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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I have just had a conversation which has led me to consider the fundamental value of messageboards.
Do they
- perpetuate exisitng behaviours
- provide a sort of "club" where we may talk dirty
- help the people asking for help
- help the people providing (or trying to provide) the help
- provide a way of learning new things
There's more besides. Only I'm not sure how to phrase it. Help me out here, please.
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I would think "yes" is a valid answer to all of your bullet points. However, if that is considered good or bad is much more difficult to ascertain. Not sure that is even possible.
There are so many different message boards, each with their own style and atmosphere. Some might not be much more than clubs for talking dirty, and who's to say that is wrong? Other boards fill other functions, some of them more than one function.
I think it would be easier to participate in this discussion you've started if you told us what motivated you in the first place. Are you having doubts on wether your board is helping people or what?
I don't think it's too much of an understatement to say it has helped me, for example.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Hard to define. It is always good to be made to think, and this made me think.
It went into the fact that we, here, canseem like a club for the irredeemably gay. Just like a club for those who liek golf! Or fishing, or sailing. We talk a kind of jargon. We seemoddly at ease with ourselves and each other, and yet the terminilogy we use seems to deter "outsiders"
Hard to define.
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I usually feel like an outsider wherever I go. I don't have many friends as you people already know by now, and I have a hard time approaching strangers. I've understood I can be abrasive at times (especially before people get to know me properly), not because I mean to, but because I have a kind of peculiar personality that doesn't go along very well with what is considered "mainstream".
But despite this, it did not take me long to feel at ease here.
I've tried to break into other message boards, but it is often difficult. This is the only one I've felt truly is a Place of Safety. And for that I am very thankful.
So, we talk gay stuff. Duh?! We're gay, many of us!  Some more than others even. I certainly hope I'm irredeemably bi, I like my sexuality (even though I've chosen to hide it from those I know), heh heh...
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I have to agree with all of Lenny's points. I had no knowledge whatsoever of the "gay lifestyle" or "community", jargon, etc 9 months ago. That certainly didn't stop me from jumping in with both feet, and frankly I'm not at all a "joiner" or risk-taker.
For me, this is very much a learning experience - I started quite a thread over a TGO awhile ago when I asked for a definition of Gay Pride, for example, and I learned a lot of side issues and discovered some things about myself along the way. I also consider it group therapy/support group of a sort, especially considering I'm not in a great position to participate in an in-person group.
I've "met" a couple guys in my situation that, through myself and others sharing our own experiences and realizations, I think we bettered their lives when they were at turning points.
The fact that MB's are not "real time" gives us the advantage of convenience time-scheduling-wise and across the world's time zones.
The anonynmity cuts through some racial/ethic barriers of predjudice and lets us be more honest and open than we might be if we knew each other's names.
At least on the 3 boards I hang out on, I really haven't seen anything "negative" to speak of.
By reading each others' experiences and opinions, we broaden our own thinking and learn more about people. For me, a quite introvert WASP sorta guy, that is very important and makes me a better person, I'm sure.
For others, just making new pen pals/board buddies, they have someone to talk to, who will listen unconditionally and without judgement.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It depends on the circumstances of the message threads involved.
Message boards can bring people of like interests together, they can also teach and lend succor, hold a hand (metaphorically speaking).
But there is another edge to this sword as well...
It can be used as a tool to ensnare the unwary.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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No Message Body
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richard lyon
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Toe is in the water |
Location: San Francisco
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 55
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No Message Body
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The only point where I might tend to disagree would be the first on perpetuating behaviors. It depends on the board.
I can only speak from my experience, but reading this board has changed my behavior, Thank God. I was in a downhill spiral that only had bad consequences when I first came here. Thanks to all of you, my life has changed, and for the better I hope.
I have seen other message boards that are set up for very specific purposes, and I do not participate in those due to the limitations. I have also stopped participating on other boards where the original purpose has been blurred and changed due to personal agendas. But I find the ones I do participate in to be an excellent learning tools for myself, a open method of communication, and a great source of help. Although I do not use a screen name here, I do in other locations, because I don't want to keep secrets here. To me that would defeat the purpose for which I use this board. But I do understand why others choose to remain anonymous. It is easier for some to be open and honest about their feelings and desires, with less possibility of discovery by those they do not wish to share.
In other words, I am a wholesale proponent of message boards, especially when the primary purpose is to help others.
Hugs, Charlie
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Very easily,,, How old am I? what color is my hair or eyes? What is my background? Where am I from?
What I am getting at is that we all are etheric, formless beings brought to you in living color through this magic box we call computers.
In thiw world of electronic annonimity it is easy to be decieved by a participant on a message board.
Also, just as easily, two lonely people can come together and fall in love on the net.
