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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The following is a very strong and moving letter written by the mother of a gay boy in Vermont...
"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.
In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.
You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.
If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?
A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.
He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.
You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.
How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.
The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"
Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that? "
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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WOW, what a woman. So glad to see someone stand up
for humanity.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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WOW, how cool. She is like another Mother I know 
It is good to see someone who knows that people are NOT defined by their sexual preferences. I think this guy is extremely lucky to have such a GREAT Mum 
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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One can only hope that it is read by those to whom it is addressed.
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Fantastic. That is one of the most concise yet powerful arguments I have ever seen.
Where did you find it, Timmy?
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I echo the sentiment expressed a couple of posts back. WOW!
I am 48 years old, Christian, married with a grown daughter, and just within the last couple of years have begun to come to grips with the fact that I am gay. I've been this way almost from my earliest memories. This mother has express the cry of my heart. How dare folk that don't begin to have a clue about what it's like stand in judgement of me and my so called "choice". If I could have had a choice in the matter I most certainly would not have chosen this although I am well along in the process of finding some level of comfort with who I am. If I could go back and do things over again I almost certainly would have made different choices but those choices could not possibly have affected the fact of my sexuality.
I love my wife (and yes, she does know), I love my daughter (and yes, she knows also), and would not trade what I have with them for anything in the world. My choice at this point in my life is to remain where I am and try as kindly and patiently as I can to spread the message that this Vermont mother expressed in her letter (an effort that has already brought a certain amount of reward and satisfaction).
Thank-you Timmy for posting it.
John
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It was written in a "letters to the editor" in a Vermont news paper as rebuttal to a rather acidic opinion by someone unknown..... I wish I could find the letter that this lady responded so poignantly to.....
This all happened not long after the passing of the Vrmont Civil Uninion legislation..... At the time I was following any opinion on the legislation rather closely because Kevin and I were planning a trip to Vermont for our own civil union ceremony.
Also...... Somewhere in the back of my memory I recall that the authoress made a short stint on the lecture circuit following the publication of her letter.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Another Letter:
Having a gay son deepens mystery of others' hatred
by Mary Olson, The Star Tribune
I read Stephen J. Heaney's Aug. 5 counterpoint, "Human sexuality is about biology, not just about love," and felt a familiar nausea. The statements about God's grand plan, the right kind of relationship, the reproductive organ argument, the comparison of homosexuality to a disordered desire or addictive disorder. Yes, those darn homosexuals, trying to get us to dismiss their disorders and say they're all right so they can quit struggling to rectify their lives.
The big question is: Even if they wanted to not act on their feelings, what does that mean? That they spend the rest of their lives without a close, committed relationship? Or do they marry someone of the opposite sex, try to live a "normal" life and make their spouse miserable? Or is friendship supposed to be fulfilling enough for them? Would it be for you? Do they accept their homosexuality as a particular struggle God has given them, accept their misery on earth, and comfort themselves with promises of happiness they will one day receive in heaven? I don't understand!
My 14-year-old son is gay and every time I read about the Boy Scout controversy, Dr. Laura, church doctrine against performing gay commitment ceremonies, opinions about states that allow gay couples legal marital rights, and so on, it's like someone pounding on me, telling me my son is immoral and deviant and will not have the same rights as the rest of us upstanding citizens.
A big part of the problem is that the people who are so down on gays don't personally know any. I don't mean they don't know so-and-so in the office who's gay or haven't seen a gay character on TV. I mean they don't really know a gay person, an individual. If you know an individual, you know there is more to being gay than sex.
My son has been called a girl, made fun of, and ostracized most of his life. He's a feminine boy, always preferring My Little Pony and Barbie to sports and trucks. So boys ask him to prove he's really a boy. They threaten to staple his tongue to his chin. In private, the straight boys flirt with him and touch him and try to get him to touch them. He thinks they really like him, until he's once again ostracized in public. He changes for gym class in the office because the other boys stare at him, waiting to see if he can prove he's a boy or whether he makes a move where they can accuse him of looking at them. He spent lunchtime in the school library because no one would let him sit with them. He even got asked to move when he sat at a table alone.
I thought maybe my son was gay when he was 3 because of his feminine ways. Then I was angry at myself for that prejudice, knowing that not all gay men are feminine, and why can't a boy like bright colors and girlish toys? When my son told me he was gay at 9, I thought, no way, he's too young to know! Puberty hasn't even hit yet! He just knows he's different and the kids call him a girl and tell him he's a fag so he's just being affected by those taunts.
I played baseball with him more. I tried to get him to sign up for sports. I signed him up for karate so he could at least defend himself. I coached him on being more masculine. I called it being more assertive, told him to speak in a gruffer voice, told him not to flail with his hands when he was talking. I hated myself for trying to make him into something he wasn't, shaming him for the things he was, buckling under what society considered "normal" and therefore OK. But I was afraid he might end up beat up someday, maybe even dead. I'm still afraid of those things.
