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Question: Why is it that adults think that teenagers my age cant be in love? Why do they (str8t and gay) think you have to reach the magic number 21 to really know what love is. Like at 21 some fantastical thing is gonna happen and you become enlightened. Oh yeh, while were at it, why cant a younger person be in love with an older person?
oky doky here we go again ;-D
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Yup... here we go again.....
Teenagers can be in love
What teens tend to lack is the resolution to have a lsating relationship.
They also have obsticles such as parents that set limits on activities.
As for relationships between teens and older persons... Well the law defines the limits there. If these limits are ignored then the relationship becomes at risk.
It matters not one iota if the teen initiates the relationship because the older person has the legal responsibility to not let it begin in the first place.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13802
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The answer is that both can happen
Love between equal ages is more common
LOVE between an older and younger person is not unlawful, but sex is if the age of consent boundary is crossed. The problems arise when the love turns physical "because only we will know". Here the older perosn carries a huge responsibility - that of keeping the younger safe from harm *even* if the younger declares that there is no harm.
You are free to love whomsoever you choose. While it is rarer to love a substantially older person it happens. If you are the younger then protect them from temptation while they protect you. That way you protect your relationship from the law.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I have no idea why some adults have problems with teenagers in love.
My grandfathers elder brother started going out with a girl when he was 12, ands she was 11. They got married in their teens, and were together until he died aged 83. Neither of them had ever even kissed another person on the lips, or wanted to!
BUT, I do think that people change less rapidly as they get older (after all, at 15, five years would be a third of your life so far, but at 50 it's only a tenth), and so there's a higher likelihood of younger people growing/changing in different directions. So maybe there's less likelihood of a teen relationship being longlasting - which ***absolutely*** does not invalidate the depth or range of the relationship: - at thirteen I was totally in love in a way that I did not experience again until I was nearly 40!
As for age diffences and "inter-generational" stuff, I don't really see a problem with the emotional relationship. But it can be the case that the younger person is only just coming to grips with their sexuality (whether gay, bi, or straight), and may have in some way felt that the older person is "safe" to fall in love with (because they won't feel able to undertake a physical relationship). I guess, a bit like having a really serious crush on someone that one will never meet - like a film star. I'm not saying that all mixed-age relationships are like this - I know they're not (my last partner was 18 and I was 34 when we took up with each other). But I think that enough of them are that the older person would be very right to be extremely careful ... and I personally would not want to get sexually involved with someone under 16 for this reason - which would limit the level of emotional involvement I allowed my self to feel.
As for the law ... it's a personal choice, but gay sex in the UK had been illegal in all circumstances until the year before I became sexually active, and when I started (at 13/14) the age of consent was 21 (provided there was no-one else in the house) ... I don't think I grew up in a situation that encouraged me to value the law above my own moral judgements.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Anyone can fall in love. A 3 year old loves his/her mommy and daddy....
Give a boy a puppy and you will see love in its purest form....
When kids enter puberty they become aware of the sexual aspects of love.
All these things are a part of the natural growth process for everyone.
These enigmatic situations change as a person gets older as well. When I was 15-17 I thought nothing of going out and drumming up some action on the weekends. Age as well as the number of partners were not a consideration to me. Now that I am older... (and given the current atmosphere toward gays) Well, I think it just best to yield to caution.
As for moral judgements.... Well that is a fuzzy area.... But if the parties are truly in love than neither would do anything to put the other at risk. Sex would do that.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Marc wrote:
>
> As for moral judgements.... Well that is a fuzzy area.... But if the parties are truly in love than neither would do anything to put the other at risk. Sex would do that.
I'd pretty much agree with that.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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Brian, I don't think that you'll find many guys at this board who would deny the possibility of teenage love; quite a few have had the good fortune to experience it. It's just as much the real thing as anything that happens later in life.
As regards the magic age of 21 - well, in the Western world the magic only applies in the US and a handful of other nations. In the UK, you can now do pretty much anything from the age of 18, including marry without parental consent. By extension, that should also permit a civil partnership at 18 without parental consent, though so far as I know that situation hasn't yet arisen.
I don't think I'd like to see the age limit lowered to 16, as some demand; I fully agree with NW's point about people changing less as they grow older. That does't mean that I don't believe that you can fall in love and stay in love at 14 or 15 - I'm just taking account of the purely statistical fact that it often doesn't happen.
I also don't have any problem in principle about the age-gap between partners. Like NW, I grew up in an age when it was almost impossible NOT to prefer one's own moral judgements to those of the law. Sometimes the boundary just has to be crossed - remember that the American Revolution was technically illegal, which is why we Brits still regard you as rebellious colonial brats! The problem is that most sexual activity which bridges the age of consent is borne not of love but of abuse, and a skilled abuser can manipulate a younger person into believing that he or she is in love with the abuser. Obviously, the law has to protect against such abuse, and if that results in restrictions upon a genuinely loving relationship, then that's a price that we must pay. I just wish that our Courts would exercise more discretion in dealing with individual cases on their merits.
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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I agree with you Cossie. I know Im in love with Donny. We live in the same place and were the same age, and he is the sweetest guy I have ever met. will this last forever? I dont know. All I do know is that right now I love him so much my heart aches.
I know two guys on line my age that have been abused, but you know, It wasnt by a stranger or outsider. One was by him mom and the other by his dad. But I do talk to a guy in ( I think Denmark). Hes 15 and has an adult lover. He told me that if his adult friend hadnt taken him in, he would have died on the streets. I can understand the need to protect kids (lord I wish someone would protect me from my relatives)they should pass a law protecting underage kids from redneck relatives.
Correct me if Im mistaken. Isnt it the Hebrews who concider the age of becoming a man 12 years. Capable of making his own decisions right or wrong?
but your right, I can see where the age of concent is a protection. Unfortunately Im a whole lot smarter than most (duh football) 18 year olds. And i can even spell and use English. I must really be messed up lol.
What do you mean illegal???? We rebelled fair and square, and still stayed best friends. lol
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... Yer rebellious brats, every last one of you!!!!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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I admit it, were brats, but you forced our hand. We didnt want to play so we took our ball and went home.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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.... that explains why you guys don't understand cricket!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You said
"Correct me if Im mistaken. Isnt it the Hebrews who concider the age of becoming a man 12 years. Capable of making his own decisions right or wrong?"
Answer.......
Not as long as he has a mother.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Well we had a choice between learning cricket or Rebelling, so we picked the easiest one
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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