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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Christina made a very good point, though she did it in fun. It hit my spot though. "It only took him 8 years to tell me he was gay" she said. I looked at that and thought "That's me, too." And I wondered then how long it took any of us to say to ourselves that we were, well whatever we choose to call ourslves.
I never told myself I was gay when I knew in my heart I was. I said "I love a boy" or "Wow, what a gorgeous boy" or anything except "I am queer" (we weren't gay, or of we were, I was not). I went through teenage, puberty, quasi adulthood, and hit 26 before I mentioned to anyone I "had loved a boy" though I can't recall the words I used.
It was three years and a month agao I first said the words "I am gay", and that was only after my wife had said to me "Is that how you think of yourself?" and I simply replied "I think it is". We married in 1979.
I had a point when I started this. I think it was about being able to admit things to ourselves before we admit them to other people. I don't mean forced admission such as when people are forcibly outed, I mean the internalisation of the often terrible fact that we are irretrievably different from the majority of the population.
Is my experience unusual?
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rich
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Getting started |
Location: Houston,Tx. living in Ohi...
Registered: April 2002
Messages: 1
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In a society such as we have in the western world where anything out of the "norm" (that's a stting on a washing machine is it not)tends to be vilified I am suprised anytime people come to terms with there sexuality in a way they can feel totaly comfortable with.
I myself was lucky, coming of age or I should say sexual maturity during the sixties. I started having sex with other boys by 11 and by 15 having had sex with both boys and girls I realized that I found haveing sex with guys was just more satisfying in everyway for me! Yet for many years I kept having sex with girls to cover my tracks so to speak.
After all being "out" has only become fashionable in the last decade or so and even now it can be at some risk.
I would like to know how many of us are out to more than our families and close friends. and how you feel about being out in this day and age?
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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between first fantasizing about a young man and completely admitting I am gay. Granted, I've never been "in love" with anyone other than my wife and not positive about that one, to be honest since it started with "in lust" I think.
I didn't fully realize or admit my orientation until I started reading stories and viewing pics on the Internet just a year ago, then pretty much let my wife catch me at it.
I wonder how many truly straight guys have fantasized about a male during their hormone-rampant years, though? I guess that's what I figured until I realized I'd never really fantasized about women or noticed beautiful women, but was regularly noticing cute guys in passing. I used to only rarely notice the occasional one, though. Maybe I feel more free to look now? I know I'm now less worried that my wife will say "whatcha looking at?" anyway.
Maybe the dildos in my youth should have given me a clue, but I'm not sure how unusual that would be for a straight boy to experiment, either?
When in high school, I somewhat considered fooling around with both an older guy in his 20's who was a friend and a male teacher in his 40's (rumored to be gay which was pretty much unheard of in my town in 1980, but my favorite teacher.) But, they weren't wanking material, I just wanted to share some mutual lonliness distraction, I suppose.
This reminds me of my best friend, who admitted to me later that when he was a teenager he had no idea that masterbation "was possible." I just can't comprehend a teen boy who wasn't intimately familiar with this activity, although he did have very strict parents. Maybe I just have an odd (well-practiced?  perspective - until recently I assumed all guys could sucessfully perform this "feat."
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All I know is that I have loved two people in my life, one male and one female. I still love both, but do not lust after either one any more. And I still look both ways on the street, in magazines, on TV, etc. I think what I am getting more comfortable with is the fact that the sex of a person doesn't matter to me when it comes to love and sex.
I am not out to anyone except my internet friends, although I am sure some people may have their suspicions.
I did not masturbate until I was in my twenties. After my period of sexual abuse at the hands of my scoutmaster, I did fool around with other boys, and some girls too, but I never really thought about solo satisfaction until after I joined the military and had to curb my other activities. Trevor, thank you for mentioning your best friend, I was starting to think I was a freak.
Hugs, Charlie
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