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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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what makes people do the things they do and think the way they do. I go for weeks seeing people online yet they never choose to say hello and then all of a sudden up pops someone and the main gyst of the conversation is to warn me off the reading of a particular story. That reading it may cause me adverse effects.
It never occured to the friend that I don't generally read stories and it would have passed totally unnoticed if nothing had been said. I only read the ones that are brought to my attention.
Also it never occured to my friend that being warned off a story, to me is tantamount to a challenge to read it. Now I need to know; where before it would have slipped quietly away into obscurity. I am already thinking of things I have tried to rebury after being unearthed some time ago.
Now the replies and responces are going to be, "Get a grip", "Don't read it", "I warned you", and so on.... but what everyone and I mean everyone doesn't understand about me is the fact that when the gorgon's image is placed before me I MUST LOOK and risk the chance of perishing. For if I don't stare the beast in the eye the ghosts will surely take control.
I don't blame my friend, he only means well....
Sigh...................................................................
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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If you see a sign that says "Electricity, danger of death, do not touch" then you would not touch it. If you see a sign that says "Wet paint, Do not Touch" then you obviously have to test it.
Introducing the idea as "Marc, do you read stories?" would not have helped. Since you write them, or used to, one can assume that you read them, too.
Go ahead and read this one. I can tell you very clearly that the later chapters will hurt you badly.
I thought carefully before asking you not to touch it. I asked you out of concern for your wellbeing. At least now, when you insist on reading it you are pre-warned. The later chapters will hurt you. So at least have company close when you read them.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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This is not the same as reading a warning sign declaring impending electricution if I procede.
I actually don't read stories "because" I write them. I prefer to work without the encumbrance of other authors ideas jingling around in my head.
I have been working on a story for the past three years and probably will for the next three as well. I do it as a hobby. For the fun of it.
I guess you have some sort of reasoning behind hosting a story such as this.
I can't however see it for the life of me.
Oh well, I guess it all doesnt matter.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Yes I have reasoning for hosting this story. Though, unless you have actually read it including the unposted chapters I don't see that you can say "A story such as this".
Marc, I was and am very clear. This story will hurt you. I told you out of care for you. I tell you out of care for you. I will not make the effort to tell you in the future since it seems that you prefer it that way. Instead I will watch with detatchment as you find it at first painful and then terrible.
The sign is there. There is a serious danger to you personally if you read it. It was a private sign. Now it is a public sign. The story is not what it appears, it becomes terrifying and you will hurt yourself. I did not make this sign public. It was a private conversation, or so I believed. It could and should have remained private.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Oh my....
I was unaware this subject was a private one.
As for detachment, well I am totally used to walking through life detached, whether it be from my choice or as it is imposed by those around me doesnt matter.
I seem to have err'd once again by posting here....
I guess there is only one thing that will make me stop.... but no problem, it is a small matter to make an end to it.
One more thing though... If it is not a "story such as this" then why must I be warned off of it? Just a queston....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I surrender.
I have been very plain and straighforward with this and all you can do is to carp and criticise. The story, Marc, is one that will distress you. It will bring back in great detail and pain your teenage experiences. That is why you should not read it. The story is hard hitting and graphic and shows some of the barbarity with which gay teenagers were treated back then
So, I messaged you and told you quietly that it was something that you should really avoid.
Out of this you have created quite an insulting initial post, and are now making a huge mountain out of a very small molehill.
As for "I was unaware this subject was a private one", I was unaware it was a public one. I had expected, quite reasonably, that a chat with you might be a private one.
I do apologise most sincerely for causing you pain by trying to prevent you from walking into a personal minefield. I will most certainly not allow that to happen again.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Any other (rare) time you IM me with private conversations you always insist "this is between us" and I leave it at that.... No questions asked...
I was unaware that ALL conversations were considered in that same vein.
My prigional post was quite general and impersonal, you chose to put names to it.
You became insulting by assuming that I am incapable of taking care of myself.
I actually found your IM conversation quite demeaning.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You know, I care about you and your feelings. I cared enough to say to you that this story would hurt you. At the time you mentioned nothing about it being demeaning. So I concluded, not unreasonably, that you appreciated the warning.
You are, of course, an adult. You have every right to graze your knee or break your leg or have a nervous breakdown. Frienship also says that, should one see a friend about to graze a knee, break a leg or have a breakdown which you could seek to prevent by acting then you act. Nothing about your being an adult removes any duty of friendship on my part.
So I acted.
Granted you are managing your anger better as your resolution has stated you will, and that I think I am not the only one grateful for. Your response, though, is not worthy of you.
Please go ahead and read the story or not at your sole discretion. It will hurt you badly, but that is your free choice. The story in later years becomes absolutely terrifying. I hoped to allow you because of your particular history to avoid that by prewarning you, but you are not to be warned. Instead you take the warning in some way as an abuse of your rights and my saying this to you as personal abuse. And you have insisted on making that wholly public.
