|
|
|
|
SO It seems I don't write very much at the moment I am on my parents computer sicne mine is sick... *ugg* Anyway while thats debugging it self Ill type this.
I wrote you guys ebfore and told you how I jsut dont care anymore what people think and all of that jazz.
WEll there is this girl in my class and I think surprisingly we became pretty good friends this summer. I used to think she was the biggest drag, like I never wanted to be around her and would go to great lengths not to.
Yet with boy friend trouble and a few other problems I had this summer she became a pretty good compassianite friend. I had noticed that she had changed a lot this summer from when I first emt her back whenever. SOme mutual 'friends' of ours were now describing her as a 'mega bitch' in there words.
What ever I thought she was just wicked nice and just a great person, like our personalities really clicked. SO I knew a while ago that she got some anti deppressants and that she had been losing some weight (she WAS overweight) so I didn't think much of it.
WEll today in gym she lets me know that shes been feeling suicidal, her meds aren't helping, and that shes anerexic and hasn't slept in 7 days. Hence her mom is makign her go to see a shrink. WEll a guy sitting next to us while we were talkin promptly added that I should go with her to the shrink maybe they could have a two for one or something.
I guess my thing is what does it mean when the person you thought was most normal and enjoyable to be around wants to kill herself and is being sent to a shrink? LIke does that mean I am actually fucked up and just don't know it. OBviously the people around me thought I should be seeing a shrink as well but God. I have finally been feelling happy? I dunno more content at least. I made a new friend at work and I smile so much now....
Yet everyone sthinks that i'm gonna like blow up the school or kill myself or something. Maybe I'm not becoming as mnormal as I thought I was? I mean.
What does it mean when the people who society deem normal seem so fucked up to me? Yet the one person I thought was normal I'm being told is the most screwy????
This was longer then I expected but I am really confused and kinda depressed now actually. I didn't know that thats how people looked at me or saw me or whatever. I always though that i was just normal.
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
blue
|
 |
Likes it here |
Registered: August 2004
Messages: 131
|
|
|
Whoa, Andy, relax! She's your friend. She confided in you. That says good things about you and about her. So what if other people don't understand! OK, so she has problems and is gonna get some help. She's already started, herself, by talking to you and trusting you, even if just a little.
That guy who made the two-for-one comment, how did he mean it? He was trying to be mean, wasn't he? Even if he was being serious, it wasn't a nice thing to say at all. If someone genuinely thought you were in trouble, wouldn't they ask in a different way?
Everyone has stuff that bothers them, especially in their teens. Your friends' problems are not your problems, except you're concerned and trying to help them. So that doesn't mean you're f***ed up. Other people are giving you crap, saying things about you? I bet not even half of it's true, is it? Only you know if there's any truth in what they're saying.
Don't panic. Be there for your friend. Be there for yourself. What do those other people know anyway?
If it's not nearly as major as those people are saying, don't worry quite so much about it, but talk it over with friends and loved ones. Look, if you have major stuff bothering you and you think you need help, get help. There's nothing shameful or crazy about needing someone to talk to or getting help if/when you need it. -- Who's the dummy, the guy who has trouble and doesn't do anything about it, or the guy who does something to solve his troubles? What I mean is, most people have things they carry around with them and don't do much about. It's brave and sensible to face it and get help, even if it's just talking to a friend or relative, and working on the solution.
You're on your parents' computer? If you can talk to them, why don't you? That might help some. Maybe you have, and they suggested it might help to talk to your online friends too? If they don't know things about you or you don't feel safe talking to them, well, there are other sources for help where you live.
"Don't let the turkeys get you down." -- I have a coffee mug with those words, and a cartoon elephant who's tackled and weighted down with a bunch of turkeys. (You can probably find one like it in a Hallmark store or other gift/card store. I've also seen it on cards and posters.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
You will, of course, ignore the jerk who suggested the 2 for 1 deal.
The thing is she honoured you. You matter enough to her for her to have confided in you.
I can quite see why it is depressing to be involved in her issues. So you have to take a pace back from the issues and the involvement and simply be there for here, if you choose to be.
And you're pretty normal, you know.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The guy who made the crack about the '2-for-1' was being a jerk. ignore him.
What do you mean by 'normal'? That covers a whole range of personalities and people... it's almost a useless term because it means so many different things to so many people. The people i think of as normal would undoubtedly not be considered normal in many other settings.
Maybe what you mean by 'normal' is 'conformist': someone who looks and talks and thinks like everybody else around them. It's an easy way to get along, but it does tend to discourage creativity and (obviously) individuality.
