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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I transcribed this over the phone so if parts of it seem weird or if there are gaps it's because I typed it up wrong..
My brothers it is my sad duty to report the passing of our much beloved Sammy also known as Tyger. On September 16 his long struggle with Bone Marrow Cancer and Acute Lymphatic Leukaemia came to an end as has his constant pain. His loss is like a deep wound in my heart and my soul aches with the depth of his absence. For the better part of two and a half years Tyger's life, fight and education have been entrusted to my care. I have watched as he tried I fought with him and comforted him at his set-backs; I counseled him through heartaches and tried as best as I could to keep his agile mind ever searching for the answers we all seek in life. My life has been his life; he has become as a son to me, a little brother. And I learned from him as much as he learned from me.
Though he missed his sixteenth birthday by a mere 45 days this boy, this little warrior showed me more of how to live as a man than I learned alone in my thirty five years walking this world. His was an old soul; closed in a child's body he was possessed of a most singular wit and wisdom far beyond his years; a joy and passion for life; a compassionate giving nature; a deep sense of honor, loyalty, respect and devotion; a fierce independent spirit and a deep and genuine affection. It is his last, his infinite capacity for love that so staggers those who had the privilege to know him personally. For Tyger truly loved those who earned his trust, in ways they may never fully understand, he loved them.
And his bravery should be an example to us all. It has always been my assumption that this boy was destined for greatness. That he is a natural leader. Born to it. As such his death at such a young age is a tremendous loss to his whole generation. Of all the souls I've come across in my years, all the brave soldiers and sailors, the dedicated doctors and teachers, the policemen and medics who push back against the dark places in our world, I can honestly say that this self-effacing little warrior had more courage than all of them combined. We are all shamed by his example.
Tyger's treatments, you see, are still in the experimental phase, he volunteered to be a human guinea pig. The details of the treatment are unimportant here; suffice to say that a standard course might run as 9 hours or as short as 5. Each treatment left him sore, dehydrated, drained and hideously uncomfortable. There isn't a price I wouldn't have payed to spare my little brother from that pain. Yet he cheerfully took up the challenge, as often as three times a week, telling everyone that he was doing his part, because "No kid should ever have to go through chemo again, ever!"
His health and weight in the weeks before this day were a source of constant worry to me. He would make improvements and then get upset at himself when there were setbacks. He was pushing his body very hard and the strain was showing. Tyger wanted so much to impress his closest friends to the steady success he felt like he let them down when his weight would drop. It wasn't, in my opinion, that he feared their disapproval so much as he didn't want his friends more worried about his life than their own. I should mention Tyger wasn't just "wicked smart" but an athlete. He used to play hockey and enjoyed being outdoors. At one point his weight was a compact 120lb (about 60 kg) on his slim, 5'2 3/4" (159.4 cm) frame. When he weighed in on the 15th of September our little Kat weighed only 81lb (36.8 kg). Several days before that treatment the doctor in charge confided in me that Sammy's weight was becoming more the critical factor, he informed his parents that the situation was becoming very dangerous indeed. The medical staff decided that more aggressive measures were called for. Looking back I think even Tyger knew that time was running out.
The treatment on the 15 of September was the largest one yet. 16 Hours Tyger lay on the table, bathed in UV light while nearly 40 litres of fluid were pumped into his body. Being neither a medical man nor a proper scientist I lack the full understanding of the process I only know that for a time it was working and Tyger had faith that it'd cure him. He was extremely weakened after the 16 hour ordeal and as planned we checked him into the hospital for observation. He slept fitfully during the early hours of September 16. I barely slept sitting next to him in the hospital chair. I awoke around 10 am to the sound of Sammy quietly crying. He complained of a "wicked headache" and throbbing pain in his right hip where the cancer was centred. He also told me he had trouble focusing his eyes. I summoned a nurse and held Sammy, comforting him while the nurse went to fetch an injection for the pain Sammy is what I affectionately refer to as a "hug-beast". Given a chance, he would crawl into any available lap simply to be affectionate. It was just a Sammy thing. At any given time he was given to pouncing on people or giving what he called "tackle hugs". When he asked me to hold him it was nothing new to me.
Tyger began whispering to me as I held him and rubbed his back to comfort him, he was trembling and as so many people who care for him I felt powerless; this boy did not deserve to be in this much pain. He told me that he dreamed of his brother Daniel. Has Danny not died almost 12 years ago, I had every hope that Danny and I would still be lovers as he was my age. Tyger told me that in his dream Danny was calling to him saying that it was time to go. During this explanation the nurse administered the nurse administered pain medication. Almost at once his trembling subsided and he relaxed against me.
Tyger then whispered to me the last words of his life before drifting off to sleep at last. He said, "Robby, tell them I love them.” The medicine took effect and he fell asleep in my lap. We put him back to bed, About an hour after that, in the peace of dreams, free of pain at last, our Tyger wandered deeper into the Mysts, fallen paths we cannot follow, though he gone he is not forgotten. Even as I write this I still feel Tyger's presence with me, guiding me, guarding me. He love lives on with me even as it lives on with his friends and Water Brothers.
