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with the decision i've made:
and also:
these were taken by shiloh, who was laying on her stomach. do ignore my dirty floor.
anyway, some days i feel like this. like "i will miss these things that boys generally do not do," because i've yet to meet a boy who dances en pointe (or, who is allowed to, moreather? and as you can tell from stances i am nothing professional or even polished and probably by rights, given my body and how fat it is, SHOULDN'T be allowed en pointe ... ahem). hell, i've yet to meet anyone like me and i think that's my problem.
i have not been in any sort of class or junk since i was probably 12 or so. street skating and playing music began to take precidence over ice and ballet, and i gave it up and walked into That Situation that since ruined my life. but sometimes i pull the shoes out and pretend my kitchen floor is a stage important. i don't even know the names for half the things i do, and probably none of it exists. i only know that for the moment i feel pretty, and thought "okay, i'm okay as a girl," and that shiloh seems to literally ACHE to wear them someday.
and then the rest comes falling into place--all of which you've already heard, and it all drowns out this whisper; a whisper no louder than the box of pointe shoes sliding along the floor as i rise, up up up.
i'm rising, i'm better off this way. i cannot live in that skin anymore, even if it means some sacrifices.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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that HAS to hurt!
With ballet, why don't they just get taller girls?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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especially considering i'm not trained at ALL in pointe dancing. you can know how to maintain and break in your shoes, and you can know the proper way to stretch the feet before and after, but honestly i haven't been in a class in yeeeeears, like BEYOND a decade. i mean, you notice i'm right next to a door; i was using its handle to assist from demi to full pointe.
it's been awhile.
i was cleaning in my room and found them in a box and got a little nostalgic. heck, i'm surprised they still fit, anyway.
it's funny though -- i always thought they should get taller girls, too: and when you see them dancing with men on stage, the men do not go en pointe, and so when the women do, voila! they are like four inches taller than their partner and it doesn't look all that pleasing, at least not to me.
ah, ah... /dreaming.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I guess there are some sacrifices big and small that need to be made. You're maybe not 100% male, but perhaps spiritual gender isn't 100% for any of us. Males do ballet and true it is a different style, but it is still dancing and maybe the gender roles will be broken. Or maybe because of pure physical differences they never will be. I guess with big changes sometimes it is just the little things we miss the most.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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I believe...
That there has only been one man to dance en pointe professionally in a ballet *pulls out his histroy books and checks* It was a guy who danced a remember the part of a pig!
"Men very rarely dance en pointe except for special effects. The male pigs in the tale of Beatrix Potter, for example , make tiny animnal like steps en pointe. Male dancers need to have great strength and agility to performs powerful leaps and to lift a female partner, and so they concentrate to build up muscles needed for their more strenious work."
That all I can find about Men dancing on pointe I will continue my little search though.
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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that big changes bring about the little things that will be missed. but i guess nothing in life, good or bad, big or small, is without sacrifice, right?
and anyway, i don't dance much, like i said -- i pull them out and play about on the kitchen floor, pretending i'm more graceful than i am, that i'm smaller than i am, etc. then they get put away for another year or four, heh. those pics shocked the heck out of me, how small my legs look again ... when i look at myself normally, mirrors and such, all i see is fat and lumps and jiggling skin.
anyways, thank you.  you always make me feel better, just so you know.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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that's interesting, i never knew that!! if you find anything else, definitely let me know. i can't even really picture males dancing en pointe, to tell you the truth. although admittedly i'm rarely looking at their feet ... ahem.  ::-)
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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eeee, excited! thanks for those links, i'm about to crawl all over all of them!!! :-*
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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eeee, excited! thanks for those links, i'm about to crawl all over all of them!!! :-*
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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eeee, excited! thanks for those links, i'm about to crawl all over all of them!!! :-*
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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eeee, excited! thanks for those links, i'm about to crawl all over all of them!!! :-*
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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yeah, i so didn't mean to post the same thing 345093845 times; i thought my browser had locked up (as it's been doing a lot the past four days).
my apologies!
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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