So, back to your original post "what makes people do the things they do and think the way they do. I go for weeks seeing people online yet they never choose to say hello and then all of a sudden up pops someone and the main gyst of the conversation is to warn me off the reading of a particular story. That reading it may cause me adverse effects."
I thought the way I did out of genuine and obviously misplaced concern for you. I acted the way I acted out of genuine and obviously misplaced concern for you. I apologise. I will no longer be concerned for you nor, since there will now be no concern, will I act.
Please feel totally at liberty to run with scissors. Others may warn you that it is a risky thing to do, but please be assured that I will not say a word about it.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If you cared about my feelings then you would know what hurts them...
It is just that simple...
Oh, and by the way, my feelings have absolutly nothing to do with the presence, position, posting, reading or not reading of that particular story.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I was using the generic term "feelings" to encompass everything from "having your feelings hurt" to "I cannot cope with (something or other)"
I stand corrected.
To be clear I wanted to prevent the latter, even at the cost of [minor] disruption to the former. But I will now not be doing that.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Is why?
Why do you feel impelled to intervene in or on my behalf?
Is it for my benefit? Or yours?
I cope with things well enough... I have had alot of practice with coping.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It is perfectly fine, Marc. I did. I no longer do. It is all to do with friendship and seeking to help a friend not fall. But I will do this no longer for you. I will do it for others still, but, since you are so sure you do not want it, not for you.
It was a molehill. Now you have a mountain. And you created alleged abusive motivation out of friendship on my part. OK. You have your canoe, you have your paddle.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Tim, you have created this.
It was you that brought up the subject...
It was you that chose to put names to my origional post...
It is your mountain... it is your canoe.
One question though... Did I seem to be teetering to you?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Marc wrote:
> No Tim, you have created this.
Poke long enough and eventually you may manage to get through, I suppose, and finally manage to push me away. It's a gamble, isn't it? "Will this one do it, or do I have to push again?"
Then, if you succeed, you will be able to say "There I was right. No-one likes me" and you will have created your own truth.
You posted something that was calculated to be offensive and you are now trying to dress it up as nothing of the sort. Every time I explain to you what my motivation was you create more and more awkwardness.
>
> It was you that brought up the subject...
Yes. I did. In a quiet and private chat with you. Note the word "private"
>
> It was you that chose to put names to my origional post...
Why yes, you do have a point. Of course that post was designed to needle me and it was inevitable that I replied. After all you asked a very specific question, and, deny it as you might, it was directed at me.
>
> It is your mountain... it is your canoe.
Well the mountain is invisible. I think you missed the metaphor abpout canoes. You have your own canoe and seem to be paddling it. I expect you can see the rapids. if there are rapids. Of course there may be no rapids.
>
> One question though... Did I seem to be teetering to you?
I am going to interpret this as "on the brink of some kind of disaster". The answer, to me, is actually "perpetually, though by no means as close as you used to be". Hence the message to you to seek to safeguard you from harm.
I do wish I had not even thought about telling you. But you would have found something else. I expect you woudl have read the story and then got realy angry with me for not warning you, or for having a story on the site about a boy who actually has sex with older people. Or found some other fault. So I warned you about it. It was a mistake. But then I am damned if I do and damned if I don't with you over some things, aren't I?
Again I apologise for warning you. It will never happen again.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Actually Tim, I would not have read the story.
If I do decide to read something it is not at your website.
As for the content of this story... Well I tend to think it is akin to beating a dead horse to run. The concept of aversion therapy has for some time been placed on the "it doesnt work" shelf.
The 50's were well.... 55 years ago... or so... and they will never return. They could have relegated to a file on NIFTY ADULT/YOUTH SECTION and eventually lost to the obscurity of subsequent files sending it to oblivion. Well that might have been it's fate but you deemed once again that you are all knowing in all matters GAY and decided to place this fine work on your website.
Again, I emphasise that the problem I have with all this is that you continually mandate that all who becon here must by default yield to your greater wisdom. No one is allowed an opinion other than yours.
If you think my replies are rude and calculated at eliciting a response from you.... then I think you should read your replies in kind.... You are here at best ascerbic.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Marc wrote:
> what makes people do the things they do and think the way they do. I go for weeks seeing people online yet they never choose to say hello and then all of a sudden up pops someone and the main gyst of the conversation is to warn me off the reading of a particular story. That reading it may cause me adverse effects.
>
> It never occured to the friend that I don't generally read stories and it would have passed totally unnoticed if nothing had been said. I only read the ones that are brought to my attention.
>
> Also it never occured to my friend that being warned off a story, to me is tantamount to a challenge to read it. Now I need to know; where before it would have slipped quietly away into obscurity. I am already thinking of things I have tried to rebury after being unearthed some time ago.
