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refumpiree
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2004
Messages: 4
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Guys, I shared this with Timmy a few weeks ago. He suggested I share with all. Please know I am not sad, but I do have an empty spot that can bring on some melancholy feelings from time to time.
Looking forward to your comments.
dc
Tim,
>
> Like you I have been married for twenty-five years. I love my wife, my
four daughters, my sons-in-law, my granddaughter and soon to have grandson
very much. I would never do anything to hurt them. I know if I revealed my
innermost thoughts to them, they could not handle them. I have no intention
of acting on the repressed feelings that I have, however, I had to say
something to someone who might understand.
>
> Growing up, sex was revealed to me at the early age of seven, by another
boy three years older than me. I never was afraid of it, and honestly loved
it from the beginning. I guess everyone does when they are not afraid.
Anyway, it seems that from that time through my teenage years, I was
sexually active with a number of other boys.
>
> About the time I started driving though, I started realizing that the
lifestyle I enjoyed was not going to be accepted and convinced myself that
it was a part of my life that had to die, so I put it away. I dated several
young ladies and eventually married a girl that I have known all my life. As
you can see from the first paragraph, we have been quite happy and
"productive."
>
> My last experience with another guy was when I was seventeen. Since then,
the desires for "man-sex" have been just under the surface. Never completely
out of my mind - I have always been attracted to a good looking man.
>
> Six years ago, a young man I have loved as one of my own children, came
out. Yes, he is the age of my children, but since he was a teenager, he
had/has been a friend. We have common interest in music. His coming out was
a shock for everyone, including me, and I thought I was close to him. I
tried to explain to him what a difficult life he was choosing and get him to
rethink his decision - however, he knew himself better than anyone and was
much braver than anyone I have ever know.
>
> This week, I met him again for the first-time in six years. He was always
a cutie, but he is gourgeous! From a distance, unseen and unaware of where
he was, I have loved this boy. Seeing him again convinced me I was not wrong
about what I felt. His confidence in life, pursuit of his goals and his
decision to be the person he knows he is make him even more beautiful to me
than ever.
>
> I knew you would understand my mind, after I read your bio. I will never
leave my wife for anyone else. I do love her and care too deeply for my
extended family to pursue another relationship that no of them could ever
accept. I suppose I am fortunate that he has a relationship himself, for
over a year now. I hope to meet this fortunate young man this week too.
>
> If only!!!????
>
> dc
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If only....
If only society could, at long last, come to realize the simple reality that “normalcy” (whatever that is) means different things to different people, that what’s normal for one shouldn’t have to be normal for anybody else. Sadly, though, society (then as now) can (and does), with impunity, decide such things for others (that utterly contemptible “Federal Marriage Amendment” being a perfect example of that, especially when you consider that those who propose it also say there should be no interference by the government into the private lives of the citizenry!). So it’s to be expected that each of us has, to some extent, at one time or another, found ourselves dwelling over what might have been, how different life would have been if each of us was allowed to live it on his own terms.
Many people find themselves forced to decide (for whatever reason) to follow society’s dictates, all too often with less than happy results. In your case, however, you have been able to live a happy heterosexual life, and I think you know how fortunate you are that you’ve been able to be happy. That still means, however, that you’ve had to keep an important part of you “under wraps”, and even “force of habit” can’t be expected to keep it there, even (and especially) after all those years. It is only natural for anybody to find themselves attracted to anything perceived as being beautiful. Again though, in your case, you are fortunate also in that you have already realized and come to terms with how detrimental it would be for all concerned should those “wraps” be removed, especially for that young man who is now an adult and living a happy homosexual life. The fact that you recognize all this all too well and are determined to stick with your decision makes you a very together person, I think (much more so than many others in a similar position would find themselves).
Still, though, if only....
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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