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I've started writing a huge long account of my life -- something that happened at 16 and has really affected me since. It'll probably end up being about 3000 words. It's nothing sexual, and it's not really related to the subject-matter of this site, but if this board is a place of safety then hopefully I can post about it here.
I suppose that, with the possible exception of Timmy, the people who know about it have only quite a narrow view. My parents only know how it affected me at the time; they don't know how it continues to affect me as I never really talk about it. Only occasionally do I speak to a psychiatrist I see about once every six months. Most of my peers at school know that it happened, but they don't have any of the details and have never really asked about it. Now that I think about it, I wonder how I seem to them. Did my housemaster talk to the rest of my house about it, as he did when other people had problems? Were people guarded in approaching me? I suppose I will never really know, as of course everyone will deny it.
I suppose that all sounds really cryptic, and I'm sorry for that. But I don't think I ought to be too specific until I have got everything worked out, so I can describe clearly what happened to me and perhaps justify why it happened. I'm not even sure why I'm typing this post, as it won't mean anything to anyone except Timmy (and possibly Andy). It'll all become clear when I finish my essay. Though I expect it will be so long that no-one will actually want to read it...
David
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Hi
it may turn out that just writing it down is very helpful - that's often the case. But if you feel like sharing it, please do. I'd hate to think the people here only took any interest in each other because of sexual orientation - as far as I'm concerned, it's all about whole people.
And the differing viewpoints of the group can be very useful - I owe a great deal to Timmy and a couple of other guys for helping me clarify things by asking questions and suggesting viewpoints on an issue I'd been struggling with for years.
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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As long as you are happy that is it picked up in all search engines, post it here with pleasure and confidence. I have shared my life disasters with the world and I feel better for it.
I sometimes wonder about stating who I am for the world to see. But that would also probably harm my business life, so it is unwise.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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David, I think it will help you immensely to get the subject off your chest. By writing it down, you may even be able to suggest solutions to yourself.
Am I right that it is going to be school based? That for me will form a centre of interest in itself.
I look forward to reading it. If I finish it, which I expect to do, that will be a positive judgement of the article. If I give up, that will be a condemnation of it.
By writing my stories I have been able to cast off a lot of emotional baggage (stories are simply my method) so much so that I am now finding it difficult to write anything new, but I do appreciate the cathartic effect.
Good luck.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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I would like to learn more. If you are comfortable about sharing your story.
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