|
|
|
|
I sometimes look around at the people I know; people who I assume to be educated and open minded, and think that they are all closed minded bigots. Hypocritcal bigots whats more. They preech that being gay is fine with them. They "accept" it. But there are snide remarks about gay people. Veiled comments that suggest they would not be around gay people if at all possible. Being around someone allows one to see what they really think, not what they say. To make this understandable to any reader, people don't know about my sexual preferences. Which, I suppose makes me equally hypocritical, a coward, and as spineless as I profess not to be, so perhaps I shouldn't talk.
Which brings me to the problem. How on earth do I come out of the closit? If I have any friends when it is finnished, they will always assume that I was checking them out. It's a loose loose situation, and I blame society for hearolding such stupid ideals.
True friendship is a blessing. Sometimes a greater blessing is someone who will really listen. I will.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
 |
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
That has no real answer other than you must be prepared for all of your present friends to abandon you.
I know that may seem harsh.... But if you are prepared for the worse possible scenierio everything else will be better....
If by slim chance your friends do indeed meet your expectations then rest assured they are not the last people on earth....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
blue
|
 |
Likes it here |
Registered: August 2004
Messages: 131
|
|
|
I recently began coming out. Currently, 7 people I know in person know that I'm gay. All 7 have been OK with it, I've been lucky so far. And 2 or 3 of them evidently had some idea I was gay. It's made me reevaluate my friends and realize that many of them may be fine with me.
Yes, I expect to lose contact with some family members or lose some friends. I know at least one family member will not accept me being gay. That's too bad, it's her problem if she can't accept me.
Notice which friends don't laugh comfortably at jokes or remarks. Notice the ones that stand up for people who are made fun of. Those people are friendly or may even be closeted or gay.
I wish I'd come out of the closet years ago. I won't go back in, either.
I still have a long way to go, but I've stepped out of the closet and closed the door.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well you are not alone!!!!! We have all suffered or are going through similar problems in our lives.
When i first started coming out, i came out to all the gay and lesbian kids at my school (the ones my friend knew, a lot of them ). This was easy because most of this kids were people not related at all to my friends at the time. They were a whole different crowd i'm happy i met. Because they were people unknown to my friends at the time, there was no way rumors were going to start, no way people were ganna talk to people about me. With time of course i started telling "friends", people i attend class with everyday and have known for some time now. Most of them were girls and they are usually more accepting. I didn't get any negative remarks at all. Time passed again and i told more people, then guys started to find out. Still no bad remarks. Today now a lot of people know, girls from my class love me, the guys don't care ( the ones that know ) , the girls don't care, still no bad remarks.
I got caught doing something bad by one of my guy friends. Later on i talked to him and wow instead he said i shouldn't worry at all, my life was my life, i was not a different person in his eyes. I felt very good about myself at that time. Recently certain people overheard a conversation, now a lot of people i didn't want them to know now know about me. I don't know their reaction to it , but i this point i don't care. Eventually i will confront them and i hope they understand. I still haven't gotten any bad remarks.
Many people were surprised about me, others said they suspected me for a while, others well they just knew. Still no bad remarks.
I guess i was lucky. The people that surround me are very open minded and accepting. I'm very thankful for that.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here's the reality, Alone: lots and lots of us grow up in BFE, surrounded by exactly the kinds of people you are talking about. God knows, i did. The answer, for a whole lot of us, is really simple: move. emigrate. get the hell outta dodge. As soon as you are able, pack your shit and move to a more tolerant locale. I moved from Alaska (highly intolerant) to Spokane (slightly more tolerant) to Seattle (very liberal).
Yes, there a few gay men who love small town life so very much that they are willing to either stay in the closet or suffer the slings and arrows of their bigoted neighbors, but why do that to yourself? If you love small town life that much, move to a little town near a liberal city and have the best of both worlds.
The point is, be picky about who your friends are. If you're hanging with people you suspect will no longer be your friends if they find this out about you, then move away from them. The ones who stay in contact will be your true friends, and the ones whom you never hear from again weren't friends anyway, just aquaintances. Don't invest yourself in people who aren't willing to pay back a little with some support and caring when they find this out about you.
BTW...if you have a yen to move to texas, there's a guy named Blue down there that probably has a closet you could rent until you're ready to move out of it. I have a feeling he won't be needing it much longer.
cheers!
AJ
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dennyone
|
 |
Getting started |
Location: US of A
Registered: October 2004
Messages: 8
|
|
|
Prejudice Sucks! While we cannot control it we must not let it control us. We can only give it the ol' one finger salute!
Where you are, who you are, who you choose to be with and what you do are all somewhat within your control. Everything else may be beyond anything you can do to influence it. You can only be so careful up to a point and beyond that you have to let the chips fall where they may. Be careful, be truthful and be proud of the total person you are. If you are not accepted as a whole person then those not accepting you are the losers. Your sexuality is only a small but very important facet of your whole personality, so don't let it be your only basis for acceptance or rejection. You are a whole very complex and wonderful mechanism called a human being and with a finite number of days. Waste not a single one of them or the regret may just overwhelm you. And, that would be tragic. JMHO ;-D
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
blue
|
|
Likes it here |
Registered: August 2004
Messages: 131
|
|
|
Alone wrote:
> people don't know about my sexual preferences. Which, I suppose makes me equally hypocritical, a coward, and as spineless as I profess not to be, so perhaps I shouldn't talk.
>
> Which brings me to the problem. How on earth do I come out of the closit? If I have any friends when it is finnished, they will always assume that I was checking them out. It's a loose loose situation, and I blame society for hearolding such stupid ideals.
Don't berate yourself for being in the closet. It does not mean you're a liar or a coward. It means you are unsure how to come out and still have family and friends, have a home, have a job and/or school, and be safe. And maybe you're a little unsure if it's OK to be gay, even though you have those feelings. Those are all big, scary possibilities. No one but you and whom you choose to tell need to know your sexual preferences. It's nobody else's business. Take the time to plan what to do if things don't go well. That includes having a friend or a ride or a place to stay or a little money saved. But there will be times the best plans go bad. Make the best of it.
How do you come out? Tell one friend. Tell another. Maybe they will be fine with it. Maybe they won't. Maybe they will be unsure what to think. Maybe they knew or suspected and didn't know how you felt about yourself. If you get rejected, it isn't the end of the world, even though it isn't easy. If you get welcomed, way to go! It is a huge relief to learn some friends love you more than you believed they could, because you were scared they'd reject you for being gay.
You're worried your friends will think you've been secretly checking them out and wanting them? If it seriously bothers them, chances are they're not such good friends. They don't like every guy or girl they see, so neither do you. In fact, maybe some of them are friends because you aren't attracted to them sexually. Or maybe a few of them, you are attracted to, or were. Fine if you were or weren't. You just may find that they're vaguely flattered or a lot flattered that you found them attractive. They might tease you a little about it, that's OK. Heh, maybe they like you a little too. That might be kinda nice. Maybe they like you a heckuva lot! That might be way cool!
-----
LOL, yeah, I have a mostly unoccupied closet. I recommend other parts of the house though, for living in.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
