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Is it ok to dislike your family. When they all have the mental capacity of an one cell animal are agressive preditors of other animals (which they enjoy with a passion), treat anyone different from them as someone with a desease. Oh and worst yet, they are all Southern Baptist.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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If you have reason to, it's quite OK to dislike members of your family !
I spent many many years having an intense loathing for my father. He is from a Baptist family, as it happens (Bristol UK, not southern USA, but they're all Baptists). He physically, verbally, and emotionally abused me throughout my childhood.
Thank God he left home when I was 15! I told him I was gay when I was 24 ... resulting in not being on speaking terms for over 20 years. He now lives in Canada ... for the past few years he has rung me twice a year (Christmas & Birthday). I think the fact that myself and my brother and sister are the only children he had from seven marriages, and I'm the "firstborn", means that as he gets older and feebler he is looking to validate his life by assuring himself that "all his kids have turned out well".
If members of one's family deserve dislike, or stronger, it's OK to feel it! But it isn't good to judge them as a lump - judge each one individually. And it probably isn't a good idea to hang on to dislike after you escape the environment ... in my case, loathing my father was OK, but twenty years was too long. I now feel some level of understanding of why my own father is as fucked-up as he is: I can't say that I've achieve "compassion", but I certainly do feel some pity for him.
just my own views, and how it worked for me, of course. And hang in there Brian - there may be tough days, but it will NOT last forever, and you know that many of us here feel for you and will give whatever support we can.
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Brian1407a wrote:
Is it ok to dislike your family.
If they have given you reason to dislike them - of course it is!
Brian, keep telling yourself that you are the one who is normal. They are the nut cases.
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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sure it is o.k to dislike your family.
in familys you have a lot of competetion, this is because we all achieve at different levels. i find it better to have good freinds who you can trust
rather than family who from time to time can cause trouble through back stabing etc.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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It is not reasonable to like or dislike someone because of their religion, but it is reasonable to like or dislike them because of the way they act.
Your family is simply a set of relations. No-one says you have to like them or are even predisposed to like them.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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It's okay to dislike your family. I understand the whole southern baptist thing, my parents where southern baptists for the longest time and the vast majority of my friends where either southern baptist or worse, church of christ (here in oklahoma we have a special, extremely conservative brand of church of christ). Over time it seems as though I can see things from their shoes. Had I not been gay, I can easily see how I would have grown up homophobic.
Before you completely discount them, try and see things from their perspective and how it would be easy to think the way they do if you where them. You sound like you have above average intelligence and it seems as though you paint your family as, well, not. Take that into consideration. This is kind of one of my life philosophies, trying to always give people the benift of the doubt and understanding where people are coming from. I'm not sure if that entirely describes it but I pretty much like everyone unless they are just completely evil and have no inkling of well meaning. It sounds like if your parents are southern baptist, they probably atleast mean well. I dunno though, and perhaps my soap box is completely out-of-line for the situation so I think I'm just going to stop typing.
As a disclaimer, I'm trying to quit smoking today, and my head doesn't really work without nicotine.
David
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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i have just been looking at a site re southern baptist i did not realise
how powerfull that religious movement is when i think about it what a way to control numbers no pun intended. keep your head down.:-/
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It's the parents' obligation to love, protect, care for and respect their children, not the other way round. I would have been very surprised if you didn't dislike your family members who treat you the way they do.
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First---Terrific, Im so glad you are quitting. smoking is a nasty habit and can really hurt you. You got my support all the way
My family is rather odd to say the least. as far as the religion goes. When the minister says gays are an abomination to god. they interprit it to mean, they should die and it gets worse. I have no idea who my dad is, so there is just my mom and she was raised in the midst of this insanity. I could really tell you some weird stories about this family, there is absolutely nothing normal about any of them, but one, but he died so he dont count now.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Brian look to the people who love you, they will help you through difficult times, some times immediate family do not know how much they hurt their
children and people close to them i am not sure if they can help doing it as they can only think of them selfs. keep your head up.
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... in the light of your postings on this board that you are well capable of making your own decisions in life. There's a common saying where I grew up (and it may be much more widely known) that you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relations. It's both true and wise. All I would say is that you should be careful about tarring them all with the same brush - there may be one among them who is reluctantly responding to family conditioning but may one day have the courage to rise above it, as you have done yourself.
If this is a painful subject, tell me and I'll never raise it again - but it seems to me that you are much more your father's son than your mother's son - your talents and maturity make that pretty obvious. You say that you have no idea who your father was - is this because your mother won't tell you, or can't tell you? If you're interested, we might be able to take this further - ever fancied being Sherlock Holmes?