When my son at age 12 again told me he was gay, while he was crying and wishing he was dead, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stop the pain. I wanted to grab all the people in the world who have hurt him personally or through articles like Heaney's counterpoint and drag them into my house and show them the results of their words and actions. Instead, I got my son antidepressants and therapy once a week.
The way my son is is the way he is. I can't change him. He's tried to feel attracted to girls but doesn't. Why do people accept other characteristics people are born with? We don't look at anything else in the same way that we look at homosexuality. Suddenly it's about God, and a threat to families and the institute of marriage. Is that because it has to do with sex? I don't get it!
People get upset because gays are in their face, having gay pride marches, protesting at the Republican convention. What? Once a year they get to openly walk the streets showing their affection for each other, something we do and take for granted every day? They are tired of being ignored and treated as less than human. They want to have health insurance, to have their partner receive their pension if they die, to have immediate family visitation rights in the hospital. These are all normal, responsible desires, but we won't even allow them that. This is about having legal, human rights. It is not a conspiracy or grand plot to make us all homosexual or bring on the downfall of society.
"Homosexual acts ... make no sense"? Because the organs fit together, does rape make sense? If a heterosexual couple does not want children, do their sexual acts no longer make sense or is it still OK because they have the organs-fitting-together thing going for them? I hate it when people call their opinions "the truth." Call it your truth, because it certainly isn't mine. God creating feelings in people that he then expects them to ignore? Now that doesn't make sense. It seems like some warped joke that only man could create, not God.
My son and I don't go to church anymore. Even though not all churches preach hatred, the institution has come to represent pain. God's name has been used so much to frighten and hurt people. So I keep asking God to please help people like Dr. Laura and Mr. Heaney see and understand what they are doing to God's children so all this can please stop.
-- Mary Olson is a Twins Cities writer.
(\\__/) And if you don't believe The sun will rise
(='.'=) Stand alone and greet The coming night
(")_(") In the last remaining light. (C. Cornell)
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Marc,
The letter originally appeared in this paper:
http://www.vnews.com/index.htm
I cannot find an archive on the site, but they do have contact emails.
The letter she refers to appeared in the letters to the editor on april 12, 2000.
(\\__/) And if you don't believe The sun will rise
(='.'=) Stand alone and greet The coming night
(")_(") In the last remaining light. (C. Cornell)
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It seems to me that no words ring a clearer tone than the sound of a mothers voice lamenting for the pain of their child.
When true, pointed logic such as we read here in these two letters tend to float over the heads of the so called moral majority and/or the political right one can only surmise that the refusal to take heed is intentional.
If God created all things as the overwhelming majority of religous texts preach (in most all religions worldwide) would it not be crede to believe that homosexuality is indeed a part of the Grand Scheme of Things?
Too many times the texts used as guidelines for the various religions are interpreted to suit the mood of the interpreter, not the mood of the origional intent of the texts.
Religion is basicaly a good thing in that it professes harmony and peace but these attributes can not be dolled out as a matter of whim nor can they be apportioned as a matter of convenience.
I believe it is time to take a rightful stand to begin to refute the allegations made by the moral overloards that deem themselves [touched by the hand of God] to promote their own agenda.
On a side note... Insane persons are believed to be touched by the Great Spirit in Native American culture......
More to come on this in the near future......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Marc---I spent many years as part of the so called Moral Majority you referred to. I was a closet homosexual and could not bring myself to participate in any of the intolerant rhetoric that typifies that movement. Having been there I would say that most of the refusal to heed “true and pointed logic” is not so much intentional as it is ignorant. “After all,” they reason, “we are ‘God’s people’ we can’t be wrong. He is with us.” And they ignore the fact that their God says, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar.” “But,” they say, “I don’t hate the homosexual.” And they ignore the fact that their rhetoric and their intolerance brings sometimes unbearable emotional pain to the heart of another human. That, whether they want to admit it or not, is nothing more than hate.
What I am trying to say here, I guess, is that the average right wing Christian here in the US is acting the way he does out of his own brokenness. In other words he is broken, doesn’t know it, and he is suffering his own emotional pain in his own private hell. When he finally comes to face head on the truth about himself he will no longer have the same attitude that he once did because he will then understand what pain is and will abhor the idea of inflicting it on another human regardless of reason. He will truly be able to be a religious person and truly practice the attributes of “harmony and peace” you speak of.
On the other hand, some of the leaders of the Moral Majority are acting the way they are for purely monetary or power reasons. Froth up the masses about a cause and they will send in their money blindly and make you rich and give you power. And the innocent continue to suffer…
Am I making any sense here? Or am I all wet?
Thanks for listening,
John
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I basicaly agree.....
The preachers, priests ans ministers are the people that set the tone for whatever rhetoric the congregation get to digest.
The individual church member will rarely take a stand against the authority figure for fear of ostricism or bannishment.
It is basically a herding instinct which is abused to the nth degree by the people that should be preaching peace and wellbeing for their flock.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Re: A letter from a Vermont mother 
That is quite some letter 
