|
|
|
|
Yeah, I went and splurged for something really expensive again, but this time even the most sceptical person must agree it is something useful:
...A bike!
It all started with Shem talking about his bike, and his uncle's bike, and then my adoptive father won a bike helmet somewhere too, I think via his workplace - though he is actually retired now. I visited the rents this past weekend, the first of may is a holiday in parts of Europe, and since I've not seen them for months and they've been begging me to come I decided to go. That way we could discuss me getting myself a bike, as well as do some socializing. Also, a friend and his girlfriend were having a birthday party for them both on saturday, so it meant killing several birds with one stone.
Ah, yes. The bike... Bought it today, got home about an hour ago. Been resting since and typing this post.
It is a Specialized Rockhopper Comp; aluminium frame, fully suspended, all-Shimano components including cranks, derailleurs, wheelhubs plus hydraulic disc brakes front and rear, and, I'm pretty embarrassed to admit it, but it's got 27 gears.  Ok, admittedly some gears are "unusable combinations", as the chain doesn't like to be stretched to the extreme endpoints, but still, it has a hell of a lot of gears. My first MTB had "only" 21 (theoretical) gears...
I've so far mostly ridden it on the middle front gear (it has 3), and then adjust the speed with the rear derailleur (which has 9 gears). I only go up on the largest front gear if it is flat and easy riding, coz I'm SOOOO out of shape it's not even funny, but I intend to build myself up again. Still, I'd say the saddle did more to slow me down than my overall fitness; I'm pretty sure a lump of ROCK would have been more comfortable to sit on!  )
Took me about 35-40 mins for a slightly roundabout biketour back home from the city center, and then I was already somewhat tired from the bike trip from the store where I bought this thing. Tomorrow I will have to go out and get it insured... It cost me SKR15.200 to buy this thing including the big-ass German ABUS lock + wire I bought. Bike was on sale by the way, regular price SKR18.000, reduced to 14.400, pretty good IMO...
Of course, this means I got last year's model, but who the f**k cares?  It's more than good enough for me as it is! My bike rules. (Damn, I'm TIRED, haha! My butt's gonna ache like hell tomorrow thanks to this uber-rock-like saddle... I did push my thumb into it just now to check it actually flexes, and it did, but it sure didn't feel that way when I sat on it!
The brakes are dangerous btw. Not in the sense they don't work, but that they actually work a bit TOO good! JEBUS. I've never sat on a bike with THIS kind of stopping-power before, if I were to go fairly fast and squeeze the front brake as hard as I could I'm sure I'd tumble right over the handlebar and smash my skull open on the pavement...  Incredible.
There are disc brakes that are wire operated too, but they don't have this level of power the guy I bought the bike from said. Somehow, I still get the impression it would have been enough for me... Jebus, this is crazy stuffs!
The guy who bolted the last few details together, mounted the lock holder onto the frame and adjusted all the mechanical bits was this super duper yummy young smooth guy named Julian. He was not particulary tall and so cute and really slim and fit; you could see tons of thick veins on his lower arms even though he didn't have that much muscle; it was DEAD sexy, and his butt was nice and round too! GORGEOUS he was, OMG! I love a hottie who knows how to handle his tool... LOL!
So far this thing completely rules - all 1 hour tops I spent on top of it and I can't wait to do it again, if my butt can handle it, hehe. No, it was the same with my first MTB too, it had a horrible saddle I thought, and after a while it fit me like a glove. Also, it will be much easier to ride without a plastic bag in my hand swinging around, and I won't wear my jacket either when it's warm and sunny... Blech, really BAD combination! I sweated like a pig in it.
I MAY have to get some bike shoes though with clips on em, because these pedals aren't exactly ideal with regular shoes. Will have to wait for another month though - along with headlights, hehe - because I have no money left now. ::-)
Of course, meeting the rents had the usual bunch of pitfalls associated to it. Momthra was in a foul mood the day I arrived, but it got better the next day (thank grud, or I'd either pushed her down the stairs or got on the next bus heading back down south again even if it meant missing my friend's birthday party. Luckily, she stayed sane for the rest of my visit, and on sunday evening right before I was about to go to bed she wanted to have a serious talk. She begged me not to get angry for what she was about to ask, and said it wasn't easy to talk about this, and I immediately thought she was going to ask if I'm gay.
