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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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He is not the only person that is unwelcome here....
He is just the first to be sent packing.... If (a very large percentage of proponents here had their own way.... Either through suplication to Tim directly or through the (now regular) endearing E-Mail I recieve ordering me to keep away I would be banished as well....
But being unwelcome in a place is a thing a person can get used to. I have been unwelcome in so many places I have lost count.
Why do I keep coming back while knowing this? Why do I go anywhere while knowing this? You think about it, each one of you.... Think about it very hard....
You just may enlighten yourself a bit....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Let's get this bit out of the way at the start:
The only reason for a person to be sent packing is for continual, wilful and persistent breaking of the very small set of rules here. These include, but are not limited to being abusive to others. But anyone who transgresses here gets long and fair warnings. So, being unwelcome (such people are) and perceiving that one is unwelcome are two different things.
Nonetheless perception is, for the most part, reality.
So, you perceive that you, and perhaps others, are unwelcome. And, for you, this is a reality because it is your reality, created by your perception, and by the emails that people have sent to you suggesting that to them you are unwelcome. I hope that is a fair summary. I know you will correct me if it is not.
There is nothing I can do about your perception of the welcome you feel you have. OK, that's obvious, but it is the truth. Those who have lobbied you, and those who have lobbied me for the removal of more than one perosn from here need to think about that hard. In addition, if I may be personal for a short while, the reactions you cause by the way you have in the past phrased things (very direct, to the point of harshness; more than a little strident) are bound to make you feel less welcome than you might otherwise.
This is where perception and reality merge in such a way as to be indistinguishable, since the lack of feeling welcome generates greater stridency in all of us. We have even heard people say "Oh lord, that's Marc being Marc again". And, of course, you are being you.
What I think you missed until the other day is that your actual welcome does not lessen when you (and others) behave in this very human way. What happens instead is that what you say, valid or not, is increasingly ignored. And that means lack of response to posts.
Someone else said to me that he does not post because no-one answers him, and that means no-one is interested in what he has to say. Impeccable false logic, that. It may just be that he posts things in such a manner that no response is required. It may be that his posts are on the periphery of other people's interest. Yet he is welcome, as are you, as are all people (with that ine notable exception).
Welcome is an odd thing. It wears out if one acts in order to wear it out. I look back over many conversations I have had with many people. I have got as far with some as to say that they will become unwelcome if they persist in a certain course. That does not mean they are unwelcome. It means what it says.
The thing I can't do is to make you more welcome than I do. 100% is 100%. I'd be grateful for some suggestions from you and others though, about what would make you more wlecome, both in your behaviour to others and their behaviour to you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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XXX wrote:
> Why do I keep coming back while knowing this? Why do I go anywhere while knowing this? You think about it, each one of you.... Think about it very hard....
>
> You just may enlighten yourself a bit....
I hope I dealt with the perceived lack of welcome before. As for this part, well it's important. And yet the answer is simple. You like going to the places you go to. They do actually provide a welcome whcih you simply fail to recognise as such. You do not go to places you do not like. I can give examples of those easily.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc,
perhaps it's the same reason why i'm still here, knowing what i know about myself mixed with what other people think, say, or email me (yes, even still).
a shred of hope maybe? or because despite all that, you know that at least one person, maybe even a few more, consider you valuable and see past all this other junk?
maybe.
hang in there; you're not the only one who's regularly and behind-the-scenes blackballed. it means NOTHING--it means only what you make of it, because i know other people here think of you fine.
-nothinglight,
or heathyr, or
leander.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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What I like and even enjoy are strong discussions which tweak the grey cells a bit.
What I also like are friends.... as strange as that may seem.... By friends I mean people whom I can count on. By count on I mean all the things friendships contribute in a relationship for good or ill for happiness or sadness.
Things that hurt... are people that make prejudgments about a persons makeup before and without taking the time to know them.
Sometimes I feel it is better if I just stop trying to know people. I try to communicate with new people and after just 2 or 3 short interactions of a communicatable nature I never hear from or get replies from them again.
I don't do the cyber thing and I always make it known right up front that I am in a happy relationship and am not "on the prowl".... What is it that I am doing or saying wrong? I hate to think what I am thinking and it is just people that have a sour opinion of me getting to these people and "warning them off" so to speak.... But from things said in email I recieve it is most apparent that quite indepth discussions go on behind the scenes and not to any particular benefit to me.
Do I try too hard? Am I wrong in my basic assessment that this medium can create real lasting friendships?
Please, if you (anyone) have an insight to this let me know....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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XXX wrote:
> I don't do the cyber thing and I always make it known right up front that I am in a happy relationship and am not "on the prowl".... What is it that I am doing or saying wrong? I hate to think what I am thinking and it is just people that have a sour opinion of me getting to these people and "warning them off" so to speak.... But from things said in email I recieve it is most apparent that quite indepth discussions go on behind the scenes and not to any particular benefit to me.
Well I am pleased to say that no-one involves me in those in depth discussions. Though I suppose I may just ignore them
Actually you need, I think, to flirt. Friends flirt. It;s normal and healthy. Doesn't need to lead anywhere, justy to flirting.
As for the "I emailed them and it all stopped" people, maybe have another go. And another. And yet another.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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