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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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JFR brought up an interesting issue.....
How long was your longest gay relationship?
Did you remain monogamous? Did your partner?
What, within the gay community consists of a long term relationship?
Why do gay people tend to move from one partner to the next so casually?
Why does (so often) the existance of a relationship hinge on the sex rather than the substance of the (apparent committment of the) individuals involved?
And, why do relationships disolve so easily?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Those are all interesting questions, and ones that I can't answer as I've never been in a relationship.
However, I would like to add another question, in case someone knows the answer to this one too:
I get the impression that the common consensus (please correct me if I am wrong) is that gay men on the whole are less likely than heterosexual men to commit to a long-lasting relationship.
But why?
- Is it because there's a psychological difference (beyond just sexuality) between gay and straight men?
- Is it because men generally are inclined to be less romantic and more promiscuous, but the women in heterosexual relationships act as a "steadying influence"?
- Is it because society rejects long-lasting sexual relationships over one-night stands (and/or long-lasting but promiscuous friendships)? (On the surface that sounds counter-intuitive, but actually when you think about it the thing that gets conservatives most worked up is not so much the thought of gay sex but of gay marriage.)
- Is it because you can't "fit in" to gay society -- and find a partner, short term or otherwise -- without conforming, at least on the surface, to the stereotype?
- Is it simply because quiet people in committed relationships are much less visible than promiscuous or ostentatiously camp individuals?
I assume it's a mixture of the last four. So actually I've answered my own question. (Though I may be talking complete rubbish, of course.) So, to follow on from my first question:
Is conforming to the stereotype of promiscuity, one night stands, cottaging, no lasting relationships etc. ultimately satisfying? Can anyone here who has tried that sort of life for a while comment?
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I have had two loving relationships. One was with a straight friend who knew I was gay, and loved me dearly (no sex) as I loved him for 54 years, until his death.
The other is a gay relationship that is still going after 35 years. I have been faithful, and believe he has been too.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I have never realy had what is commonly refered to as a friend. Many aquaintances but never a friend (aside from romantic partners).
You are lucky to have had this in your life.
As for gay relationships, I have had 2, one for 12 years (until his death) and one that is five years and growing.
In both cases monogamy was the rule.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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I wonder this 'gay promiscuity' issue is something of an urban myth?
Most of my gay friends and acquaintaces of my own age group are in long-term relationships. In younger age groups promiscuity is commonplace, but it seems to me that this is equally true of heterosexual relationships.
I don't know whether there has been any research in this area; it would be interesting to know what proportion of gay and of str8 relationships which endured for one year still endured after five, ten or twenty years.
Is gay promiscuity more visible simply because gays congregate in a limited number of venues, whereas the str8s have a much wider range over which to seek out partners?
I think I observed a statistical problem in a post I made a couple of months ago. If we assume for the purposes of the exercise that there are equal numbers of males and females in a population, and that the gay percentage is the same for both sexes, the gay has a much smaller chance of finding a mate than his or her str8 counterpart. Estimates of the gay percentage in the population range from 4% to 25%, but if we take a fairly conservative 10%, then in a sample of 50 males and 50 females there will be 5 male and 5 female gays. Thus, each gay has 4 potential partners, whilst each str8 has 45 potential partners. Is it possible that this could explain a higher rate of gay promiscuity? The 'pool' in which the str8 can search for a compatible partner is ten times greater than the 'pool' available to a gay, so might there necessarily be more need for trial and error?
Interesting subject - I look forward to other opinions.
Btw, Marc, I couldn't resist correcting the title of the post - I know that Momogamy was just a keystroke error, but it conjures up visions of a choice between one mother and multible mothers! Believe me, one's enough!!!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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>Btw, Marc, I couldn't resist correcting the title of the post - I know that Momogamy was just a keystroke error, but it conjures up visions of a choice between one mother and multible mothers! Believe me, one's enough!!!
Worse than that! Gamy means marriage (Greek gamos) so there's something frigteningly Freudian about that image. 
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