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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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This morning two very sweet little old ladies came to my door wielding a small black bound book. They wanted to discuss something in the book of Timothy, which I thought was amusingly apposite.
For a change I decided to discuss their points with them.
We got onto homosexuality.
They believed it was a choice. They still believe it is a choice. They cited AIDS. I countered in such a way that they chose to differ from me.
I am unhappy with religious zealots. Jehovah's Witnesses in particular. They stayed 20 minutes. I have this saved some other poor sod from being converted.
I even told them that a God who desires the mutilation of genitalia cannot be much of a God (sorry, Steve, but I believe that truly). Since all Christianity is rooted on Judasim they were dumfounded. And stopped talking. And gave me a booklet.
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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I keep a crossbow by the door just in case.
No offence to any witnesses out there, but they have no right to bother people and try to impose their religious views on those who don't want it or whose views differ. Just because, say, my views are different to christian views doesn't mean mine are wrong or an abhorrence to their god. I have to agree with ya
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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...My doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole, not expecting anyone I knew to come visiting. Outside was the most gorgeous blonde, curly-haired girl with a big, winning smile on her face. By instinct I immediately knew what it was all about. You see, I'm not that lucky that such pretty girls just ring my door for no reason!
I opened the door and she immediately launched into action. "Hello! My name is , and this is ", and she gestured to an invisible, pimply teenager person which I hadn't noticed at all despite peephole having like 290 degrees of vision, lol... Pimply teenager was carrying a bible, I could see. He was obviously the brains in their little scam, I knew.
I asked her, "You're Jehovah's witnesses, aren't you?"
Her smile got even bigger and prettier. "Yes!", she replied enthused and eager to start converting me I can imagine. I slammed the door shut in her face. LOL.
Really should have looked through peephole just to gauge their reactions, but stupid me didn't think of it then. ...Was too busy laughing ass off.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Was the first time I decided to talk to them. I found it very rewarding. Telling little old ladies about sexual mutilation was very refreshing
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Hearing you say this makes me realize I should have invited the GIRL inside for a chat... Pimply guy could have stayed outside! 
Anyway, I've slammed the door on enough Jehovahs that they've stopped ringing my door now. Well, they might just have stopped trying to convert people altogether, I'm not sure.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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LOL guys! Once one tried to bless me for my sin because I told her I was on a personal crusade to debunk religion... she *actually* muttered 'forgive your son O lord, he does not know what he says*
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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I told them I was jewish once (which I am not) and they got all excited that they could have an intense debate on the old testatment.
Now I just slam the door on their face and take extreme pleasure in doing so. I think next time I am going to ask for their book and burn it in front of them. I know I sound very angry, but it is something about a religion that needs to go to peoples housed to 'convert them'.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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- I am a blood donor
- I am Muslim
- I am a Methylated Spiritualist
- I have had a sex change operation
- Do I look pretty in this dress?
- I am gay
- Fuck off
- Didn't you hear me? I said 'Fuck Off' very loudly
- I hear voices telling me to destroy unusual and irrelevant sects
- Excuse me, didn't the world end in 1975 for your lot? And wasn't your UK building leased into 1981?
- I thought you had a fixed quota of people who were going to heaven. Surely that quota is full now? That means you're too late, buddy!
- I would not be alive today if ithad not been for a blood transfusion
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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deterrents: place bloody meat hooks on the wall outside your house, with a bible in tatters on the floor.
Stick a sign saying no witnesses on your lawn. And if they still come, savage them with a stapler.
Alternatively, get some Jesus action figures, remove their heads and nail them to you door with blood dripping off them.
In the event that they sprinkle holy water on your house, have a boiling bucket of tar on the roof to assail them from above.
We should market these ideas... we'd make a fortune...
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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I think we can expand on the I am gay theme:
I am gay, and I like to take my gay friends to church with me. This is OK is it not? By the way, we usually undress ourselves and sometimes even do stuff. You don't mind that do you?
This has been fun!
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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LOL how about giving them a demonstration to prove you mean it!
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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How come everyone seems to despite those witnesses so much...
Maybe because they're smug bastards who knows? 
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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rockyraccoon
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Getting started |
Location: Mexico
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 11
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I haven't seen them since this one time when I was in the shower when I heard a knock on the door... I answer the door only with a towel around my waist thinking it's the guy I like, trying to "impress him"... and surprise! there they were... when I turn around to shut the door, I trip with the steps, falling down in front of them... showing them my bare butt in the process... that was the last time I heard of them. 
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Or was that arse?
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Soon after moving into this town... 
I might have made a mistake back then... 
Longest-running unbranched chain of replies I've seen here so far... 
