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i drove almost 40 hours to arrive at my destination to find out a friend back home was killed in a car accident.
the love of my life got highly upset with me because i was being a puss.
so i flew back home. (not because he was mad at me, but because i need to make it to the funeral, just for the record)
then i get home and i drop kick my phone so i can't read anything on the screen.
then a few hours later i find out my business has burned down. now what to do about my employee's jobs? what am i going to do without something i've worked so hard for? how will i compensate for my clients?
WHAT'S NEXT?!
"more tongue and groove than a hardwood floor"
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have no idea what to say.
but I am going to wish you luck. And offer a prayer for you
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Hugs for you. I'm so sorry you've had such a terrible time. Take a deep breath and stay calm. I'll be thinking about you.
{{{hugs}}}
smith
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It's hard to know what to say at a time like this, but I really relly hope the love of your life and your friend, family etc stand by your side at this difficult time. And I hope your business was insured, so maybe you'll be able to pick up the pieces and glue 'em back together. ...Once the hurricane's passed, that is. 
I'm sorry I can't be of any help, but you have my thoughts and well-wishes. Take care now okay, and keep talking to us so we know what's going on with you alright?
{{hugs}}
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Not coincedentally, i've also had a rather bad week: The man i love drove nearly 40 hours to see me, then heard that a friend had died in his home town and had to immediately return there to attend his funeral. In a fit of disappointment, anger and frustration, I said some things i should not have said, adding to his burden. Then when he got home, his business burned down. He has graciously forgiven me for being an idiot, and our love persists even now.
It hurts my heart not to be able to be with you through all this, Rodney. Still, we will carry on as we have, and know that our time will come. My love for you only deepens, for all the adversity.
I love you.
aj
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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i've been taking the past few days to lay in bed as much as possible and think about the events that have led my life to this point.
i don't remember a time when i didn't have something to worry about... nothing to make me look behind me at all times. tragedies, for me, started at when i was very young. i'm not sure how i've had the strength to keep going all these years. i want to give up sometimes, but i look at the people around me and realize that i have something at least remotely special, or these people wouldn't have been my friends as they are. they have all shown me a love and support (and sometimes i've need ass-kicking, granted...) that most people get from only a few people their entire lives (i'm talking parents who love their children unconditionally, couples who are truely soulmates, puppies who pounce on you because they're the most excited to see you every day)... my cousin, who is basically the only family i have left, he keeps me going. he always has the right thing to say, even tho someone who doesnt know him might think he's totally ADD and psycho... my best girl friend, she keeps me going. she has the most considerate heart of anyone i've ever met, and she even lets me snot on her nice clothes if i need to let out a good cry...
most importantly... my daughter keeps me going. before her, i don't know what it was.
aj keeps me going. before him, i don't know how i made it-- i've never been able to talk to anyone and be so close to someone as i am him. he is my focus, my sanity, my heart belongs to him, my soul reaches for his.
i said all of that to say this... thank you for showing me that i'm not alone as far as tragedies pull me closer to that small dark hole i want so badly crawl into to lock myself away from any harm or pain is coming next. some days i look up, some days i feel blank. today, i feel hopeful but sad. sad, because (and maybe this is just me feeling sorry for myself), because ... well, sad because i don't know what a happy life feels like, and i want it.
rodney
"more tongue and groove than a hardwood floor"
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You WILL make it. You just have to decide to do so.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy is right. You'll have it...WE"LL have it. Just hold on a little longer, and it will happen. I know the hole looks good after what all happened last week, but it's an illusion...it's more dangerous than real life. Stay with me--we can make it good.
I love you,
aj
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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tide with bleach, baby 
"more tongue and groove than a hardwood floor"
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"F*ck L Ron Hubbard and
F*ck all his clones.
F*ck all those gun-toting
F*ck retro anything.
F*ck your tattoos.
F*ck all you junkies and
F*ck your short memory.
F*ck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
F*ck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.
Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.
I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend."
--Maynard
"more tongue and groove than a hardwood floor"
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i want to apologize for that last post... i should keep my bad moods to myself, sorry 
i've been ok. been really busy... been spending alot of time with haley.
just letting everyone know i havent succeeded in torturing myself to death yet...
rodney
"more tongue and groove than a hardwood floor"
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I don't see why anyone should like L Ron Hubbard anyway!
Now how about a progress check on the getting back onto your feet?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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You got that right--the guy's a scammer and a lousy writer to boot.
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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how did maynard turn into this ron guy?
"more tongue and groove than a hardwood floor"
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bad bad bad week... 
update 
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