The doctor told me Tyger's body suffered and arterial blockage in his brain, which accounted for the fluid pressure pain. It is believed that small bits of cancerous marrow had entered his blood stream and caused the blockage which led to his body quietly shutting down. In accordance with his final wishes certain organs were harvested from his body and his other remains were cremated. He wanted his ashes scattered at the mouth of the Merrimack River in Massachusetts near where he was born so that his body and spirit could return to the waters of his birth. There will be no stone monument, no storage niche for Sammy who considered such things a "wasteful use of good soil", always the practical one. It was also his wish and his family’s that in lieu of Sympathy cards, flowers and other gifts, mourners simply make a donation to a cancer charity of their choice. It was always little brother's opinion that a person's life should be celebrate more than their deaths commemorated, in this way his fight against cancer continues.
To Sammy's Water Brothers, his closest allies and friends, I still have several obligations to complete. For several of you there are letters written in his own hand which I must send out when I can. Some of you are also going to receive small tokens of his at his request. I ask that you have some patience for these as it may take me some time to make all arrangements. Certain legal issues prevent me from acting as I know I should on these matters at this time. I will do my best to honor my little brother's wishes.
In keeping with that pledge I offer the follow: Sammy loves you. To his friends at iomfats.org to his internet chat buddies, to his precious Water Brothers and to one person in particular who made his last days a joy, a pleasure and a time of hope, know always that our little warrior Kat, watches over you, guards your dreams and lobes you even beyond the veil of this life and into the next.
Part of his final duties impressed upon me was a simple thing; when he was asked by his boyfriend in all but touch to give a simple ceremony really. On the day of his birth October 31 simply light a candle remember Sammy in happier times and raise a glass in his name. It doesn't matter what you drink, just remember that once upon a time there was a young boy named Tyger and he fought a hungry beast that he lived well, thought well, loved strong and held us all. Remember what it means to be a Water Brother. And remember that love isn't a feeling, love is an action, it is in everything you do, and say and feel for those who you love. That is Tyger's legacy to give to us all.
Tyger loves you. Nothing too special, too out of the ordinary, just love, just Tyger, just Sammy.
See you on the other side, my brothers.
-Robby Viens aka D'Artagnon
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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thanks saben, for robby's message... knowing i feel myself, i know how much it must have hurt you to type/transcribe that...
i'm currently investigating the possibility of setting up a comemorative fund in sammy's name with the UK's Leukemia Research Fund. as i understand how the system works, it is possible for to donate to this fund at regular or irregular intevals, such as birthdays, and that anyone can donate to it...
as a student, i currently cannot afford to give much, but who knows what the future will bring, and i may one day be in a position to donate more.
if i do get this fund set up, and i hope to, i invite other Uk members, to donate to it as well if you wish... i'm hoping to have the details sorted before sammy's 16th, on the 31st...
obviously, this isn't exclusive to UK people, i'm sure anyone could donate to it, but it might be easier for people from other countries to donate to local charities... i dunno, but this is what i'm doing in sammy's memory, and i'll leave the details here when i get them if anyone wishes to join me
http://www.lrf.org.uk/
http://www.lrf.org.uk/en/1/funinm.html - forget me not fund direct link
Aden
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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crying, simple as that.
barely knew him myself, i know, but a candle will be lit, and i've a couple cancer donations i make yearly that'll become a bit thicker than usual, and... a glass of water'll go up.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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 I'll miss you, Tyger, but I will not forget you. I will celebrate the smiles and dry the tears.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Even though I never knew him, tears came to my eyes when I read your post, D'Artagnon.
Cancer is a horrific thing, and it is bitterly unfair that it should come to someone so young.
My thoughts go out to Sammy and everyone who loved him.
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As I mentioned in your previous thread Saben, this upset me even more. To know a little more of the story was even more heart-rending in a way. It made me realise that there was even more of a connection with our other friend.
In your other thread..."Sammy is gone" I mentioned another lad, Billy. The similarities between these two boys, (I do not use the term 'boy' in a derogatory sense), is quite incredible. What they both did for other people despite their illness is almost beyond belief, giving so much hope to so many others. It's no wonder that they were both liked so much.
What i didn't realise until the other day, was that Sammy died the day before Billy in fact, and yet we knew about Billy a while ago of course. Hearing later about Sammy was an even greater shock.
A couple of days after we heard about Billy, we learned that there was to be a celebration of his life, and that his last boyfriend would be going. We each tried to give him something to take with him. I didn't know what, but before I had thought about it, I had sat down and written the following short poem.
Now let me apologise first. I don't do poetry; it's not me. But this just came out on the screen, and today, thinking of Sammy I knew I should change it very slightly to include him. It's short, it's hardly a poem maybe, but it's what I felt for both of them, and to me that's what matters.