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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I appreciate your support. Smoking really is awful, I hate it sooooo much. I remember having the abomination conversation at the dinner table years before I came out, didn't go quite that far but I have friends that go that far. Wierd stories make for good conversation later on in life. My mother grew up with a racist father and has a ton of stories that revolve around that.
Also, I must say that I always look forward to your posts. They are always well thought out and insightful. You are also quite witty. Good luck with your family, you have my support.
David
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Brian, i love you brother!
You can choose you friends, but you can't choose your family.
I'm with you on that screwed up family deal. I've been living with the same thing.
Teddy 
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I would like to think that my mom doesnt know, but, I think she does and wont tell. For what reason I dont know. I do know his first name was Aiden, cause that where my middle name came from. Ive thought about maybe persueing it, but then figured it wouldnt matter. If he knows about me he aint interested, and if he dont, he may not want to know. so im not all messed up cause of that so its not something I want to persue. Some people dont want to be found.
Besides I got all my friends here and someone I would rather have as a father and or a grandfather than anyone I could think of. by the way, isnt Aiden Scottish?
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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When the time is right, finding your sperm doner/ biological father may work out too.
I find in life, though things don't work out when or as I'd plan, still things do fall together very well.
I helped my (ex-) wife find her biological father. Until she graduated @ 18yo she thought her Dad was her real father. Anyone who treats you like a son is more of a Dad than some anonimous 'sperm doner'.
She was about 33yo when we met Him in Florida 1st time. I couldn't believe she resented him for not being rich!!?? How wierd (long story). She sorta did me too. Hey, so that's what a guy gets for compassionately loving a deaf & burn victim with an aweful upbringing. Even worse than my mildly bad one.
We'll let the Scots answer the Aiden question. I'm the age I could be your Dad, (son!? ), though I feel as if I'm everyone's brother & use that more.
I'll probably never know the pleasure of having children now. I didn't want them when I was younger & so confused. My wife never wanted one either (long story about her. Wow, what a case study for the 'shrinks'!.)
A cool thing happens when you get out of your parent's house & out of government schools, you become an adult! Other people then look at you more like an equal rather than looking down on you! Man, you'll sure blossom then when you get on your own! How many more years until you graduate Brian? Stay in school as long as you can, even after you move out if need be. Schooling help make working life more profitable & easier.
I gotta do some work now, been taking a little too much time with this fine forum! I love you all! Best forum I've ever been to!!! Teddy
PS Is there a spell checker?
How do i put the smileys on right (without typing sideways ones)?
If I forget to check e-mail notification before posting is it just too late? Thanks, dumb Teddy.
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... and I wouldn't dream of encouraging you one way or the other. The only comment which I think is worth making is that, judging from the experiences of a few of my friends, finding biological parentage becomes more important to people as they grow older - it's got very little to do with either upbringing or financial maintenance. So, if you can persuade your mom to go with the 'sealed envelope to be opened when your 21' solution, or at least something like it, it would keep your options open for the future.
Now sit up straight for your lesson about Aiden!
Actually, that's an American spelling; the original was Aid-a-n, and it's Irish rather than Scottish (though if the Scots were strictly truthful - which of course they aren't! - a huge part of their cultural heritage is really Irish). The name has survived in memory of Saint Aidan, who was born in Ireland, but became a monk in the Celtic monastery on the Scottish island of Iona. In 635 A.D., King (later Saint) Oswald of Northumbria sent to Iona asking for someone to preach the Gospel in Northumbria. Aidan was sent in response to his request, and he founded a monastery on the offshore island of Lindisfarne. As Bishop of Lindisfarne, he travelled throughout the kingdom for sixteen years, founding a huge number of churches, until his death in 651 A.D. Lindisfarne is still known as 'Holy Island' by the locals, and Aidan is still a very popular Christian name in this area.
Northumbria stretched from the River Humber (hence the name) to the River Forth, and was one of the most poweful kingdoms of its time. Part of it is now in Scotland and part in England - but I was born in the Scottish part and now I live in the English part - so I guess I'm a fully paid-up Northumbrian!
Incidentally, the English (as opposed to Scottish) spelling of Aidan was Aethan, and although Ethan can be a biblical name (it's mentioned in I Kings and in Psalm 89) it can also be derived from Northumbria.
Right. That's the end of the lesson. You can put your books away and go home!
Btw - have you resigned as Commander-in-chief of the SLLA? (See the 19th post under the School Meals thread).
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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Wel ahhhhhh, I now have a thorough understanding of my middle name. It is so good to have such a knowlegeable Scotsman as my mentor.
the SLLA is alive and kicking, however, we are in hiding right now after the food fight uprising in school. we are rethinking out tactics and laying low for a while, then we shall strike with full force when they dont expect it.;-D
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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