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and ask a question I have been pondering for a while now...
I have been out completely for a year now.. as of Christmas day. I have acknowledged I am gay for many months before that.
I am dealing with something in who I am and I would like to ask everyone's opinion...
As I walk through life, I seem to have found two different sub cultures within our own (gay society, I mean)... there are those who define themselves and their lives as gay, and there are those who define themselves as a person, normal in most ways except they are gay. One has to fly rainbow flags, the others don't care about rainbow flags and refuse to go to pride parades and gay bars.
I do not allow my sexual distinction (not preference or choice... I believe i was born this way) to define me at all other than who I come home to every evening (when that happens, anyway), and who is in the other half of our bed, or maybe I should say who I share my life with.
After saying all that, I ask: Why do some of us define ourselves one way and some the other? I just truly do not understand why someone chooses to define their entire life and style by sexual identity. I see us as just who we are... no real choice in the matter... we are attracted to whom we are. Has society made us do this? Is it insecurity? Are we that much of an oddity? I just dont get it.
Let me say one thing further to explain the way I see some things. In the States, we still have lots of discrimination about sexual orientation, skin color, etc. I have never ever seen that at all. I am a blonde haired blue eyed man... average in every way... and one of my best friends has skin as black as it can get I think, and I never have thought of us as black and white !!!!! Maybe this is why I ask this question?
Sorry for the length of this, but I would really love to hear other's views on how they see it. Especially others from other cultures/countries that have a different view????
I love and miss you all when I am away (work has kept me from here for far too long !!!!)
And Timmy, thanks for all you do !!!!!! You are so appreciated !!!! :-* :-*
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I wonder if there is an actual answer. I know that I went through several phases. I'll abbreviate them:- "straight" or at least in denial
- Inwardly gay. Closeted and afraid
- Selectively out, still afraid
- Out if anyone cares, because it no lomnger matters to me one way or the other
Odd phases and not so odd. Even when closeted I have campaigned in my own way for equal rights. By total coincidence I was, in 1972, at the Gay Liberation Front Annual Conference, at Easter in the Birmingham University Guild of Undergraduates Union. That is to say I was present, but afraid. So afraid that I wanted to take part but did not. I was present by coincidence. Marc was present by choice. We never mnet, but we should have. Except I would have been afraid. Of myself.
Would I be a speaker if they held another one tomorrow? I doubt it. But I would fight anyone who tried to refuse them the right to hold it. We each wave flags and parade in our own way, you see. My "parade" is this site. And also quiet activisim in the manner I judge to be most effective for me. I see "our fight" as one of Human Rights, no longer Gay Rights.
That does nto mean I denigrate the work of the acrtivists of the last severla decades. Without their commitment we would not be as free as we are where we are free, for make no mistake we are not free globally. Mugabe is an example of a despot who must go.
Would I feel differently if I were now in my teens and fighting for my future? I have no idea. You have raised a worthy question.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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It might be something as simple as being extrovert or introvert.
I know I would feel uncomfortable at or taking part in a Gay Pride parade. It's not my scene.
On the other point, I think that if you genuinely accept someone you become colour blind. If you don't accept someone, then you will go for any, but probably the most obvious, reason not to.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Hmm...interesting question. I, like Timmy, have gone through phases of outness and activism in my life. I started out as 'closeted and afraid', then 'bisexual' and then on to 'raving activist, involved in Act Up, Queer Nation and United Front Against Fascism' to my current status as 'acutely aware that I am gay and determined to maintain my rights and those of others, but not obnoxious about it.'
I also have very dear friends who are 'people of color' but whom i don't perceive as particularly different from me, except in that they tan a lot better than i do.
It's my impression that most of us reach a point in our lives when the fact that we're gay becomes an integral part of who we are, instead of a novelty. Presently, i'm out at work and everywhere in my life. I live my life without apology for who i am. That's pretty easy, living in seattle--it's a very liberal city. It would be harder if i lived in a less liberal area, but i'd still strive to do the same. It has caused trouble for me in the past, but i consider that trouble the price for the way i choose to live my life. And yes, i still walk down to the gay pride parade every year and soak up a little of the atmosphere...being surrounded by thousands of other gay people once a year is good for me. It reminds me that the stuggle continues and keeps me from getting too complacent.
cheers!
AJ
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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There are various levels of "outness"....
There are also various levels of comfort....
Some GLBT people try and promote a sense of community within their sphere of social interaction....
Some GLBT people just like to stay close to home....
and some GLBT people just dont give a s**t....
For me.... as far as outness... I always have been out and fought to remain out when I was younger to the n'th degree.
As far as comfort, social interaction, homebodyness and giving a s**t... Well that kind of depends on my mood of the day...
But one thing I do insist on is to try to be the best person I can be... That in and of itself is neither a gay or straight thing... It's a me thing...
...... Oh... and Tim... Concerning the conference in Birmingham, As you were blonde at the time and you knowing my attraction to blondes I am sure if you crossed my field of vision then you were noticed. If circumstances of the time had permitted I am without doubt that I would have assuaged your trepidation and made the experience one to remember....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Marc wrote:
> ...... Oh... and Tim... Concerning the conference in Birmingham, As you were blonde at the time and you knowing my attraction to blondes I am sure if you crossed my field of vision then you were noticed. If circumstances of the time had permitted I am without doubt that I would have assuaged your trepidation and made the experience one to remember....
I was so afraid of myself I would have run. Literally. But looking over my shoulder all the way.
That is a "degree of outness" I think.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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and who's to say guys... if what Marc said would have happened, you could very well still be together and have changed the world... we just never know what difference our choices make... especially those decisions made through fear...
i cannot help but think the quote Timmy uses "... if only ..."
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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Marc, I wish you would write a book on your life experience as a gay man. I also thank you for standing up for gay rights when you thought you should or had to.
I envy your being able to simply be who you are at work, etc. I live in Wisconsin, and even though our State legislature was the first in the nation to pass and enact laws that prohibit discrimination because of 'sexual orientation', it is still very hard to be out at all here, and I have several friends who have been 'laid off' because of being gay, etc....
I suppose at this point in our society, we still need to gather together with our own and be strong, feel positive, and do what we can to make life better !!!
I have been asked to correct this post to read "AJ" in place of Marc. Bambam emailed me and asked me to. As I read this, though, I see it as addressable to either of them. So please each of you accept this concept? - timmy
[Updated on: Thu, 30 December 2004 22:01] by Moderator
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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Marc or AJ, i'm pretty sure there isn't a lot of difference in this context. And if i have to share the limelight with anyone, how could i choose a more Faaaabulous person? lol
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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