When I looked tonight
there were two new stars in heaven
Their souls shine so bright
they still touch the people they left behind
The warmth of their souls will never cool
It gives life and hope to those who need it
So shine little stars, shine on
And we will never forget you.
Forgive my indulgence. You may have wondered what the avatar was.
Mike.g
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What a terrible loss. Rest in the peace you most assuredly deserve :'-(
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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Whitop
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Toe is in the water |
Location: USA
Registered: June 2005
Messages: 73
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Thanks, Robby, for your report, via Saben. Since finding this forum, I have been struck by Sammy's posts that I have caught from time to time and by his spirit and wit. I was deeply saddened by news of his passing and wished I knew more about the person I now miss. I was glad to have your post and hope one day to learn more about Tyger's earlier life.
If American friends are looking for a suitable gesture in his memory in this country, they might check http://www.lslf.org. My school friend (we're both tigers) lost his 26 year old daughter to leukemia and he and his wife have spent the years since building a small but sugnificant research foundation in her memory.
I'll be watching for Sammy's (and Billy's) stars from now on.
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Hello, everyone. Although a new user to this site, I knew Sammy well... and in a very personal way. Even as I write this, my hands shake worse then saplings swaying in a gale... He was certainly someone special and I will mourn his passing. I called D'Artagnon on the phone a few days ago and he told me all about it. I called him last night again, and he recommended I come to this site.
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Thank you for noticing Whitop; I have relayed your final comment back to the people concerned.
Eric, who was Billy's boyfriend at one time, watches the stars every night he can. It's the only thing that comforts him, and that's what gives it significance.
I hope that everyone who was close to Sammy have something that gives them comfort too.
Mike.g
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I only just learned of Sammy's passage today. Tonight I will light a candle to all the boys lost to cancer: Sammy, whom i knew a little and liked a lot; Billy, whom I knew not at all, but regard as a brother in arms; and Ren, who died recently of Hodgkin's lymphoma, who was a young man of brilliance, grace and good humor, and the love of Peter. For all of these young men, I pray a swift passage to the arms of the Mother, and surcrease from the suffering of their lives on this earth.
aj
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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:'-(
If Death never claimed to be fair, Then this was the most unfair of them all. A total stranger to such a beautiful life, my candle will be lit, and i will be angry at death and pay tribute to a well deserved peace that follows.
Fly high and burn bright TYGER for your an inspiration to all whom fight the good fight.
mike.g your poem was perfect.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I'm sorry i never had a chance to say goodbye, and i caused people he loved more pain than i would ever wish anyone should bear
if you can hear my plea, please forgive me tyger.
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Delighted to loin you when you have details
Although I never knew Tyger I prayed for him
Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words
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i've set a forget me not fund up in sammy's name with the UK's leukeamia Research fund... once htey sent the confirmation details, i'll post and let people know how they can contribute if they so wish
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Hoping that it takes (eg) paypal or other credit cards I will circulate it around my list when it is ready.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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it should accept::
Mastercard, Visa, Amex, Switch, CAF charity cards, cheques, and postal orders (but not cash, lol!)
i'll put the full details up here when i get them, they're en route from my home address to my uni address right now (if my parents have forwarded my mail correctly!)
i will also take this opportunity to say happy birthday in absentia to sammy, who would have been 16 yesterday (31/10)
Aden
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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 I didn't know Tyger, but i did pay my tribute to him last night and i just wanted to share this with some of you who did, maybee you all had the same experience. Last night October 31'st from 2230 central us time untill appx midnight i sat under the stars listening to Tori Amos with a candle lit in tribute to a brave young man( the only way i know this is by reading the incredible tributes that his very compasionate friends here @ iomfats have written to him.). The sky was more beautifully clear than usual on all Hallows Eve, and there were many a star out. However the thing that got me is all night the sky was normal untill the song called "Cooling" came on. If you have never heard it i suggest you listen it is very fitting. During the course of that song there were five shooting stars. I think that there is no such thing as coincidence, this is why I am sharing this with you all. I believe that Sammy had controll of the skies last night. Thanks for the show, It was Beautiful.
P.S. One who had such friends must've lived a blessed life.
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ok, details for the Sammy Frost Forget Me Not Fund as follows
you can simply send a letter and payment details (i.e cheque) to
Leukemia Research Fund
43 Great Ormond Street
London
WC1N 3JJ
the letter should include your contact details (in case of problems) and the name of the fund - Sammy Frost Forget Me Not Fund.
any cheques should be made payable to the Sammy Frost Forget Me Not Fund
i've also uploaded a contribution form in PDF that you can download, print off and fill in, then send back to them
the form can be found at
http://www.keelelgbt.co.uk/form.pdf
for those who wish to donate online
https://www.lrf.org.uk/en/1/donateonline.mxs
to make sure the donation is made in memory of sammy, and not a general donation, select Forget Me Not Fund from the reason for donation box, and in the details text box write Sammy Frost Forget Me Not Fund
thank you
Aden
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger 
Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger 
Re: From D'Artagnon, re: Tyger 