Well, she didn't. She wondered if I wanted to get in touch with my biological mother and brother. Jebus! What a time and a place to toss something like that at me...
I asked back if they'd contacted her recently, and she said not for a while now, and then I said we'd talk more about it later when I'd gone back home again. I don't feel like having face-to-face conversations on the subject because then I might get angry for her keeping secrets from me literally for decades... I DO want to get in touch with them, but I do NOT want to be the one initiating contact.
It feels as if I am always the one who has to do that or else people ignore me or forget about me... If my birthmother is serious about this why won't she approach me? I'm listed in the phonebook for grud's sakes, both number and address.
Ever since I found out about him, I've had the impression my half-brother is older than me. Well, he isn't, it seems. And his name is Peter. Wonder if he too would like to get to know me?
If only I'd had a little brother when I grew up, it would have made things easier I'm sure...
Agh. This is difficult.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
The birth family thing. I think she does not get in touoch directly because, well, she is nervous of how the son she could not keep will react. So she cannot (now) take the the initiative and approach you.
Equally, you feelunable to take the initiative and approach her because you feel let down by being given away.
No matter how often people say "useful things" to you about adoption this is something you need to work out in your own way. A start is to confront the fears and inujustices you feel and to talk them through with someone who understands your needs.
A meeting, or a letter, or a phone call, should only come when you are both ready.
Your mother? The one who raised you? She has tried her best. She has no idea how to handle this either.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
saben
|
 |
On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
|
|
|
Although I wasn't adopted, I didn't have contact with my birth father (or any father) until I was 15. Meeting him was kind of an interesting experience. I was so apprehensive about getting in contact with him, in someways I though it would be better to never even know what kind of guy he was. He was never a part of my life and it did feel that he had kind of abandoned me and my mother, though. I know that it was just the situation though and while there might have been some selfish elements involved, it wasn't an entirely selfish decision.
Well, he turned out to be a nice enough guy and I was glad that I could meet him. The only thing that hurt was that he said he would keep in touch with me so we could meet again, but then he never did. I guess in his situation, he had married and had two kids, so having a bastard around didn't look good for his 'perfect', nuclear family or professional reputation (as a top manager within Australia of a car firm). Regardless, though, I think you should keep the attitude that while you don't NEED these people in your life, they can be 'interesting' to have contact with and maybe they can provide a positive influence. Just don't rely on them for anything and take it at surface level until they prove otherwise.
As for the bike, it sounds pretty cool! Much better than the piece of Japanese scrap metal that I ride around. Not that I ride much, I am usually lazy and just bus or train places.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think I would very much like to meet them. Or at least my brother, dunno about my mother. She did give me up after all and I ended up with a crazy woman instead. Well, maybe my biological mother is crazy too, I don't know. 
That she's kept in touch with my foster parents through the years in secret sort of bugs me. It also bugs me my foster parents kept it a secret until I was almost 20 years old, and even then didn't tell the whole truth.
I didn't know I was missing something until that moment and it kind of makes me angry, because I feel maybe I should have been given the choice much earlier...
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I guess I'll have to make my adoptive mother contact my biological family. since she said it's been a while since they haven't contacted her for quite a while now.
Dunno why she even brought the subject up, if nothing's happened for maybe years, I dunno how long...
I do want this to happen though. I think.
It's a bit scary...
Thank you anyway for the advice. *hug*
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey Lenny!
Congrats on the new bike! and on the hot guy assembling yer bike  (you have fun thinkin of him )Lord my bday has warped me... Glad to hear that you've already put it through some good use of it. I've not been adopted, put through foster care, but i do feel for you. It does suck that your biological mom and your half bro haven't contacted you, but hey, in the end it's not you who's losing out for the most part(i will leave space for your half bro) it's yer biological mom and your half bro who're losing out by not gettin to know you in person. I guess it does suck that she kept it a secret that she's been keeping tabs on you in private (on top of your foster parents doing the same), but i guess she may be feeling guilty, and wanting to at least see that the son she gave up is in good hands or something *shrug* who knows what goes in some people's minds eh? ::-) Anyways. Best wishes to you, hope things work out in the long run.
Have fun on the bike and be safe!!!
Al
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
e
|
|
On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
|
|
|
Of course if I were there I'd love to make you butt feel better. ;-D ;-D ;-D My first bike had no gears, the second had only 5. I had a bike briefly in the 80s that had 12, but it was stolen before I got to ride it twice.
