It IS a fairy tale (ha, get the joke?).
I would love to go into every meaningless detail of my coming-out, but that's not my purpose in this. I don't want to bore you with when I first started thinking about guys like that (ten) or when I first came out (eleven) or what my parents said (we don't care) or just HOW many times I've tried to kill myself (none). Nobody needs to hear that again. Maybe my purpose is not for you, but for myself, to write, to feel the thin sound of my fingers clacking against the keys, to know that someone could be reading this someday. There is beauty in truth. And that, I think, is why I came out. And why if you know, you can too. Be honest. Don't be afraid. To quote American Beauty... everything that was meant to happen, does.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13802
|
|
|
No Message Body
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
That kid has an amazing insight into himself, truly. I can't imagine I had such a detailed view of myself and my wishes for a 'Prince Charming'. I don't know, maybe it's the changing times, the internet making information more freely available, TV shows with and about gays etc.
I just know, when I was 12 back in 82, I think I just thought it was awesome to be naked with another guy... Kinda makes me feel as if perhaps I missed out on something. Oh well, that is the way of things!
Despite all the bad stuff we hear about, on average gay people ARE more accepted these days, kids of today do have it somewhat easier. I really hope this guy will find his Prince Charming and be carried off to his castle - though perhaps not in the clouds, hehe. 
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
how do you reply to that? 
Re: Little Story... 
