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AdamAnt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 74
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Well, for those of you that have been too my website you would have read about me and my life long friend JOSH.
Abou a month ago now, me and josh came out too each other and our friendship has been growing closer everyday. I went driving with him today.
I have tried numerous times to bring up the topic of sex (guy/guy) but he always seems to change the topic. I like him so much and I don;t know what he is thinking.
I found out today that he was raped by his best friend 2 years ago, and never told anyone about it until now.
I want to be close to him, but I can't explain his attitude. I know that if i offered to give him he would accept, but Thats not what I want in the long term, I want to be close to him but he wont let me.
What should I do.
The whole time we were driving he had a semi-hard on , I could see it and at one time he grabbed it and told me.AAAAAAAH.I could smell his dick the whole time it was semi-erect draped across his leg inside his jeans.
I find it scary to think about showing my real feelings for him at the moment because he puts on a hard ass act all the time.
but i know what he is really like. even though he is messed up in the head real bad, he is still the same boy I loved when I was 8 years old.
Maybe you guys could shed some light on my situation, I really dont know what to do.
*Hugs*
AdamAnt
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Adam, just continue what you are doing. You say you two are getting closer every day, well, let that continue. Show him that you accept him as he is now, not as he was when you both were little, because both of you have changed. I have always believed that you have to be friends first, before any type of love can grow.
And if Josh asks you a question, tell him the truth of what you believe, even if that is not what he wants to hear. The one thing that can destroy a friendship is a lie, no matter how well intentioned. In the end, facing the truth together strengthens those bonds of friendship.
Freely sustitute the word love and the word friendship, because one cannot exist without the other.
Hugs, Charlie
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I agree with Charlie. I'd take it real slow and realize that there will likely be some long-term, possibly lifetime, effects from being a rape victim, so be a friend first and don't pursue anything he isn't ready for. He may seem ready, or even say he wants something, but watch his body language, etc, in case he's putting on a front. He probably really needs someone he can talk to about this - many victims never talk it out with anyone.
If I recall, you aren't ready for/interested in anal sex, which I consider an excellent thing considering both of your circumstances. Personally, I'd save that for a true love and soulmate, but I realize some people aren't that patient.
Take care, and show Josh that you are a trusted friend above all else.
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From what you wrote it seems that he really trusts you and that you two have a special connection which is a very good start. Be there for him, get to know him better and let him get to know you better as well. There will come a time for you to tell him how you feel, you just have to wait for it. For now let everything run its course - Love is worth the wait.
Love, Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
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AdamAnt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 74
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Hey Guys, thanx for the replies.
I will always be his friend. however talking about love with him is something that I think will be very hard.
I will just keep going at it with him, but he never wants to talk about anything about his past. And if we ever discuss sex he talks about all the girls he has "FUCKED".
When I was in the car with him the other day we had his next door neighbour in the car aswell, he is 15. We had the KORN cd cranked so I couldnt hear what they were saying, but I am sure I heard his neighbour say
"Is this the guy that gave you head"
and josh just said "Yeh man".
so, when I asked him about it 20 minutes later when the other boy had gone, he said he didn;t know what Iw as talking about, and that they didnt speak.
This just makes me think. If he talks too other boys about sex and stuff, why doesn;t he speak too me =(
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...And I should know, I'm the Master at brooding! 
If you're sure you did not imagine hearing them talk, or mis-interpret what they were saying, then maybe you should point out to your friend how important it is to you to be able to discuss that particular topic... You're close friends, you can trust each other. Assure him of your trust, that you care about him.
If you just let this stay locked up in your skull, it could well start to grow and grow and really bother you.
Above all, allow yourself to use your own judgement too. You probably already know what's best to do, no matter what I or anyone else says. He's your long-time buddy, you know him. Maybe all you need to do is use some courage and take the right course of action.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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