As for the secrets, sometimes they are better when kept, sometimes not. Unfortunately, it seems impossible to know until they are revealed. I'm sure your adoptive mother has struggled hard with this.
Go ahead and initiate contact with your birth mother if that is what you want. If you wait, it most likely won't happen. If she hasn't contacted you by now, she probably isn't going to. She may be waiting to see if that is what you want.
{{TONS o HUGS}}
Think good thoughts,
e
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
Your adoptive parents are in a "no win" position. If they had told you earlier and it had all gone horribly wrong, what then? telling you later means you feel somehow let down too.
All i woudl say is that, if a ting is worthwhile, then rushing canonly harm it. So, allow your adoptive family their caution, and yes, their craziness. And go gently forward into the unknown. But take them with you in spirit.
You will never know why you were adopted until you have the chance to speak. Remember that Sweden practiced eugenics very actively until after your birth, [http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=sweden+eugenics] and that she may have not dared to risk the odd policies being carried out with regard to mandatory sterilisation. Mothers do not give up their children lightly (95% of the time anyway).
[Updated on: Mon, 03 May 2004 21:29]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yesterday a guy replied to my online dating ad, and now we've been passing messages back and forth a bunch of times. He says he isn't much the partying type either, just like me, and thought I seemed like a nice guy.
His page on the site is very brief, only a few personal details about his looks and such. He is a decimeter shorter than me and with asian features (wowie on both counts), 20 years old and says he likes older guys *blush*, and he describes himself as submissive... He sent me his pic just now and he is a real cutie too.
We arranged to meet tomorrow evening, just to see each other for maybe two hours before he is going to the movies...
Omg, what the heck am I supposed to do? He is everything I could possibly ask for on the physical level - I have no idea about his personality yet... I know I should not get my hopes up and I try not to, but I am so starved of affection I can't help it, and if he doesn't like me it's going to get really hard to handle - again. I know you guys will say "just be yourself and see what happens" and stuff like that and I *WILL*, but still it feels as if I'm never going to be allowed to be happy together with someone... Jeez. I've doomed this relationship before it even started, ain't I the depressing one... Still, he is so much like my dream guy it feels like I could never get someone like that, and my inferiority complex thingy starts acting up inside me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to think I'm good enough for anyone, much less a cute guy like this one.
*feels nervous and all jittery inside*
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
Do not try to impress in any way. Remind him that you are quiet, sometimes shy, and gentle. And that you are a little bit afraid sometimes too. And find common ground that is not orientation based. talk about him, and about you. And be yourself
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks timmy... Those were good words.
{{{hugs you}}}
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Woo Hoo! Good news!
What Timmy said, and my fingers are crossed!
Be sure to let us know what happens with this Asian cutie. Us "rice queens" should stick together, my friend!
**A rice queen is a caucasian attracted to Asians, for those unfamiliar with the term...and Asians who like caucasians are called potato queens...giggle*::-) ::-)
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Steve
|
 |
Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
|
|
|
Lenny, I agree entirely with what Timmy wrote. I would add that you should try not to be nervous, try to relax and enjoy yourself. You are going to meet someone who might possibly become a good friend: maybe more but hopefully no less. Don't let your imagination create for yourself a hurdle which you cannot possibly scale. Lenny, for once be a friend to yourself and not your own worst enemy. I am really praying for your success - and his. Hugs you very, very tight.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
These are good words too... I will try to remember this IS an opportunity to at least make a friend. Hope the other guy isn't hoping for something I can't deliver though, but he really does seem like a nice guy. Still, who can ever be certain of anything? *sighs/heart pounds nervously*
I will try to relax, and remember the good words of all you guys.
{{hugs back}}
And David: rice queen? Hahaa! I'm pretty much an omnivore, I enjoy all variants of the human race fairly equally. Still, asians are goooorgeous with their eyes and complexion... OMG! Thanks to you too.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
He stood me up!
Gaah... Like 4 minutes to seven he calls, I don't have time to answer - as usual - so I call back. He says he's been in a meeting and couldn't get away, and now he has to go to the gym before they close, etc etc.
Jesus... And I'd showered, fixed my hair, put on all-new clothes including pants, brushed my teeth, even bought breath mints. ALL FOR NOTHING. LOL, it's actually rather funny really. In a way.