I have seen people become obcessed with an individual just because he was shown a tiny bit of friendship.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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...I don't mean this as a personal attack, but you often come across as looking at things from a rather negative point of view in these last few threads.
So people can get obsessed of other people over a message board. So what? People get obsessed in real life every day, nobody's warning about the dangers of real life because of that!
Not to say we shouldn't care about obsession or such, it's just that it's not something we really can avoid happening unless everybody locks themselves into sensory deprivation tanks or something. (And that would have far worse consequences.)
Relax, okay? The huge majority of people do not get obsessed, or abused or anything like that over message boards, just as they do not experience those things in real life either. I could lie to you about my name, age, and even gender with a bit of effort, if we were to meet face to face. All these dangers exist no matter where we go or what we do. It's a part of LIFE, not just a part of message boards! I feel you are barking up the wrong tree here when singling out boards in particular.
Like people blaming TV for producing violent kids. It's not the TV's fault kids get violent, it's bad parents that use the TV as a babysitter; they produce violent kids by neglecting them.
Again, please don't take this personal. I'm just stating what I feel here. My apologies if I have offended you, it was not my intention.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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it was some time ago, and when I was new to the net and newly admitting to myself my own inner conflict with actually saying "I am gay" before rejecting the lable as irrelevant.
I fell in love with someone online. Iobsessed over him.
He was not real. Not real in the net sense, and not real in the "I am actually someone else" sense.
It is easy to do. And it is thus easy for someone unscrupulous to trap the wary, let alone the unwary
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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But you see, I wasn't singling out message boards, I was giving examples of what traps people can set for themselves and others on the MB's.
As far as "real life" goes, well of corse we all can give false names and such when meeting other people, but online, if someone had a desire, he/she could literally set themselves up as several people at the same time and no one would be any the wiser.
"Real world", well lets just call it "one world".
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I wonder how many of us do know about "Gay Lifestyle"? Heck that reeks of "ghetto" to me. I am not of the ghetto, nor do I choose to create one about me.
I hope that isn't what we have here. I dont; think it is.
Heck I am even scared to visit gay bars in case I am offered sex in the men's room. And that is a preconception I have, for th eone I visited in Chicago was simply a bar contaiing mainly men, who were at ease, able to kiss each other "hello" and then get on with being sociable
One thing I have found is that while I enjoy the company of women I am relaxed in the company of gay men.
Like all guys we talk about the eye candy on view, we discuss the film stars we adore, and we horse around (verbally, you dork!), but the atmosphere is gentle and relaxed, each confident and at ease with his own subset of what might be termed an overall sexuality,
This seems different from heterosexual "red blooded males" (and my blood is no less red than theirs, and nor is even the campest of gay men's). Groupings of str8 men seem to suffer from major penis envy - the envy of the mythical phallus that is enormous and owned by no-one they know. Yet they perceive it as a "manly thing" to out macho each other. Very weird and not relaxed at all.
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Hey Tim I finally made it back, it's been a long time since I last posted anywhere but I think I have decided that yours is the board that I will participate in. It's one of the only boards i have come accross where the dicussion of any and all topics is allowed and all are welcome without one having to become part of a clique. Now to the topic at hand.
I think it can be said that we are all at least proponents (If not "wholesale")of MBs or we would not be here. As for how helpful an MB can be, well, the testimonies abound both for the good and the bad the dissemination of information is like a loaded gun! In the wrong hands at times it can produce catastrophic results as in the case of a young man many of us knew or knew of, who lost his life playing a very dangerous game known as scarfing (yes hardly a game)! Then on the other hand there are people on this board that I know of personaly that have gone on to meet and fall in love.
I think therefor I am, information comes to us for many different quarters and is real. It is up to us to chose how to use the infomation to it's good or bad end.
I would go on, alas, I have to get ready for work but I will be back from time to time. Be seeing you ; )
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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Well, I think messageboards are usually sleazetraps for the unwary, and I'm very cautious of chatrooms.
This MB and a few others like it aren't your garden variety messageboard, they're more like a valuable oasis in a sea of general yukkyness. Here people are not judged, they're advised and welcomed, not taken advantage of and treated with respect. To me, this MB is a place where like-minded people can debate something, or help friends, pool ideas and knowledge gained from personal experience.
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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I have no idea what that would be. The only reference I have is the few episodes I've seen of 'Queer as Folk', and what's depicted there certainly does NOT fit in very well with me. Too much partying, too loud, too brash, too garish. Yuk.
And DAMMIT, pretty cash-register guy was there tonight, and due to daylight savings time striking I was too late to the store (forgot to adjust my wristwatch), so all I got to see of him was him saying they were closing (and seeing him smile his pretty smile). AAARGH!
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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What kind of conversation was it? 
Deter? Naah. 
Agreed 