>
> Now the replies and responces are going to be, "Get a grip", "Don't read it", "I warned you", and so on.... but what everyone and I mean everyone doesn't understand about me is the fact that when the gorgon's image is placed before me I MUST LOOK and risk the chance of perishing. For if I don't stare the beast in the eye the ghosts will surely take control.
>
> I don't blame my friend, he only means well....
>
> Sigh...................................................................
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Since you find the site not to your taste and you find this messageboard not to your taste I ask you simply "Why do you come here?" You don't like the stoires and you don't like the messagebaord. So why come at all?
I also ask you why you are so rude?
And why at all possible times you seek to inflame?
I should let you know that I am not interested in the answers, for you have, now, at last, succeeded in pushing me away. It has taken you several years to do it, and each time I have resisted your push you have pushed harder. Each time you have wished you had not done it, or so you have said, and yet each time, with greater and greater determination, you have managed to push and push and push.
Well, Marc, I am human. I have finally yielded to your ill humour, despite knowing that you are not an ill-humoured man. I have yielded at last to your behaviour which I perceive as spiteful and self seeking, and yet you are not a spiteful nor a self seeking man.
I have never yielded to those who have said to me "Marc is the one thing that prevents people form posting here" because I have realised that you also have issues and this appeared to be theone place where you could attempt to sort them out. I do not yield to them now either.
I am simply telling you that you have achieved pushing me away. Your prophecy has come true through your own efforts.
I feel let down by your behaviour, I feel thoroughly abused by your behaviour and I feel sad. But you have achieved it, eventually. I could have carried on ignoring your pushes, but I have finally chosen not to. This after a very long time supporting your frailties and being determined that you woudl not feel the cold draft of a friendship that had, yet again, withered. Enough is enough.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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As do I feel let down by your behavior.
As for your website.... I have never actually frequented it and I only went there when you had some whatnot you were promoting at the time.
As for pushing away.... You do the same to me.... regularly....
I am used to it....
Now as for discourse, well that is something that has been very rare for some great time now.... Which is more or less to be expected. I am used to that as well.
Why now do I come here.... Well, that is a question I ask myself far too often and I just don't have an answer. But I do.... Ah well....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Tune in for the next exciting edition of 'Drama Queen USA'.
In this cliffhanger episode Marc stamps his foot and pouts.
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No my good sir....
I do not stomp my foot nor do I pout....
What you can do, I shall just leave to your imagination.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Interesting. This is, of course, why you published one of your stories there for a while. There was then some brouhaha or other and you insisted that they be removed forthwith. I seem to recall, perhaps erroneously, that you were not wholly gentle in your request for removal.
So you have frequented it, in so far as one does. And the messageboard is a part of the website. I would say that a man who has made in excess of one thousand five hundred and forty posts does tend to frequent somewhere.
I would appreciate it greatly if you woudl now cease your unbridled unpleasantness. I think I speak for many silent voices over that. I have already noticed Nigel's wry humour.
I can tell you that you have not behaved with decorum. I expect you know that anyway. I will no longer make excuse to myself for your behaviour, nor for your stridency. You have pushed now too often. More than too often.
[Updated on: Mon, 03 January 2005 23:02]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Abuse is not called for however frustrated you get.
I almost deleted that. I chose not to.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Is that direcetd towards me, him or both?
Turn about is fair play afterall.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If you remember, I asked for removal due to the fact that your website attracted (albeit somewhat eroniously) a group of boy lovers.. They were being abusive and I chose to remove the issuance of their somewhat strange demands.
You may look at the board as a part of the site... thats fine... the site part of the board is a part i seldom visit....
Nigel.... now that was a pointed dig intended to do exactly what was done in return..... you know it and I know it....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Note the threading. It is quite specific.
Yours was abusive, his was wry humour.
This is not a fencing match. It is unpleasant and somewhat puerile behaviour. I deprecate behaviour like that. People have been watching this thread all day and are making judgements themselves. If you note the number of views you will see that it cannto be just you and me who are each looking at them.
You have managed at last to alienate me in addition to the great many your prior behaviours have alienated. It took quite some doing on your part, and I do not see why I need to accept this behaviour from you any more. So I will not do so.
This fit of pique of yours has now run its course. It has done so because I have unilaterally decided that it has done so. Enough is enough.
The choice is very simple. Exhibit good behaviour or exhibit no behaviour at all.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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The following entry has been added to your Dreambook for
User: iomfats
Book: book5 (http://books.dreambook.com/iomfats/book5.html)
Site: It's Only Me from Across the Sea http://iomfats.org
Entry number 78:
Name:
rob
E-mail address:
Homepage URL:
Comments:
give him hell marc
Date: 2005-01-03 15:33:18 (Pacific Time)
Remote Host: 4.247.137.107
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Ok, that is starting to be objectionable 
Re: Ok, that is starting to be objectionable 