I don't think that finding out that your friend is depressed and has bouts of suicidal ideation, and that you have no time or interest for hanging out with the clones, means that you're a f*cked up person.
I often reference people who said things that were memorable in my childhood...in my hometown, there was a little old lady who went to the same church that my family did. Most of the time, she was sweet and genteel (and made the best damn banana cream pies I have ever had) but underneath that, she was tough as nails. Nobody wanted to mess with her, because she'd peel the paint off of a wall with some of her comments when she got mad. Not someone you wanted to cross.
Anyway, we were friends, and one day i'd heard someone say something disparaging about her. I asked her about it, and she just laughed and said "What other people think about me is none of my business." I didn't understand that until a long time later, but i've come to the conclusion that she was right.
cheers!
aj
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey, so like I dunno if i made myself so clear the other day. ike what made me feel weird wasnt that my friend had all these problems, it was that I didnt even notice. Everything thats wrohg with her I didn't even notice it seemed totally normal to me. I think thats what I dont like
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
blue
|
|
Likes it here |
Registered: August 2004
Messages: 131
|
|
|
Oh! Well that's a different problem. -- It's really hard to tell what problems people have, because we all hold things in and put up a brave front. -- Sure, it's really troubling to find out your friend has serious things going on she's having a bad time dealing with. -- BUT she decided she could talk to you. Sure, it kinda hit you "upside the head" but think how much better it is that she talked to you instead of just holding it all inside. -- Sure, it's hard to know how to help her, and you feel like now you have her problems on top of yours. -- Like I said, hang in there and be there for her, bud. That's about the best anyone can ask for. Talk to her, to her folks, to her friends, and to your folks. (Some of that's easier said than done. People can be hard to talk to!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Don't worry that you didn't recognize her problems until she told you. What you need to understand is that most people appear 'normal' on the outside but inside most people have some type of problem that isn't easy to see. People hide their problems, it's human nature, if your inadiquacies are easy to spot then (so the thinking goes) your less likely to make relationships because people seek out friendships with individuals who can offer them aproxamatly the same or more than they have to offer. Make sence?
Now if you feel bad because you're her friend and you didn't even notice then i need to tell you a story. (i'm sorry, it's just how i comunicate ideas. I find personal experience and stories help me.) I have a very best friend. we've known each other for three short years but in that time we've become the best of friends and we know pretty well everything about each other. Anyway, such deep knowing dosn't just happen it takes time, lots of little bits of personal info told over time. Well anyway...after being friends for a year and a bit i had made up my mind that he was the most stable intelegent person i was friends with. He was 'normal' in my mind or at least free of problems of his own. So it was with this reasoning in mind that i came out to him. He was supprised, he said "Wow...and all along i thought you were so normal. I would never have guessed. I can't believe i didn't see that." But then about 2 or 3 months latter we were talking and he said to me, "there's something i need to tell you." And he explained that for some time he'd been on antidepressents that weren't doing anything. He felt awful, i think his exact words were "you have no idea what it's like to get up each morning convinced that you're going to die." That shocked the hell out of me. Two fold because i thought he was so normal and second...well it was just plain shocking. Since that time he's been in counceling, got a new doctor and he's made increadable progress. So my point, it's hard to see though people to the things that are burning them inside even though you may be close friends. Second, for my friend, and for me for that matter; more than half of the battle with our mutual secrets was resolved simply by telling someone.
I hope that helped a bit.
Oh, and as for the two for one guy...yeah...JERK.
Take care,
Pyro.
Do what you love, changing the world is incidental.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
yup...sometimes the breakthrough that allows forward movement is just verbalizing the problem...it let's you own it, and start doing something about it.
Andy, i think it's an incredible compliment that your friend felt comfortable enough with you to tell you her secrets. That very act in itself may be the piece that allows her to start her recovery. it's a credit to you that she felt able to tell you this. now all you have to do is what blue told you...but be sure you clear it with her before you talk to anyone about it (you already knew that, but it doesn't hurt to reinforce it).
cheers!
aj
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
|
|
|
You know, we all look and feel normal to others until we choose to tell them. It;s their armour against the world. And ours, because we look and feel normal too.
The closest I get to appearing abnormal is that I seem "angry all the time" to other people.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks for all the opnions guys I feel better. Pyro I appreciate the story, I understand stories better too  . NO worries Timmy they think I look pissed off all the time too. I'm not really I guess I just look mean or somehting 
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
confused 