Mitigating circumstances: he seemed extremely apologetic, said he felt awful for cancelling and wanted to arrange something else. I, being the poor sap that I am, said it was OK and he shouldn't worry about it, and then he apologised more and we decided to contact each other to perhaps do something this coming weekend.
Also mitigating circumstance: his voice sounds really kind and sweet. DAMN.
Right now, my mind is a mess of hopes and worries. Is he having second thoughts? Will he ever get in touch again? Etc etc.
I don't know what else to do other than to try and relax and see what happens. At least if he IS serious about seeing me, I can demand an apology-hug from him or something! *grins*
Oh well... There's always Diablo 2. ::-)
(Better finish off this post, because there's thunder coming and my other computer just rebooted...)
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
e
|
|
On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
|
|
|
Sorry, Lenny. I didn't get to get online yesterday so I just now read all the posts.
At least he called you and wants to arrange something for later. that's a good sign. I was an hour late for my first date with my wife and couldn't call because I didn't know the number (I was picking her up at her sister's house). Don't think you're some poot sap just because you accept his excuse and reschedule. You're not. In this day and age things happen and cancelling at the last minute could be legit. If he doesn't call you, you call him in a day or two. He may feel embarrassed now. Good luck!
{{{HUGS}}}
Think good thoughts,
e
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
saben
|
|
On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
|
|
|
I've stood people up before because I am a slack unmotivated bastard like that. Usually it doesn't mean they are having second thoughts, either that they are just unorganised, having self doubt and/ or just in a situation where they CANNOT change their plans.
Was it much of a hassle for you to get to the meeting place? Because maybe next time you should suggest somewhere closer to where you live. Try not to worry about it, I am sure it has nothing to do with you. After all, he doesn't even know you! If anything it is just circumstance and self-doubt. So keep on smiling and hope for the best next time, I'm sure it'll work out, but if he stands you up again, then maybe it just goes to show that he isn't really the type for you.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Steve
|
|
Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
|
|
|
Lenny, I don't think he stood you up in the real sense of the term. After all, he did call you to apologize etc. He didn't just leave you in the lurch. BUT, my impression is that the reasons he gives for not being able to keep your rendezvous are not very convincing: if he took the trouble to answer your ad and to arrange to meet I don't think a visit to the gym would be sufficent reason to put you off.
Therefore, I think there must be another reason, a real reason, and not an excuse. My guess is that he is as apprehensive as you are and got cold feet at the last minute. Remember, he's only 20 years old and probably has never done anything like this before. So, my advice to you is that you give him a call - today! Be honest with him and try to set his mind at rest. You were looking forward to your meeting, you are disappointed that he couldn't make it. Tell him that you were apprehensive (NOT scared!) and that you would guess that he may have been apprehensive too. "That shouldn't stop us meeting: we might become good friends and we certainly have nothing to lose by meeting..." Try and make another date with him very soon.
My original intention was to send this message to Lenny privately, but I have decided to post it here because there may well be others who think that my advice, given above, is not good - and Lenny must hear that from you as well.
Whatever you decide to do, Lenny, I'm still hugging you very tight.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I feel better about it now.
Yesterday before I went to sleep (technically it was today, but I prefer thinking of the previous period I was awake as yesterday even if it extended into the current 24-hour period! ), I checked the dating site to see if there was any messages, an apology, anything like that. Nothing. Nada. Zip.
I got angry because I again felt inferior and alone and all of that. Then today I woke up after a good night's rest (and it was good despite being angry earlier; I dreamt intriguing exciting dreams like I often do, though I can't remember any of them), and checked the site again. A message from him despite it's pretty early in the day! Yaay.
It said he had slept poorly because he felt so bad for cancelling, and he apologised again and said he was sorry. I replied immediately of course and consoled his feelings, saying it was all right. Really, it wasn't THAT big a deal, it's just all my mental baggage that inflates these things to bigger proportions than they really are. I then suggested the weekend if that is OK with him - and he did do that when we spoke on the phone yesterday.
He really does seem like a sweet and honest guy. He did go through the trouble of messaging me a bunch of times, today especially. So I think he's OK after all. I'll see what happens next and keep you guys posted... Take care everyone!
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
OMG, my new toy is an instrument of torture! 
Blood relatives as opposed to foster ones... 
Re: OMG, I have a date with a real beauty and I am *nervous*! 
WHUPS. 
