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I'm not a perfect person;
There's many things I wish I didn't do.
But I continue learning;
I never meant to do those things to you,
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me:
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is you.
I'm sorry that I hurt you,
It's something I must live with everyday..
And all the pain I put you through,
I wish that I could take it all away,
And be the one who catches all your tears,
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you.
-- 'the reason' by hoobastank.
i can't apologise any harder than that, and i can't force forgiveness, either. i know things can't be forgotten, but i thought they could be forgiven. i'm doing this here because messages i sent are being ignored, and others have me blocked, and e-mails aren't returned.
i might not know who i am anymore, but i know what i stand for, and know that i'm sorry. i can't say it any harder than that.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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The lyrics you posted are beautiful, it's not often they read like poetry and has a coherent substance; too often it's just words meant to go along with the music.
Not this song. It really is beautiful. Thanks.
...And, don't go. Please. 
Take care:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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yes, you were one of the you know who you are's. and thank you for giving me a chance. i remember what you said about lyrics, and reading them without the music, but some still work like poetry without it (although the song is actually very beautiful, the guy's voice does soar).
i am glad to read that you're doing ok.. and wanted to say to not let that guy standing you up get you down. i think if he sounded that sincere about wanting to make new plans, then he means it, so don't let yourself get down yet.
and no, i'm not going anywhere, at least not literally (although i have a very intimidating and scary surgery coming up just after graduation, eek.)
your friend,
me.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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I luv being friends with people!
You said your studies were going great in a previous post, that is wonderful, and it's nice to hear you seem to be finding yourself too, that is awesome. As for me, I am hoping the guy will make new plans with me (oooh he is so cute in the pic hehe), and that we at least get to hang out, and that I at least get to hug him ONCE. That'd be awesome too.
I will finish the story I promised you too and I hope you'll like it. Hope to see you 'round, feel free to say hi if you see me online and have a few minutes to spare!
Your friend:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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i've been having troubles with MSN, however i have 'windows messenger' on netzero's taskbar, which is basically just like MSN messenger without the frills. i'll see if i can get that working. usually i can get on it for 2 seconds and then it locks up on me. 
yep, school is going good, i graduate in a month. i have a second-half of an externship to finish, but i have to wait until after my surgery. well, *i* don't want to, but the GI doctor recommended it, due to high stress levels and all the high-tailing it around. this fistula (tunnel of scar tissue) is like - - - - - - close to my liver, and they're just very nervous about causing extra stress to the body. they said i had to stop exercising, and just go walking if i want to exercise, but ... that's kind of hard to give up, after having to halt an externship, i already feel lazy and lame. :-/
i read your post below about that guy leaving you messages, and i'll keep my fingers crossed!
as for finding me, well, i'm not so sure. no, i know i'm sure about what i've discovered about myself, but i have no real way, or means, to go about it. this haircut of mine is looking AWFUL and i am unsure how to trim/shape/cut it in order for it to grow back out normally, so i can RE-cut it (into a sort of 80s skater-flip thing) and have it look decent. on the plus side, all the hairdye will be officially cut out of it, when i DO get it trimmed again. i have auburn tips and blonde hair, LOL! it looks awful. i've taken to wearing bandana's over it, or else a beanie hat. i haven't seen my natural hair color in about 14 years, so it's like a banner moment. 
well, i have to run and get shi soon, and we are going to pick up "peter pan" for both of us, since we both love that movie (and i suddenly wish i was 10 years younger because jeremy sumpter is ooooonnnnnnne cutie), and we are going to curl up and watch it. i did about 3 hours of yardwork today, leftover leaves and muck (because the leaves got wet) from FALL, and then grass cutting.
take good care of you, lenny.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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There are a couple free messenger clients that are MSN compatible (plus Trillian, which is shareware these days). Maybe one of those would work better for you? The reason I haven't changed out Microsoft's client yet is it is so darn SLICK.
It has good webcam support, good voice-over-IP support (with echo cancellation too), it can send and receive files even through firewalls and routers, and it actually WORKS now!
I think you should be careful with that stress stuff; scar tissue eating up your liver doesn't sound appealing at all; while I am a registred organ donor, but it's far from certain our cells are compatible! (Then again, maybe I got everything all wrong, hehe).
Regarding Peter Pan, I saw on one of those sites that regularly post pictures of human beings turned inside out, videos of BMX bikers careening out over a ledge and breaking their hipbone and both legs etc; there was a link to a flash animation. It consisted of a pair of amazingly pretty lips with the rest of the face masked out, and the text: "Would you kiss these?" Then the rest was slowly revealed, and it turned out to be that kid that plays Pan, hahaha. The text changed and said something like, "haha, this kid is XX years old, you are a PEDERAST!!!", hehehe... I thought it was pretty funny actually.
And congrats on getting the muck cleaned up! Hehe, what a weird word, and it explains exactly what it is too... "Rubbish" is another one of those self-explanatory words IMO.
Will take care, promise me you do too!
Hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Well, I still want to be your friend, if you'll have me. 
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